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2.25.2005

i can't pretend a stanger is a long awaited friend 

holy shit omfg i met tre' cool today.

he came in for coffee this afternoon, and when i asked him his name after taking his drink order, he said "tre." i started to write "trey," and then asked him for the spelling, and he corrected me by saying "tre." my response to him was "oh, like tre' cool. heh." he nodded and said "that's the name."

at the time, i was like "ok." i thought he was just being funny. of course, when i looked up his picture after work on google, and i recognized the guy on stage with the rest of green day as the guy who was at my register earilier today, i realized it actually was him.

FUCK YEAH I MET THE DRUMMER FOR GREEN DAY, MAN!!!

either that, or a guy who looked a considerable degree like him and has identity issues.

i would have to say that made up for having to get up super early this morning and going to work.



  • 2.24.2005

    programmed for the guts and glands, of idle minds and idle hands 

    last night, as i sat upon the messy couch in my room while wearing uber fashionable sweat pants, eating directly from the box of a large half cheese, half pepperoni lil sleazer’s pie, and watching the new episode of that 70’s show, i came to the startling yet natural realization that at that one singular moment in all of time i had transformed into the penultimate of sexy for all of human kind.

    now… if i can just convince the rest of the world of my findings….

    in much the same mixture of disorienting horror yet utterly confusing fascination, the simple life could be likely equated to a gruesome train wreck. deep down in your gut, the driving instinct that guides your morbid curiosity begs for you to continue watching, even though every molecule of good and decently moral common sense demands that you shy away and dare never look back. living in a nation that is abundantly stocked with its fair share of incomprehensible idiots who slow to speeds less than a chevy nova can achieve while idling on the freeway at the mere hint of tell-tale debris indicating a possible automobile collision in the hopes of seeing something grotesquely morose, i can easily understand why paris and nicole are able to score satisfactory ratings, as well as tons of std infected degenerates.

    over the past two weeks i have been indoctrinated into the overwhelmingly cultish world of becoming a part time java jerk. one of the unexpected highlights discovered concerning my most recent occupational diversion is the satisfaction that comes from serving diligent, hard working american citizens with a product that more or less can be classified as a legally approved narcotic. there can be much satisfaction to gain from the knowledge that i am essentially promoting habitually addictive activities amongst our nation’s youth, and with such a squeaky-clean amount of legitimacy no less! i suppose i might start to feel a tinge of guilt when the option for free basing coffee is finally introduced, although at some point in time, i am fully determined to figure out the fatal dosage of caramel syrup for homo sapiens.

    burger king’s new ad campaign is just really fucking creepy. if i ever wake up next to some boy-hungry looking mincing plastecine monarch complete with maniacal smirk, some lucky county medical officer will eventually be assigned the unpleasant task of removing a sizeable amount of ‘his majesty’s’ brain matter from the surfaces directly adjacent to where i sleep.

    since pictures arguably present infinitely larger volumes of information than mere words can convey (approximately 1000 give or take; or so i am told), i will be posting several pictures of exactly what happened to my computer over the weekend, since the visual appearance of the remains to my video card stunned and amused even a seasoned computer technician. somehow, i manage to have all the talent when it comes to pushing the boundaries of the tenth level shit that people encounter in their daily lives.

    i so can not wait until the day when a single optical disc the size of a cd is capable of holding a terabyte’s worth of data. i mean, just…. damn. for a moment, simply dwell in the awe and sheer awesomeness at just what a ridiculously fantastical shitload of porn those fuckers will be able to store.

    sadly i have quickly discovered much to my dismay that hardly any amount of showering seems to completely displace the overpowering aroma of sumatra. :-/




  • 2.20.2005

    running on empty - you know how that feels 

    fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

    fuck.

    ok, for starters, a few posts ago when i joked about having begun kicking and punching my computer again… yeah that was all just bullshit since over time i developed far too much respect for my computer to physically abuse it further with mindlessly destructive violence.

    that respect didn’t seem to help it at all in the long run, though.

    several weeks ago, i had guessed that once again the cooling fans for my processor were having trouble with their ball bearings, which was resulting in an unceremonious grinding sound that gutterally emanated from deep within my system.

    boy, was i ever fucking wrong. thankfully my first training shift at the new job was delayed until another day, because as i sat in my room at the *exact* moment that i would have begun my shift, a loud firecracker *pop* sound echoed through my room, and i began to notice the build up of an acrid, smoky smell. realizing in terror where the odor was originating from, i shut off my computer and yanked the power cord from the back. after taking apart the case and examining inside, my fears were confirmed. the power supply had blown a capacitor and fried itself.

