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1.31.2004

i staggered back to the underground, and the breeze blew back my hair 

not to self: vice city doesn't seem to run on a neomagic card.

i figured that since i am such a vc nut, i might as well install my form of crack onto my vaio laptop in the event that if ever i went away from home an extended length of time and happened to drag my notebook along that i could still feed my addiction. game installed fine (albiet taking close to a half hour to do so as i foolishly installed over the network and not directly from the laptop's drive itself), yet when i fired up the program, it took nearly a minute and a half for the system to register my hitting the spacebar to forgo the opening movie clip that preceeds the first time you set foot on the streets of miami.

when it came time for the actual engine of the game to load up, i breifly got an irq stack dump blue screen o' death and then a reboot that stalled halfway through. fortunately, my baby restarted just fine when i cut the power and switched it back on again.

the financial situation around our house is getting kinda grim. there is all kinds of wicked stress that is building up due to all sorts of little triggers that are itching to play catalyst to something major. hopefully, as in past occurances, we are able to stave off the evil that is desperate to gain a foothold and collapse the delicately balanced house of cards we have thus far been able to maintain.

i haven't been able to get much writing done lately. my guess points to a combination of factors; since craig and i it would seem typically trade off as to who has a good day/who has a bad day, i would assume that the same holds true for creative outlets such as writing; he's busy working on the script to get it finished, whilst i am suffering a lack of ability to get anything halfway mediocre to flow onto the screen and into permanent ascii goodness. the other contributing reason could be the fact that lately, i have only been struck with mass amounts of inspiration during periods of time when actually comitting the transient nodes of thought swirling around in my head to paper is too inconvenient.

like when driving, for example. if i weren't so repulsed by the sound of my own voice when recorded, i would gladly invest in some cheapie digital memo recorder to be able to capture some of the random brushes with literary greatness i seem so easy to encounter when lacking the proper means to transcribe such thoughts for future use.

i tire for now. my couch beckons for me to sink back into the slightly uncomfortable cushions and attempt a night at restful slumber.

i'll letcha know if it happens.



  • 1.29.2004

    it's a rollerskater in some kind of headphone disguise 

    you see these shoes?

    i *love* these shoes. i'm not an extreme shoe collector or suffer from a massive foot fetish, but i bought these shoes back in the beginning of october, nearly five months ago. now, take a close look at them.

    would you ever have guessed that this very pair of shoes had snow and mud all over them just three days ago? we're not talking just along the white soles; there was gunk all over my shoes just having been naturally picked up from being up in the mountains during a snowy spell.

    here's the best part. i haven't even run them through the wash or anything. i didn't do anything towards cleaning them. they just naturally repelled all of the grime and mess, eventually shedding it off like a worn layer of skin.

    despite having taken part in a trail hike in snow several inches deep, and traversing the giant mud pits that were left in the wake of the sun's melting power throughout the canyon, these shoes managed to clean themselves. back two weeks ago when nick and i went on our photo shoot throughout the city, they were caked heavily with mud from the mud all over the lawn of the russian art's museum over by the presidio. you know how when grass gets oversaturated and the mulch underneith just gives way, making for slippery mud patches where whole clumps of grass find their way attached to your feet. even then, i didn't do make any laborious efforts to clean this particular pair of vans.

    i think these shoes can clean themselves.

    either that, or the shoe gods have looked upon me with favor.

    everytime i got nikes or reeboks or addidas, all it would take would be one splash of water or a tiny bit of mud and those brand new sixty dollar pleather monstrosities would be nothing more than fodder for the gremlins that consume worn out footware.

    vans forever, baby.



  • maybe she can graduate to adult kisses 

    read this.

    now i know why i rebelled for eleven years in school and refused to conform to what the system wanted me to be.



  • don't take money, don't take fame, don't need no credit card to ride this train 

    generally i am pretty apprehensive about moving from one office location to another, primarily because my anxiety kicks in when entering an unfamiliar location and being wholly unaware of the customs and such of the new location.

    of course, i felt that way a year ago when i transferred to the doubletree. and look where that got me.....oh. yeah. that's right.

    i *hate* my job.

    especially after helping out at the youth camp this past weekend. even though i put in long amounts of participation, i refuse to acknowledge it as "work" because typically the term "work" only applies to something i don't enjoy doing.

    like when i worked at the store several years ago. the only two things decent about that job were the people i worked alongside, and the paychecks. so long as there are good co-workers, i can pretty much gel in any job that doesn't ever again involve me having to crawl into a broken trash compactor and use a shovel to hack a dumpster out of a shitpile worthy only of lucifer himself.

    but, being at the youth camp helped reinforce this whole drive/feeling that i should do a lot of service in helping out youth. i really get so much out of it; actually changing people's lives and hopefully making them better gives me a lot more satisfaction at the end of the day then listening to hyper-active meeting planners shit themselves about a screen being unbalanced by 2 degrees or so. in fact, i really questioned why i was leaving the mountains to go back to my current job in the first place.

    anyways. so for the first time in a long time, i worked at a foreign location. the nice thing was that it is super close to my house, unlike my main office which is an arduous thirty mile drive down the path of hades that the 101 freeway is. it was also in a much more upscale area, near the stanford shopping center (truly a badass mall) and only had a few, very small meeting rooms. seems like a place i would be more inclined to enjoy working out, although it sees such little business that there is no justification for having two full-time members on the a/v staff there.

    bummer.

    tonight's affairs were simple enough; just had to remove the lcd's from the rooms when they were done and store them away for the morning. in the meantime, i was again under fire from the great alien invading force that is solitaire.

    and i kicked those card's asses.

    i am continuing work on the write-up for the weekend. my mind is still scattered all about as i try to recall everything that happened.

    might be moving down to so cal again this summer. we'll see. mom decided after returning from *her* weekend trip that she hates living up here and wants to go back to redondo beach asap. there are no objections coming from my side, seeing as how i have some unfinished business and loose ends to tie up down in the *real* south bay.

    although, like i confided to rich over this weekend, everytime in the last few years i have gone back to the beach towns, i feel like i am tresspassing on forbidden ground. i really hope that this alienating sensation doesn't continue; otherwise it would seem i don't feel at home anywhere in this state anymore.

    well, i take that back.

    i felt at home in the mountains at the camp. hmm. maybe i should see about applying to be a full-time counselor for the spring.

    before i go for now, a shout out to new friend and fellow blogger cortney. like most cortney's that i have known, she seems pretty cool and interesting to talk to. check her blog out... she's made some interesting jewelery...

    oh. and her friend mary has a very cool writing style as well.

    oh yeah. and wish my blog a happy birthday! it turns half a year old today. *love*

    more inane finger vomit to appear later on.



  • 1.28.2004

    and i've been waiting for this moment for all my life 

    sorry bout that folks. i kinda delayed posting here.

    wow. so, the abridged version of my trip: AWESOME.

    extended version: in the works at the moment.

    i'm still trying to piece together everything that happened, and sorting out my memories and such. it'll be a while, maybe another day or so. but quality takes time.

    i am back at least.

