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10.19.2006

won't you help me sing 

so, before we proceed further…

go check out the land of entrapment trailer! again!!

come on, you know you want to!

not much is going on, and at the same time, way too much. still working on getting the rest of the sound work for the film done, and trying to schedule a time to shoot the green screen stuff of masato to work into the film, and finishing up the opening title sequence for billy’s film. in between all that, going to work, coming home from work, eating, and sometimes if time permits, sleeping.

at least financially i am in a better place than i was a couple months ago, and for the first time this year, i’ll have a sizable amount of cash in my bank account after my paycheck goes in tomorrow. which i suppose is one of the better birthday gifts i can receive tomorrow.

i don’t really *feel* like i am twenty-seven. since this now places me within three years of turning the big three oh, i have been trying to figure out why i don’t feel like an adult. maybe i am, and i just am refusing to acknowledge it. or that i am still far too immature to personally be granted the rights to call myself an adult. either way, i look at college age kids, and curiously identify with them on some levels, and on others, i feel totally disconnected. same goes for people who are older than me, i keep looking up to them as if they are way older than me than they actually are, like i am still a young child or something. but in some ways, i look at older people, and i feel like to a degree that i fit in with them. i suppose that since i know so few people who are actually *my* own age, displacement would not seem too unusual.

the last few months for me have been odd, internally. i’ve felt out of place with just about anybody and anything i know. like i’m not quite on the level, or something. it’s hard to explain, but it has been coupled with a general malaise and apathy. on the days when i do get sleep, it is usually for ten to twelve hours at a stretch, and then i’ll go several days after that with a few naps that generally last no longer than three hours. i suppose that could be part of my problem.

but for the most part, my odd sleeping habits are a result of my trying to reclaim some “me” time in between everything that i have forced myself into doing over the last couple months. i’ve also had some oddly scheduled shifts at work lately, so that has thrown me for a loop as well lately. in time, hopefully it will resolve and i’ll be able to re-align myself with a normal sleeping pattern.

for the meanwhile, i just feel totally unmotivated. really, this hasn’t affected my progress on any of the many projects i signed onto, but it doesn’t help, either. i dunno. lately i’ve been trapping my mind with lots of riddles and paradoxial questions. is there really any point to doing that? i’m not entirely sure.

regardless, i have to go get ready for work. not only do i work until closing tonight, but i am also scheduled to work a closing shift on my fucking birthday tomorrow, which is pleasing me none too much. somehow, even though i put in the request to have the day off several months ago, my name got skipped over, and instead of getting wasted or hanging out with friends, i gotta deal with the shithead high school kids who will be flooding our store with tons of drink orders as soon as their friday night football game gets out. fucking great.

let’s just hope i’m not doing the same thing in another twenty seven years on my birthday.

bleh.


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