    one trip to the electronics store and 60 bucks later (borrowed from parents), i installed the new power supply into my system with great caution and hooked everything back up. i probably spent an hour or so sitting there, staring at my computer, truly petrified to turn it back on least something go horribly wrong and my beloved be reduced to scrap metal. finally, i managed to wave off my crippling nausea enough to flip the switch and watch with calming relief as my baby was back to normal.

    not quite. while it seemed that most of my components emerged from the first great brush with death unscathed, one crucial element had taken moderate damage. my video card no longer displayed any resolution below 1024x768, which isn’t so bad a situation since at best i had one or two programs that absolutely had to run at 800x600, and i rarely used those programs anyways.

    this morning, all of the above became a total smoking moot point. sometime between four am (when i went to sleep, and my system was still in a working condition) and nine am when i woke up, the internals of my computer decided to finally give up the ghost and deliver themselves to the realm of the dead. i discovered this when my computer began constantly rebooting itself, and the musky smell of something burning was in the air. once again, in sheer horror, i turned on my monitor to realize that even though my system was caught in this endless cycle, my video card was now completely fried.

    going by audible cues, i can fathom that my computer is still able to read the boot drive, since it seems to get almost all the way to loading the desktop before something in my system simply quits, and the computer begins rebooting all over again. without any other video cards to test my theory on, there is no way to know how recoverable my computer is at this point.

    in essence, my precious is dead. yet again, what once was a treasured possession of mine has been converted to nothing more glamorous than a giant metal paperweight. i feel like somebody walked up to my best friend and shot him in the head right before my eyes. the most irritating thing is that i have no idea what failed or caused this to happen.

    i am angry. i am depressed. i am lethargic. i am grieving. i want to break things.

    now i am effectively left without a main computer. thankfully i still have my laptop (for the moment, the harbinger of less than ideal fates has somehow spared her), but lately even she has been giving me indications that she is looking gleefully forward to retirement. what with the money that i owe, and the situation i am in (entirely my own fault, like always), i estimate that it will be at least three months before i will even have close to enough money for building a new system.

    why does this shit always happen to me? it was bad enough that i have been feeling horribly depressed for the last several months now; at this point anything else that happens seems to be contingencies that i should have expected and prepared for. the comedy of errors just keeps compiling. who knows… i am probably overreacting.

    although sometimes, i truly feel like the only solution to all of my problems is the hasty introduction of my neck to the business end of a meat cleaver.



  • 2.16.2005

    green and grey washes in a wispy white veil 

    at times, i look at things like this and wonder if i truly just lack the creativity to make my self-assumed uniqueness stand out in the world.

    even though what the guy is proposing is kinda fucked up (but still not without its dark element of humor), it seems to have worked quite effectively since he has managed to raise an incredibly large amount of cash. i could more than easily stand to gain even 14 grand and be most happy, but sadly rabbits seem to be in short supply around here.

    in other news, one of the countless dozens of job applications that i had been filling out tirelessly actually responded, and as of yesterday, i am now a coffee jockey in training. whether or not i actually will pass the training program is still anybody’s best bet; there is an amazingly large assload of information to memorize and all of the countless routines to adapt. given that i easily forget the recipes to dishes that i eat on a regular basis, i am wondering just how long in fact it will take me to remember how to make all of the odd concoctions that the yuppies around here seem so gleeful to consume en masse.

    and i still hate the taste of the stuff.

    since several people have been concerned and routinely ask, an update regarding the whole college situation is due: there won’t be any. for some reason, even when i was granted an extra bounty of time with which to complete all the necessary bureaucratic paperwork, for some reason i still was far too apathetic to actually put any real desire into it and thus managed to slip past the deadline for submission. perhaps in a way i didn’t really care to set myself up for disappointment again, as i am more than painfully aware that my lackluster high school gpa, coupled with an embarrassingly awful sat score pretty much guarantee that there would have been little hope of my having gained acceptance to any self respecting university.

    to be honest, the only real reason i wanted to go off to college was to live in a dorm and get laid with tons of girls anyway. studying in large part is just not my forte, unless the topic is actually something i can truly embrace, what with my attention span such as it is. even simply having to do the bookwork for the beverage conglomerate that i have recently been employed by has begun rendering a fine mush of my brain, soon to become a fragrant mist that can be used for those moments when the mood is right and you’re feeling all right.

    i actually do have a lot more to talk about, but at the moment the clock is ticking down on remaining time for me to prepare for work (i.e., getting dressed) so it will just have to wait a bit longer, perhaps even to the point where i forget it all and replace it with equally non-sensical material.

    in the meantime, you want caramel with that mocha?