    [dante in the hizzouse]



  • 1.23.2004

    don't look at it like it's forever, between you and me i can honestly say things can only get better 

    i'll be out of town for a few days. not like some people who decide to just disappear from society for a month, but i promise i shall return soon.

    hell, it's only until monday evening.

    and if you urgently need to get a hold of me, well..... no wait that never happens so forget about it. :-P

    after a good friend of mine; an older, wiser, and extremely personable friend read what was essentially one of my older posts piece-mealed together into a letter to him, he immediately requested that i go and check out a speaker that will be appearing at the lutheran camp up in the mountains of the la area. said that i would really benefit from hearing the guest they have lined up for the weekend. i said, "ok."

    riveting, i know, isn't it?

    hence at six thirty or so this morning, which is basically only four and a half hours away at this point, i will begin the long and arduous drive down the hellacious 5 freeway to frasier park. it's pretty easy to find, you just travel down 5 for an uncomfortably long amount of time until you reach the flying j up in the middle of the grapevine and get off of the freeway. then drive for a good hour or so through the snow and woodlands. literally, when i have driven down the 5, so much does my boredom acrue that i taught myself to operate my car with my left foot as well, then interchangably between left and right, and finally deciding at the last second that using a bag of freeze dried apple slices to apply pressure to the gas pedal while dozing off probably wouldn't be the brightest of ideas.

    oh yeah, i mentioned snow. hmm. yeah. it's gonna be like 30 degrees outside and it's expected to snow on saturday. i haven't actually been in or near snow for a good six years or so. this should be interesting.

    thankfully, i got the iPod all loaded up with enough 80's music to literally make the entire drive and back without hearing a single repeat (which was the original intent of the playlist in the first place) so i am rather excited to actually put my collection to the challenge. see if it rises up. i'm more than confident that it will.

    that is, unless the tape deck in the camry doesn't accept the stupid adapter again like it did on the trip to sacramento. course then i was using my laptop to feed sound, not a specially conveniently designed mass mp3 storage device. me luvs apple.

    in my more than usual fashion, i have waited until the very last possible minute to square away all my necessities. this time, i managed to outdo myself from trips of the past. i didn't even have any clothes washed to pack away, and just fifteen minutes ago pulled the last of my garments from the warmy confines of the dryer.

    i am tempted; really, really tempted to fire up gta3 one more time before leaving and collect the last five hidden packages before i head off into the sunrise, but knowing me, a simple ten minute procedure in that game would end up dragging onwards of two hours or so, completely forcing me to forfeit sleep in favor of just staying awake and driving under the infleunce of large quantities of caffiene. not too mention, if i start going nvtz while driving in the game, the chances are severely hightened that at first chance i see a chp rolling down 5, my first impulse would be to ram the side and lead the cops on a wild and wreckless chase. must learn to differentiate between reality and the videogame world. because i swear, it's gotten to the point where while driving in the real world, i tend to single out cars that i have stolen before in the game and strategize ways i can go about accquiring them. not good.

    you know, i bet you coffee affects you as much as booze does.

    ok, seriously. time for me to get what laughably insufficient amount of sleep i am capable of securing.

    back on monday night. until then, use the comments link here and wish me good tidings, and please, don't go near my porn folder.



  • 1.22.2004

    in touch with some reality beyond the gilded cage 

    holy shit!

    so i was digging through literally tons of boxes full of shit that my admittedly pack-rat personality side feels so duty sworn to continue dragging from residence to residence in some futile attempt to preserve as many ties as possible towards my past. needless to say, i found a lot of shit i though it had forgotten about, and even managed to find some crucial files that provide a clearer path to my history.

    sadly, i have yet to find the stockpile of school annuals that i have ammassed from my being held to the services of our nation's education system, but i did come across one particular treasure that, in it's sweetness is almost an equally rewarding discovery.

    dude.

    i found the five, legit floppy discs i got when i bought descent. not descent 2, the shitty sequel. but descent *one,* man. can you fvsking believe it???

    ever the optimist when concering all things computer (well, not always but that's not important), i was hoping beyond all video game hopes at that moment that i could actually get the damn thing to install under the broken facade that is win2k, and even greater, to play. this was not an easy task, as i had to summon visions of long since forgotten cyber dieities, that they might grant my floppy drive to work, and the discs not be too badly decayed (they are after all ten years old now). the lights flickered; the music threatened to cease emminating from iTunes, yet at the last second, the command line terminal was able to struggle through code long since thought of as dead, and once again a digital goldmine lay before me.

    sadly, it is not to be that my sound card be recognized by the software. being that my hardware uses drivers that this game wouldn't have ever dreamt about in it's sweetest of peacful slumber induced escapes, i was tearfully urged to forgo running the program with sound, if indeed it would actually run at all.

    alas! within no time, i had the interplay logo proudly filling my monitor in all it's 320x240 glory, as the remnants of a bastardized ms-dos struggled valiantly to overcome win2k's powerful urge to put it down and silence the cries of an os long abondoned in our technological evelutionary haste. at last, the game itself was in fact running and producing me with the config menu that i instantly remembered the effortless navigation. a few settings changes to reflect my current desire to run in standard 'wasd' mode, and i was off and running in the game.

    three things:

    * i had truly negated from my mind the fact that for each level in the game, you have to proceed with digesting an overbearing tome spanning thousands of pages of seemingly endless text that parades boldly, all the while bringing about the assault that can be had from a very low res still image underlaid behind text that at times was too contrasting, and other times seemed to disappear entirely into the extremely limited visual details of the chapter screen.

    * it is safe to assume that back when this game was written, such a thing as an optical laser precision-guided mouse was as foreign a concept as seeing a web of interconneted data seemingly devour the entire planet. as such, the program reacted poorly to my mouse, or to pose it more eloquently, someone inadvertantly activated the lesser known but still omin-present "hump-the-wall-mode" feature in the game. switching only to keyboard mode, i became hastily agitated upon finding out that the movement keys were inverted by default; compounding this frustration was the realization that in order to make a controller change meant cancelling the currently active game and having to re-tread through the valley that shall be known as "over-used cutscreen land."

    * video game levels that have walls that are textured with only four or five pixels of color that are larger than the whole of your spaceship truly blows.

    nevertheless, i was no doubt thrilled at having been able to relinquish a slight portion of my ever-distant youth. i had overcome a great many obstacle to arrive at the point of glory i now found myself. shooting at the 10 pixel wide computer data screens that littered the hallways of some far-away planetary mine instantly let loose the floodgates on memories of the day todd, david, sydney and myself found ourselves collectively drooling in awe over the brilliant shatter of our first simulated destroyed crt tube. oh, how the times would change and that we would grow on to more sophisticated means of further seeking to dive into an all-encompassing virtual world, faced with endless possibilities and wonders beyond our once naive imagination.

    i paid my respects to those that came before, and paved the way for a brighter future.

    then i went and ran over a shitload of people with a 2,000 polygon, smoothly textured military issue tank in vice city.



  • 1.20.2004

    performers and portrayers; each another's audience 

    shitcakes.

    my gallery is currently down at the moment. some intarweb a-thingy jig that ain't floobjilating quite right. unfortunately the guy who can repair this, since it's hosted on his server, is away on retreat until sometime next week, so for now, you must *suffer!*

    er. i mean, i suffer, because you don't get to check out my cool images and drool over my creative talents.

    damn.

    should i change the sidebar on the right? i've noticed that lots of blogs have a sidebar that is quite small, and even though it packs a lot of info, it's generally in un-readable print and only a few hundred pixels tall. now, i run at 1600x1200, and *i* have to scroll several times to view all the info; it doesn't even fit all on the screen at the same time.

    i was thinking maybe a simple table that had little squares of different links or some bullshit like that. whaddya think? if new people are reading this blog (lord only knows why), what do you think? yes, you can comment; don't be bashful. the comments section won't devour helpless shy visitors. think of the comments link as your friend.

    should i just leave well enough alone and stay with my meticulous default template? should i go for broke and totally fuck around the whole design so that it's basically a garbage heap of text characters and strange line art that has no coherent sense of meaning behind it?

    tell me!!!

    ok, fine.

    be that way.

    but in the meantime, i'll cook up some complicated flash file that has no real inteligible structure to it and only serves to confuse you.

    i got some more mental snot-rockets to fire out. gonna hold off on doing so until i rest meself up nice and good. in other words, be quiet if you come in. i'm over in the corner resting.

    but by all means, make yourself comfortable for now.



  • 1.19.2004

    but when you play in a quiet way, that bites it even more 

    ~ weekend update ~

    broken up into several digestable sections, for your convenience.

    work:

    so i did have a rather silent shift going on sat night. 2-10 can be either extremely busy, or dead quiet. thankfully, this weekend it was the latter. on the way into to work, just before getting to the hotel, limelight by rush came on the radio and nearly blew me away. i would have smeared my car against the offramp divider wall were i just slightly more engrossed with that song. it instantly put me into a happy mood and i found myself humming the tune several times during the night. the morning guy was stilll there and was supposed to clock at out half past three, but managed to get a ride at three and took off early. that freed me up to close the office door, keep the hotel radio on, and begin conquering the planet known as solitaire. after a brief mix of winning and losing, i stole myself a good hour or so to nap. for some reason, the office chair was a lot more comfy this time, and i peacefully slumbered until about four or so when i went to doublecheck on a group that was to be coming by the hotel. they hadn't shown at that point, so retreating back to the office, i queued up some hall & oates on the iPod, and idly surfed the web while waiting for the time i was supposed to deliver some equipmet to a room and complete a set.

    having provided the customers with what they said was "excellent" service (their words, not mine), i returned once again and watched boondock saints with the audio commentary of troy duffy (director/writer) selected and listened to his annecdotes. some of the info he delivered sparked relevance in my mind, along the lines of what craig and i are attempting to do with our indie film and thus was of great intrigue to me.

    having finished the dvd, i set about doing what i could to get our storeroom in a bit better order, and retrieving the now severely dusty pipe & drape that we generously loaned to the hotel restaurant to hide all the construction work they are doing to prepare for the new steak house opening early next month.

    finished, went home.

    sleep:

    i had a dream sunday morning where our family had finally made the switch to attending a different church (albiet it's much farther away in real life), and i was quite happy when i met lots of girls around my age that actually seemed to give a shit about hanging out with me.

    church:

    perhaps the dream was a precursor/premonition to what the morning would be like. mom decided last minute to drive off to the coast and sit on the beach for a few hours instead of attending service, which proved fortunate for her because our pastor was awol until five minutes before service when we found out he had driven halfway to church, realized he was sick, and headed back home without informing anyone. the council leader instead presided over the worship, which is something mom has said before would be a catalyst for her to cease attending our particular church ever again.

    sitting in the back of the sanctuary was a person that looked familiar to me, but i could only get short glances of during each of the songs as i had to focus more on playing drums then investigating the congregation. halfway through the service, it struck me; he was a guy from when i worked at a particular video game company (5-1, if you are leet enough to figure out alpha-numerics) that had played guitar accompanied by me on drums for several months, that i was thinking about e-mailing a few days ago. i had sent him something a few months back but had never got any response; as soon as the service ended i found out why. turns out he was the latest victim in corporate ass-covering, and has joined the ranks of the cult we here in the valley refer to lovingly as the "unemployed." it was cool to see him again, and his family seemed interested in returning to our church more in the future. hmm. maybe i inspired a potential new member. wow. i'm..... amazed. anyways. he was a guy i used to jam music with. we're making plans to arrange some more music jam time since he has a lot more freedom on his schedule now (for obvious reasons).

    rest of sunday:

    watched the patriots hand the colts their asses on a platter, further developed plans with craig on our project, and then headed off to johnny rockets with nathan, to be concluded by a viewing of swat and then heading back here.

    now:

    mmmmm. sleep.



  • 1.17.2004

    why don't we do some boogie voogie? 

    conversations heard on the 11:07am northbound caltrain from hillsdale to 4th and king on friday, january 16th 2004:

    a man negotiating the price of a volkswagen jetta, with 110k miles on it (4700 dollars) on his cell phone to somebody in the city

    husband and wife dressed up in business suits, reading articles out loud to each other and discussing, as they put it, "top secret office stuff,' possibly in an effort to make themselves appear more intellectual/professional

    boyfriend and girlfriend figuring out how to get on muni once in the city

    overweight male student snoring

    conductor (over intercomm, every five minutes or so) requesting that passengers have their tickets ready to be stamped, despite the fact that *no* personnel ever came by and verified that correct fares had been paid

    several people annoyingly speaking way too loud on their cell phones

    railcar attendant answering a person's station query just out of my sight on the first floor



    things noticed on the 6:07pm southbound caltrain from 4th and king to hillsdale on friday, january 16th 2004:

    white skater kid meditating in hindu fashion

    giddy asian couple practically having sex in a booth

    man carrying computer tower, sans mouse, keyboard or monitor

    weary businessman using very large thinkpad laptop

    overweight male snoring

    man speaking softly on cellphone to wife or possibly daughter, informing them he'll be home at eight

    sleeping man on upper deck, seven seats behind me with cap over his face

    lack of conductors collecting or stamping fares

    young woman in northbound train at hayward park stop who made eye contact with me for a brief instant, and then returned to leaning her head on her arm against the window as our two trains took off in opposite directions.



  • 1.16.2004

    and the long halls and the gray walls are gonna split apart 

    "you're prolly gonna hafta stay late until that group gets done."

    two days ago, i had a couple significant dreams, and again yesterday as well, i had an interesting dream.

    the first set of dreams involved me at some water park/amusement park that had this intricate series of faux caves that had odd flourescent lighting and indoor waterfalls. preferring to stay inside for some reason, i kept climbing up the rock stairs in this small spiral staircase up to a waterslide that passed in and out of a giant rock tube. there were lots of people splashing about, and one of the times i managed to land down in the main pool to find a friend i haven't seen in four years or so. it was this really talented artist, from when i worked in tech support, yet in this dream he was in a wheelchair and seemingly mute; ala chrisopher pike in the menagerie, but he did have a companion that was a really gruff, overweight japanese man.

    i took some elevator up through the cave and after a few seconds of disorientation (an oddity, since i usually am quite abreast at the changes my dreams will take and don't usually get too confused during the dream itself as to what is going on), discovered that i was in a giant, dimly lit room that looked kinda like the boiler room in the bowels of the hotel. indeed, there was lots of pressurized equipment, and as i strained to gather more of my surroundings, a loud klaxon began wailing, coming from the other end of the room. it took a few cycles of the siren blaring to recognize it as being the alert sound from near the end of ghostbusters, right after william atherton pulled the plug (ok, really it was the con-ed guy, but on the orders of walter peck) and their ecto-containment thingy reduced their basement to fine brick dust. i had but one chance to save myself from being annihilated by whatever this warning sound was hailing (some horribly unimaginable death i would figure), and that was to prime a fuse and restore the current. go figure. in laura dern fashion i threw the switch over a few times until it caught, i heard a slightly loud "clack" sound, and the alarm ceased to be. don't remember what happened after that.