  • 2.07.2005

    all the fear and suffering; all a big mistake 

    my sincerest apologies are presented to you all.

    according to my blog’s stat recorder, there has in fact still been quite a bit of daily traffic that makes its way over to my humble little corner of the web and investigates the possibility of new material at least for a few seconds each day, which is surprising since i have been more than negligent in updating the content.

    lately, i have been lacking in enough mental focus and inspiration as to compose any entries that might provide you with thought provoking (or numbing) material.

    perhaps a bit of an explanation as to one of the factors that is purging my ability to maintain a steady writing schedule is in order.

    as some of you (who for some unknown reason actually do continue to read my mental vomit) might recall, towards the end of production on craig and mine’s first independent film venture, i discovered quite to my horror that the cell phone charges i had incurred by being out of state and under the service of another carrier for two months were fantastically enormous. regardless of having been assured several years ago by the salesperson for my wireless provider that i in fact had the features of free long distance and free roaming installed on my particular plan, this in fact was all just a sorry load of bullshit whose truths were only vaguely hinted at in the vast sea of unintelligible legalese that flooded the pages of my contractual agreement.

    that obnoxiously inflated cell phone bill has yet to vacate my life. being that i have not had any income (or very little) in the past six months, obviously i have not been in the position to appeal to those whom i owe money and been given the chance to resolve all financial conflict. ordinarily, i would refuse to be so blasé in defaulting on such a large debt, but once again, the situation presented is somewhat unique in that i don’t seem to be drawing a paycheck at the moment.

    it should go without saying that of course i have been more than diligently seeking out any potential source of employment possible. sadly, despite having filled out countless applications (i lost track after the sixtieth) and systematically followed up on submitted inquiries, i have yet to land myself a suitable source of income that would allow me to relieve my life of this most unfortunate monetary burden.

    so, i have been essentially stuck. time has slowly (or rather, quickly) hastened its pace and brought me to the point where a collection agency was called into the picture a month ago to secure the funds for which i owe. communication with them has failed to yield any satisfactorily viable solution, and not surprisingly their patience has grown most thin at the lack of green presented humbly from my direction.

    in other words: i have until the end of this month to pay off what i owe *in full*, lest i care to find myself in court facing a trial which would involve additional sums of money for which i still do not possess. my earnest pleas to split the damages up into smaller, more manageable payments has gone unheeded as there does not seem to be any available space for compromise within this given situation.

    not too mention, i of course have my monthly car payment to contend with. the disappointingly meager number of hours that i ended up being scheduled to work as photographer for the santa clause promotion at our local mall at least blessed me with the ability to maintain both december’s and january’s car payments – something i felt was of vital importance since i didn’t especially care to have a repo man make a house call and force me to part with the very vehicle that has been assisting me to search for work in the first place.

    a few days ago i developed a plan to dig through any of the worldly possessions of mine that still happen to remain sitting peacefully in boxes throughout the garage, and market anything of value that i might have on eBay in the slim hope that i could garner a few extra bucks to at least provide a meek amount of hope before i face the wrath of a greedy corporate entity rightfully attempting to collect on their dues. even in the best of scenarios, i would figure that the majority of the assets that i can offload in exchange for currency would just barely scratch the surface of the final total i must have in hand by march, and even should i do get employed within the next week or so, this leaves me little chance of satisfying the demands of those whom i owe since any pay garnered wouldn’t actually be made available to me due to payday scheduling until after the point of no return.

    even when being stared down by this ulcer-inducing mess, i don’t hold any blame upon anybody but myself. evidently i was an utter fool to have believed the words of the representative to whom i was entrusting my cell phone provisions way back when i first signed onto my contract, and i should have thoroughly pursued adequate written confirmation of these alleged claims of service before blatantly assuming that what i was being assured of in person could be considered as true as fact. in keeping with the message that life continually delights in highlighting through various ironic outlets to me, hindsight is indeed 20/20.

    the bottom line: as it stands i now have twenty one (21) days to collect the amount of 600 dollars, which needs to be delivered to the waiting hands of my former cell phone provider before the close of the month. additionally, i have eighteen (18) days to deposit the amount of 250 with my credit union to ensure that i continue to experience the joy of possessing the gift of transportation. failure to submit the 600 dollars by the deadline results in a penalty of +1000 as well as serious legal action.

    if any of you can offer *any* creative suggestions as to how i can legally raise that much money with-in the given timeline, i can honestly say without a doubt that i would most certainly appreciate it. otherwise, i might as well begin collecting whatever spare change i can find beneath the sofa to appropriate myself some astro-glide, because i’m gonna get royally fucked.

    and this time, it truly is not a joke.




  • 2.02.2005

    when life becomes so barren 

    blergh.

    reports of my death could well in fact be true.

    but do go on, and just say it already.

    i'm a bum.

    a horrible, awful, terrible non-blog posting bum.

    (real post coming soon)


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