    dream from yesterday morning involved another friend i haven't seen, but it's only been a year or so since i last hung out with him. back when he lived up here, it was quite normal for him and i to disappear from society for days at a time and see what zany effects we could produce in trying to record his guitar and my drums. at any rate, in this dream we were setting up for yet another recording session, but this one was taking place like our first few ever did, at my old church in redondo beach. he didn't seem to be the only musician present, either. there were tons of college age singers, a keyboardist, and a bunch more people just "hanging out." i wasn't gonna be playing drums because for some reason i hadn't brought mine and the church didn't seem to have their kit available.

    instead i was the recording engineer and in one of the few pieces i remember vividly of the dream, was setting up a mic near the keyboardist who started playing and a few of the girl singers accompanied him with some impromptu lyrics.

    but as usual, i woke up.

    so, i've been thinking about the lottery lately. on their website, they have a section where you can view the 'number frequency' and you can see for yourself what numbers turn up more often than not. this information should be helpful in identifying commonly chosen numbers, but here's my question:

    can an equation be written that determines what percentage the chances are of the least picked number to appear in a future drawing?

    like, chaos theory would probably state that you should actually select the lesser picked numbers, as they stand a better chance of being picked in future drawings since they haven't been before. but, reliably, would you rather stick with a number that often gets chosen, as you statistically stand a better chance of having that number be drawn?

    during one of the many times i washed my hands at work last night (i'm a neat freak and hotel a/v is a far grungier job than most would assume), there happened to be this fellow also washing his hands whom we both instantly managed to strike up a conversation. talking to this complete stranger, it felt as if i were conversing with a friend i had known for a long, long time.

    there sometimes are people in this world to whom we hold a connection to that is beyond our understanding.



  • 1.14.2004

    from books to toys to videogames, it's the biggest toy store there is 

    craig made a comment here that wal-mart and the advent of the mega chain store has some influence over the life or death of the dedicated toy store.

    i would agree with that as well (a fact i had not considered) but still, on principle the whole concept of buying everything at one store, while appealing, actually disappeared for quite some time during the last century. if i do recall correctly, at the beginning of the century it was such that you would purchase all of your wares and needs at one particular shop, partly due to there only being a need for one proprieter, but also because it was a lot harder for multiple vendors to exist in competition with each other. in time that eventually gave way to individualized stores that tailored to specific needs, providing us with much broader varieties of both prices and items since a dedicated store would hold stronger interests in accquiring products.

    as we slowly return to the concept of "one-stop shopping," i wonder if perhaps the advantages really will be all that great.

    because, after all. think about it.

    if there is nobody to compete with a store's prices once it has eliminated the competition, who is to keep said store from beginning to inflate their costs to whatever their fancies desire?



    oh. and the toy selection at wal-mart usually blows. to suggest it's even a fraction of toys 'r' us is utter foolishness.



  • this is the end, the end of the innocence 

    we'll start this off with some somber news of chapter 11 woes

    now, this may not be terribly *awful* news, i mean let's face it; the majority of kbtoys are stuck in the dingier corners of malls, and generally suffer from any number of issues including, but not limited to: poor lighting conditions, lack of aisle space, messy product arrangements, and overall filthy walls and floors.

    but, what we're playing witness to is a major, major shift in the vendorship of toys and toy-like product. this is only further evidenced by yet even more troubling news of toys 'r' us filing for chapter 7.

    worst yet, fao shwartz recently shut down most of their stores in an effort to struggle with economic hardship.

    what the fuck is going on here? last time i checked, there hasn't really been any kind of slow-down in the birth rate of this nation, yet for some reason, toy peddlers are fast going out of business. we're talking about companies that have been around for decades, *decades* people. hell, if i'm not mistaken, fao shwartz has been around for almost a hundred years.

    so, population increase was taking place. the current generation of children seem to be more than slightly spoiled, and their parents for quite some time enjoyed a financially rewarding period. so obviously, a lot of these children were bought toys. those *had* to have come from somewhere, and those toys weren't free. so what happened to all the money that was spent on these toys?

    now, a lot of people are more than eager to pin all of this trouble on the flailing economy, and on gw's direct cause of that, which for starters is complete bullshit. let's take down the first piece of garbage right off.

    face it: the economy had started a nosedive long before bush ever was sworn in. if anything, it started occuring right around 1999-2000, and it wasn't even clinton or any major politician's fault. there was no way that an economic increase based almost *solely* on start up companies that had absolutely no sense of a long-term business plan could ever have flourished. there was bound to be a point in time where people began to realize that there was no way to sustain significant growth from companies that failed to produce *any* results despite having millions of dollars invested in them. there is a very subtle difference between reality and fantasy, but believe me, it does exist.

    second, i tend to discourage the possibility that this particular economic downturn is what is to blame for so many of these once giant empires seemingly collapsing under themselves. most of these toy vendors existed in the 1970's, which faced a similarily harsh financial period yet somehow, they all managed to survive.

    perhaps it could be more of a situation of poor management inside these companies that is inspiring the current trend of failure? quite possibly because of the history from which they came, management in many companies during the middle to early-late portion of the last century may have had a better understanding of what economic trends could potentially be like, unlike the current upper-management generation which was raised during a period of extreme economic prosperity. could this possibly be why companies seem more and more to not have any sort of provisions, some type of "rainy day" fund that exists solely for the almost guaranteed periods where financial growth is on the decline?

    these would certainly be trends that i have noticed in jobs i have worked at previously. there doesn't seem to be any kind of system at work to protect an empire from the times where it no longer is possible to keep laying off employees, closing offices, and selling assessts in order to make the year-end numbers emerge from the red. perhaps this could even partly be a contributing factor to the depressingly high unemployment rate? it may be soon when the quite lazy "hack and slash" policy to acheiving positive figures is no longer capable of sustaining any industry and they all collapse under their own grossly overinflated weight.

    or perhaps i have no idea what the fuck i am talking about and should really just shut my big mouth.

    in any event, it's time for mourning to begin. frighteningly, children may soon no longer know the joy it is to consider themselves a toys 'r' us kid.

    is it any wonder my generation feels lost and hopeless?



  • 1.13.2004

    what goes on behind closed doors, you don't know maybe she cries herself to sleep every night 

    i've reiterated it before and time again on this site; the majority of entertainment out there in theaters and on television is just super lame.

    like, this new film "torque." in case you didn't get enough of "fast & the furious" before (save yourself the rental fee, vin diesel drives a rice rocket around while looking pissed off and scoring with girls that have low self confidence), hollywood seems determined to hammer the "live fast, die hard, FUCK THE MAN" attitude that is so prevelant in our underground youth cultures today.

    or at least that's what the industry suits seem to think.

    personally, i have never "tricked out" my car using neon lights underneith it, nor have i put a can of nitros under my hood since frankly, i don't care to chance blowing up the front half of my car after a miscalculated burst shatters my engine block.

    but hey. that's just me.

    although i do have a theory.... i'm gonna put intel, amd, nvidia, corsair, and ati stickers on my computer, and see if it runs faster. hey, if it works for plastic imported cars, it should work for computers.

    thankfully my car payment is all taken care of, and i don't have to worry about pulling another several hundred dollars from my ass until sometime next month. i do have a small but decent paycheck coming next friday (should be about the same as the last one) so that will help.

    didn't really do a whole lot today. mostly sat around and thought. and then thought. and thought some more.

    conclusions of this long period of thought?

    um. i dunno, i wasn't listening. what was the question?

    yay! ed wood is out on dvd soon!!! *joy*

    those destination orbitz commercials are freakier than all hell.



  • i've seen all good people turn their heads each day so satisfied i'm on my way 

    shit shit shit fuck damnit all.

    so, i HAD typed up about half of a post here, until i made the dumbass mistake of clicking a link and being gleefully whisked away to some other page. now, typically blogger will SAVE the post you were WORKING ON at the time when you do this, but for some horrible unexplained reason, IT DID NOT.

    fuck fuck shit damn son of a.

    well now.

    i seem to be getting better over this here cold. sunday was the "light-headed and dizzy" phase, where-as monday was the slightly less pleasant "slimey mucus overflowing from every facial orifice" phase. the airborne tablets really helped me to stop the sickness dead in it's tracks before i were to be overpowered and at the mercy of bacterialogical agents. there would have been a pandemic akin to 28 days later. my god! there might have been *monkeys!*

    recently (aka, yesterday) i began an archival project which aims to bring about order to my memories and help fill lin the gaps that so freely seem to wash over my mind like a cloud, or a really dense morning fog. i now have a much better sense of roughly how long i have lived in each house that we have occupied (except for the two houses in abq, for some reason we can't remember when we moved from tanoan estates over to carriage estates) and also have refreshed my brain as to what all our previous addresses were.

    truth be told, i had pretty much forgotten almost all of them up to the last three houses we most recently have taken up residence in. even just by looking all of the addresses up and seeing them on mapquest, with all the streets and neighborhoods, it helped to bring back a lot of old forgotten memories.

    so far, so good.

    and what to become of this knowledge once it is all amassed??? what shall i do????

    the same thing we do every night, pinky!

    gotta run by the credit union later on in the morning to drop off this month's car payment. i am sure that at some point, my boss will call in wondering why the hell i'm not at work. even though he had only said on saturday that tuesday might be a *possible* shift, and never actually called later on to confirm that i needed to be there, or even at what time. um, so yeah smashing job sir! don't bother telling me what time my shift is at, or even if i have a shift at all. i know i should call in myself, but he said himself that he would call to let me know if i was needed.

    if memory serves correct, this isn't the first time a thing of this sort has happened.

    i'ma go and pay a visit to the land of slumber. oh such soft and rolling green fields do yonder send forth such heavenly song? bliss! grace aware that i may embrace in the shadows of the heart. flow forth a river of love unto my soul, and make mine eyes to see thine splendor!



  • 1.10.2004

    i have to admit, it's getting better 

    i really did want to just go back to bed and sleep off the remainder of the migrane/sinus headache that was plaguing my skull last night, but instead decided to take reality like a man and go to work anyways. i'm kinda half glad i did, because truly i do need the hours. i haven't really made it clear on this blog, but i did only work about three days total in the month of december.

    this was both a blessing and a curse as i immensly enjoyed all of the free time last month, allowing me to work on various projects that previously i had not had any time to devote towards, but of course since this world revolves around money (it is becoming clear that the more you have of it, that better off you can be) i began desperately figuring out last-ditch efforts to maintain my bank account and still pay off all the debtors that circle my room like ferrociously hungry vultures.

    luckily, the two days toward the end of the month were enough to add money back in that i can go off and pay the january car payment, and still have quite a bit left over. using some gift money, i picked up a subscription to playboy, being that they were offering a two year package for the low price of twenty bucks. suprisingly both craig and nick expressed concern over this, wondering if perhaps i would become excommunicated from my family for having done this. but mom confirmed my decision by declaring "you're twenty four and it's your money." sweet.

    i have to step outside of things for a moment and say that, as a total male pig, it has always been a fantasy of mine to discover a former girl accquaintance bearing all in some skin mag. i know, i'm worse a person for having said that.

    getting back to the original topic (by now you must realize that i delight in skipping off to random side topics when i write), convention/trade show activity pretty much dies around the holidays. everyone is too caught up in spending time with family to find time to gather in a stuffy cramped ballroom to listen to boring ass speakers droll on about shit they don't really care about. eventually business will pick up again and i'll find myself working exhaustive twelve hour days for two straight weeks in a row, just like last year.

    unless of course i can wrangle my way back into working a third term in tech support. compared to twelve hour days of non-stop physically demanding labor, fixing the computer issues of clueless people over the phone is a dream job.

    the shift started off innaucuosly enough, we had a tremendous set in the upstairs ballroom that several union guys were clambering over and fine tuning. i was told to begin working on the projectors, and being the perfectionist i am, spent close to thirty minutes with one of the units, trying to square off the edges and flush the image with the screen. i couldn't quite get the angles right no matter where i moved the projector to; it always seemed to be off in just this one corner. after purging all the settings back to factory default, i again was baffled that the damn thing still exhibited this fucked up left upper edge. it was only when i realized that the screen *itself* was bowing and that the top corner (the very same giving me problems) was higher than the other edges of the frame, that there was nothing i could do at that point; i merely gave up on getting it 100% accurate and keystoned the rest (i truly hate keystoning).

    and then it was only after all this mental anguish that i was to discover that this room wasn't even gonna be *used* by a group coming into the hotel, it was simply done for a photoshoot for the hotel to display in their upcoming 2004 brochure. the icing on the cake was when the photographer decided that there was too much ambient wash coming off the rear projected screens and that we simply had to turn off the units to allow him to shoot the room normally (photoshopping in a replacement screen graphic later anyways).

    in fact, the majority of the sets i had to do that night were all for photo shoots that were done this morning. having learned that, i didn't even bother putting cables or hooking up any of the equipment in the room. pretty pointless to go all the way if it's not gonna be used, or seen in a photograph.

    having figured this out pretty early on made the rest of the evening a bit easier to deal with. i still was massively light-headed and felt like i was gonna pass out several times, but managed to pull through it.

    although, i for some reason didn't bring my iPod last night. something inside of me just simply said "don't bring it," and usually when i get messages like that i tend to follow what they say. even still, i felt almost naked not having it with me at work. i can remember when i used to go to work before i bought it, but somehow, it seems to have become a part of my attire even if i don't really acknowledge it's prescence half the time. the nakedness was completed by having forgotten my mini-mag as well; i almost felt like a lost and confused child.

    but i managed just the same.

    went to bed about two or so this morning after discussing movie stuff with craig. managed to find an arriflex dealer with a good offering on a camera, so at least we hopefully have resolved the camera dillemma. now only fifty thousand more items to worry needlessly about.

    even though i went to bed at about two, i didn't actually get to sleep until about six am. still unable to breath through my nose, i kept flopping about like a beached whale, desperately gasping for air through my mouth. after awhile of only breathing through your mouth, you begin to experience a massive facial pain that is akin to someone smashing your skull in with a hammer.

    not that i know what having my skull smashed in with a hammer feels like.

    but i imagine it is not dissimiliar.

    to pass the twilight hours i strained to listen to the very faint 80's music that randomly played back from my computer, attempting to guess what each song was if i couldn't hear it too well. i keep the volume of my sleeptime music just above the noise that my computer itself emits, so at times softer songs or songs with quieter parts usually get lost in a phasing sea of white noise. sometime before six, both brother and seamus headed off to work, at which point i rolled over on my couch to the other side, and despite sleeping in a position that was very anti-feng shui, i discovered that in such a spot my right nostril opened up enough that i could breathe quite comfortably, and i drifted into a very peaceful slumber until around noontime.

    downing some more airborne, i glazed over from watching a putridly wretched film on scifi, after which i sat down at my computer, engaging in idle chats and waiting for mom to return from the store with some chicken noodle soup. eventually went back to the living room to catch the last quarter of the tenn/patriots game, showered (very refreshing) and then watched the remainder of a mighty wind which mom and dad had started viewing while i was cleansing the sickness from my person.

    wow. thinking back it's now three months last friday that we went and saw the stage show of mighty wind up at the warfield.

    time again is going by way too fast. i'm coming up on the six month anniversary of having started this blog. damn.

    how sad is this? i just *now* realized while glancing at the box across the room that the motherboard i bought nine months ago has a serial ata port on it. i'm really hoping it's not an entire year before i get to complete this puppy, but it's starting to look that way. i just don't have the money for it. it will be mine, oh YES, it will be mine.

    as of this moment, normal air flow has been restored to both nostrils, and aside from a bit of light headed dizziness, i am feeling loads better.

    which is why i am gonna go sleep. i'll be back here soon enough.



  • 1.09.2004

    all the boys think she's a spy, she got bette davis eyes 

    ugh.

    uuuuuuuugh.

    *snort*

    last night as i discovered the inklings of a sore throat, i quickly downed some airborne to help try and calm the beast that threatened from within. although a part of the sudden and mysterious cold i contracted sometime in the last twenty-four hours has progressed to the point of massive congestion and head-throbbiness (signs that the airborne is doing it's job), the sore throat intensified during my sleep as my nasal cavaties began leaking back upon my esophagus. a few hours into sleep, both nostrils decided to close off in order to seal in the terror. i ended up gulping air like a fish everytime my less then peaceful slumber was shattered by saliva being involuntarily flushed back down my system, sending my neck into searing pain and jolting me from a most intriguing set of dreams last night.

    blowing my nose is a fruitless task. i'm sitting here currently fatigued from having gotten maybe two hours of decent sleep (collectively) with all the rest of it being throw-away. i kept hoping that perhaps the icky, achy feeling was possibly only a component of some of the dreams i was having (again, these were too real to have been merely dreams), but yet when i finally did toss back the covers with a curse at eleven this morning i was feeling significantly worse than when i did before dawn.

    the first dream i had was definitely inspired by recent stimuli. i was on a bus that red foreman (from 70's show) was driving, with the rest of the cast scattered about in the seats in the bus. at some point, he had to talk to some inspector or something so i took over and began driving. this no doubt echoes the fact that i stole a bus in vice city late last night. running up and down the aisles was a little girl from church that i had just been talking about with some other people (she had been pushing over all the other kids at preschool again) and she was singing a police song. it took me a while after waking to realize that chances are she was signing that because there happened to be a recent police song cued up in my ultimate 80's winamp playlist.

    anyways. i'm sure my dream didn't represent the concept accurately, but it seemed to me like driving a giant bus with a manual transmission is a lot easier than operating a car with a stick. probably the momentum behind the bus helps a lot.

    at any rate, the dream dissolved to a classroom or some other similiar situation, where i constantly was seeing signs to go out with or talk to this girl i know in the waking world. like a subconcious thing; trying to notify me of subliminal hints that i should ask her out. this was somewhat in vain, being that i have already been aware of these hints and the like for quite some time now (almost a year).

    problem is, the particular girl in question is only sixteen. so, ah... no. a twenty four year old and a sixteen year old do not work well (i wish they did, she's adorable and fun to hang out with) but such is life. again, i always seem to attract underage girls. why is that? i haven't really noticed younger girls all that much lately (a sign that i might in fact be maturing), but yet i still every now and then am made aware of these gals that seem to have an infatuation with me. now, if they could just hold onto that crush for another few years until they are college age and actually datable, it would be all good. but, again there is a problem, in that this particular girl won't be around here (residential wise) for very much longer.

    ah well. life goes on.

    like i stated earlier this morning, i have work this afternoon/evening. it figures; i don't have work for the entire month of december save two days and i feel fine the entire time, yet today i have work and a cold just randomely decides to attack me with a vengeance.

    i think regardless of how late i get home, i am gonna take either a hot shower or bath; just *something* to help make me feel a little bit better. especially since my job is at times extremely physical, and if we have a bunch of union techs coming into work tonight as well, i am guessing tonight will be quite demanding. ugh.

    but it's all good. i've done this shit before. death can wait until after i clock out.

    aww fuck. here come the chills....



  • it's gonna be a cool night just let me hold you by the firelight 

    omg omg omg.

    so i finally found one flavor of clearly canadian still available at a local 7-11 a few nights ago.

    *joy*

    also, since i began playing gta3 again, it was a very quick matter of time before i was able to complete the story missions and beat that portion of the game. now what is left to do are all the side missions. that has been occupying a large degree of my time.

    got work today (friday) from 3pm until 10. should be interesting, sounds like it's a big set with union guys on the job as well.

    was gonna go shooting pics up in the city yesterday (thurs) but nick forgot that he had to attend the mayor's inagguration downtown and wasn't available. we're re-planning for next week sometime, as i haven't gotten any word of future work hours available as of yet.

    not too much else for now.




  • 1.07.2004

    oh and it lights up the night, and you see you're a gypsy 

    despite having not watched it since i came dangerously close to burning myself out on it, i had a dream about animal house last night. i don't recall really what role i was playing, since at times i was acting very bluto-ish, even though i kept passing bluto in the hallway. i lept off of balconies, swung around on stair banisters like a monkey, and just generally whooped it up having a blast.

    and of course, i saw kate. *drools*

    there were even enemy frats that were out to destroy us... i myself almost ended up being tossed into the campus pool. luckily i managed to distract them each by convincing them how much they enjoyed having phallic objects humping their ears (yeah, i know. don't ask) and returned back over to my hang out in time to inspire everyone to go on this big roadtrip.

    walking to the car, a crack of lightning and thunder overhead made me shut my eyes for a brief second, and when i opened them i found myself standing in the middle of a suburban road during a massive rain storm. i attempted to seek shelter yet to no avail; there weren't any overhangs on any of the houses on this 'leave it to beaver'-esque street. i began running down a slight hill, the road gently curving as it went down a fairly mild grade. when i got to the crux of the turn, there happened to be what at first glance seemed like a large collection of debris from a knocked down tree. once i got close to it, i was able to determine that it actually was a giant pile of peacock feathers; extremely large ones that would eclipse 10 feet if you stood them up on end.

    the entire street was blocked by this mass, and after a fair amount of searching i managed to locate a small enough opening through the mess to pass through to the other side. once there, to my left sat the house i had used to live in down in redondo beach, only instead of there being a steep hill on the other side of the street like in reality, there were just more neighborhood homes. having sought any port in this storm, i walked up to the front door, and recognizing a piece of furniture, took my key out, unlocked and began to open the door. just as i got the door open several inches or so, it promptly shut with great force. puzzled, i tried the doorknob and it would not turn.

    i had already been aware that this was a dream, so i wasn't thinking too much of the door not opening (freaky shit that disobeys any sensible laws of physics occuring on a more than regular basis), until i started to walk down the front steps and the door opened, revealing a complete stranger. it took nary a second to realize; of course. i don't live in that house anymore, this is the new occupant of the place. a middle aged father with his family quizzically peering from behind the door was what greeted me, and it only took me a moment to explain to them that i had once dwelled in this structure as well, might i come in out of the rain for a few?

    they granted me that permission and even fetched a warm blanket for me to huddle up in, having previously been oblivious as to how cold i had been out in the torrential downpour.

    unfortunately, had i not been rudely drawn back to reality by the piercingly shrill tone of my alarm clock, more of the dream would have continued . oh, and i got a call from the nuerotic assistant boss double-checking (actually, triple checking this time) that i was gonna be there at work on friday afternoon.

    i didn't really do anything much of consequence on monday. just sort of existed, that was about it. woke up at noon (a fact mom was sore about) and basically consumed the rest of the afternoon with chats online, and then tearing up the streets of vice city. oh, and discovering that spike has fucked up their next generation airing schedule, so now i gotta get used to yet another network time change. damn those corporate execs.

    the man is keeping me from becoming complacent with television schedules.

    yesterday i managed to wake up at a more reasonable time; nine am. still a bit later in the day, but even still, a good three or so hours before i normally wake up at. mom provided incentive by preparing a breakfast for all of us, consisting of scrambled eggs, toast, and oj. it was quite scrumptious, although mom keeps thinking her scrambled eggs always taste too rubbery (they aren't).

    again not too much excitement for a large portion of the day; decided to try out gta3 again, and was quite impressed to find that in the two hours of time i spent playing, i never once had a system crash or irq stack dump. bitchin.

    it wasn't until about six or so that we left to attempt locating the elusive burlington coat factory up in daly city. it only took us an hour or so of driving around in circles, passing seramonte, and getting stuck in some random residential area before we finally had the brilliant idea to call the store itself, and force coherent directions from the over-glossed mouth of an essentially twatty store clerk. after being informed that "oh, no, you want to take the exit that our website's directions *DON'T* say"), finding the store was a massive breeze. think of all the poor seals that died from our engine exhaust during that lengthy drive!

    even after all that wasted time in the car (which wasn't too bad, we were pumping the once upon a time in mexico soundtrack), my brother only needed two minutes to determine that he didn't like *any* of the trenchcoats that they had, and proceeded almost to throw a shit fit by saying how everything sucks, there was no hope, et al.

    and you thought that *i* was the only one like that.....

    we headed back down the peninsula to hillsdale where my brother wanted to get a shirt at mervyns, and i myself ran across the street in the light drizzle to barnes & noble. one of my uncles gave me a twenty buck gift card, so i was looking to spend it, but fifty fucking dollars for four dvds of a series?? you gotta be shittin me! fuck, even fear & loathing was close to forty bucks in the store (the online price is slightly better) but even still. i ended up holding off; i'll return and spend the card when i have some money i can use to help complete the transaction.

    back over to the mall, and the group was just wrapping up with mervyns. seamus had ran past the other side of the mall to the borders that was a few blocks down, so while we waited we ended up strolling leisurely through the mall until brother wisely suggested we go get some lemonaide. thanks again for that bro! and of course, what good really is lemonaide if you don't have a pretzle to go with it?

    we returned to the car to wait for seamus, and found out that he had come back to the car quite sometime ago, then gone to mervyns, then to the car, then to barnes & noble, then to the car, then back to mervyns, to the car, and once more to b&n before meeting up with us at the car. seems he was looking for us the entire time and was unable to locate us. eep! we apologized, and told him once of us will bring our cell phone next time to prevent him having to get totally drenched.

    came backhome, chatted online. not really much after that happened. the high point of the day was the whole trip out of the house and getting lost.

    oh, i do recall one major thing of note on monday night. i made the best damn fruit cobler i have ever made.

    boo-yah.

    oh, one other thing of note.

    *ahem*

    it would seem that by adjusting the sound-out setting for *quicktime* manages to help correct the issues that *iTunes* has with right-clicking and other program incompatibilities. while this is nice to have found a solution to keeping songs from stuttering anytime i right-click on something, it still begs the question: why? why was apple such a bunch of cock-knockers by not changing their code to work better on the windows platform? i mean, i understand the sensicality of running iTunes through quicktime on the macos, being that qt is an essential component of the os. but forcing the same operating guidelines on windows?

    fucking retarded, man.

    catch ya all in a bit. time to go frag me some hood gangmembers over on shoreside vale.



  • 1.05.2004

    i hear your name in certain circles and it always makes me smile 

    it would seem that everytime i post, i manage to forget one or more points that i intended to touch upon but did not.

    ah well. thoughts that are lost and scattered, to be relegated as seldomely accessed neurons. i wonder if you can defragment a human brain...

    last night, i kept putting off having to clean out the bathtub. partly because i had found more enterprising distractions for my time, but also because the bathroom had managed to re-accquire the malicious odor that it had belched forth before we added heavily chlorinated drain clearing product. when i finally did enter the bathroom at eleven the smell was more than slightly revolting. i have not vommitted in close to seven years now, and though i did *not* vommit this time, the smell of spent food product having been regurgitated back from the disposal instantly brought back the memory of the last time i did honk all over the place.

    you know. sense memory and all that.

    after applying a sensibly liberal amount of lemon scented cleanser to the tub surface and providing plenty of elbow grease, the stall was sanitary enough to enter and shower. unfortunately however, the cleaning agent was not sufficiently powerful enough to fully mask the satanic odor of the filth that had sat comfortably for several days until being evacuated by the plumber dude. the heat from the hot shower water helped evaporate traces of the film that i was unable to scrub from the tub walls, thus filling the air even further with a now fully inhalable iteration of the gunk.

    time to bring out the big guns.

    the video project that my services were requested for this afternoon turned out alright, giggling jr high girls aside. we managed to get everything done after ten or so takes. one of the girls i swear will eventually become a professional actress or already may be a thespian (no, that's *thespian.* you better look it up if you think i meant she was into muncing carpet). that or she just watches way too much tv that common acting skills have imparted upon her mind like a sixth sense.

    of course, i would have been able to get them started on the taping portion much sooner had the video switcher connections not been so horribly fucked up. i really want to know who truly thinks that plugging the output of a tape deck into the *input* of a switcher means you will get any kind of signal sent back and recorded on a tape in said deck. essentially, whoever last randomely plugged everything in suffers from a most extreme case of aixelsyd. it took me close to an hour just to figure out where the fuck everything happened to be plugged, and another fifteen or twenty minutes to discover that even had the last person gotten half of the connections correct, that several of the cables didn't even seem to be carrying any signal in the first place.

    *shakes head at questionable incompetence*

    at least the video eventually got made, i managed to solve a problem (several in fact) that nobody else had seemed capable of figuring out, and one of the girls kept saying my name as a blooper in several of the many outtakes we suffered.

    i returned home just in time to witness perhaps the most embarassing fourth quarter of the entire football season where my precious (well, not so much anymore) broncos were drug kicking and screaming to a most painful death. there really wasn't much else to do or watch on television until the new episode of the simpsons came on. before that happened, i relaxed and watched two great downloaded episodes of a massively under-appreciated and mis-understood show.

    it continues to marvel me to no end at how readily people on a whole are at digesting truly awful attempts at entertainment. i continue to state that the future of film going is beginning to look massively grim; so long as a movie has neon lights, exotic motor cycles, explosions, breasts, breasts, asses, breasts, and the underdog thug who is being kept down by "the man," it's gauranteed to score blockbuster success. story and plot are really throw-away concepts at this point. more like novelties, throw-backs to a bi-gone era when people didn't suffer from media induced attention deficit disorder. perhaps in time order will be restored and more people will actually remember what it means to make a film that doesn't rely on keeping the audience amused by switching focus or shots every 3.6 frames.

    apart from the next x-men film and a few others, there really is not all that much that is intriguing looking coming up anytime soon. hopefully something as heady and thought-out as craig and mine's film will be able to stand it's ground against films that win audiences over by regurgitating the very same catch phrases it originally spawned upon unsuspecting mindless sheep. which in a way is ironic; a lot of times films and music are responsible for creating one-liners that integrate themselves into youth culture, only to return back to their original source yet having somehow become disconnected from the scene. in essence, the very same industry that originally made you say what you do now sounds incredibly false because it's attempting to once again capitalize on something it previously held control over.

    as far as i am concerned, the simpsons died several years ago. the writing on the show has become absolutely atrocious, and instead of making a witty quip and leaving it be, the show now delights in taking time to setup a joke, then establish the joke by telling it, and then beating it further to death by providing some post-joke analysis. what results is writing that sounds unsure of itself; that perhaps it's audience won't chuckle to themselves if they don't happen to know the specific significance behind such one liners. instead of relying on only a percentage of an audience understanding what the hell they were being referrenced, it seems like the show is determined to ensure that everyone understands every comment that is stated.

    look back at the first several seasons of the simpsons. all sorts of in-jokes and referrences were made that a significant percentage of the audience may not have fully understood, but the writing was solid enough that it didn't care whether or not you got all of the jokes. there were some things that were only meant to be perceived by a priviledged few; the rest of the populace still being fed enough more common, low-brow material as to appeal to all walks of fans. now, it seems that in order to referrence some obscure source, the show now needs to fully explain the entire purpose, and then present the joke. in essence, "here's a funny joke, and here's why it is a funny joke, and wasn't that just now a pretty funny joke?" at this point, there may still be humor in the joke, however by explaining it, it was in effect completely ruined.

    let's watch scream. knock knock. who's there? why it's the guy from scream who kills people! you know? that film we were just watching! how ironic! i wonder what he's gonna do.....?!

    see? that whole thing just sucks. no humor at all. but say they started watching the ring, and when the knocking was heard, the dude from scream burst through the door and slaughtered them.

    oh wait, you might not find that funny either.

    damn.

    well i give up on that. comedy writing definitely is not my forte.

    but perhaps this is a better example. in one truly depressingly non-funny episode a music artist (i don't recall offhand who it was, i made it a point to wipe as much of that particular episode from my memory as possible) did a guest spot where they performed a song of their's. instead of the artist just doing the song, marge had to first say "hey, here's that performer, who did this song. would you like to sing for us?" and then the artist sung. LAME.

    there weren't even any jokes integrated into the appearance; the entire thing was shameless. not that previous guest spots on the simpsons haven't been gratuitively shameless, but at least the writing staff attempted a veiled mask to keep it from being entirely without shame.

    it also seems to me like a lot more banal quotes are making their way into pop culture. seems like a lot of films and tv shows are written with the desperate attempt to produce as many memorable catch phrases as possible to avoid a fate worse than death; forgotten about. if script writers concerned themselves with composing good solid stories instead of one-liners, they wouldn't need to fret about their film being thrown into the wastebasket when the next chunk of jetsam was hurled in calculated fashion toward target demographics.

    but then again, what do i know?

    that's something i've noticed tho about society. whereas things used to be built to last, it now seems more profitable/desirable to offer a product that summarily degrades and self destructs after a predestined amount of time, giving way to the next innovation in successively decreasing mortality fated product developments. instead of buying a car that lasts for twenty years, people invest in vehicles that barely make it to the hundred thousand mile mark (something that occurs typically in less than five years in our current socio-economic climate), helping to fuel an industry in which if you don't posess the latest and greatest, your self worth comes into serious question. rather than going for reliability and forging memorable links with customer bases, companies are more eager to sacrifice almost everything in a desperate bid to just secure a customer's attention; once they have that attention there doesn't seem to be any major infrastructure having been laid to retain that customer over time.

    it's the whole "live in the now" attitude. who cares what we buy tomorrow? so long as we are buying what industries demand of us today, there are no complaints it seems from either camp. and yet i am stuck here realizing that something is terribly wrong with the current landscape but not being able to quite identify the irregular pulse.

    jeebus. i hope all of that made sense. it's one fifty in the morning; even though i am fully awake don't necessarily expect *conciousness.* such a luxury is only reserved for those who can afford to not be worried about it's prescence or lack there-of.

    but that's why you keep coming here.

    brainfucked.blogspot. identifying the fucked up issues with the world.

    each one more meticulously scrutinized than the last.



  • 1.04.2004

    well now you see what you whanna be, just have your party on tv 

    last few days have been.... interesting to say the least.

    and a learning experience as well.

    i have (somewhat regretfully) not received nearly enough sleep to remain slightly sane. it got bad enough that this morning at about 1am, instead of just going to bed like i thought i would do, i fell asleep in my chair and didn't wake up until about three and only then did i get into bed. i hate leaving my monitor on for such long periods of time since let's face it, from the moment you first turn on your monitor after buying it, it is slowly dying. given that my last monitor fizzled out after attempting to fire up one last time, and that i am majorly broke, i don't care to suffer a repeat where my slightly brand new monitor (two years old this fall) bites the big one and leaves me with no means to stay connected to my baby (my computer).

    especially since i run at a higher resolution and refresh rate (1600x1200 @ 75Hz) which wears away at a monitor a lot faster. however, anything under this resolution is literally painful for me to look at. i can get by with 1280x1024, but anything below that and i start getting headaches. it bugs the shit out of me to use a computer that is prodding along at 10x7, or God forbid it, 8x6. if the computer is even running at 640x480, it had better be because it's booted in safe mode or it's going straight out the window.

    had a dork moment there. sorry for that.

    but still, *shudders.* the only time i managed to use a computer at 10x7 is my laptop, as it's lcd is just simply incapable of anything higher. partly, my attitude comes from a photoshop background, where the more screen real estate that is available is a blessing, but also it's because when you start getting to higher resolutions (someday i *know* i will get to run at 2400x1900)(*drools*), the microsoft logo on the start button becomes indistinguishable from the glob of lord only knows what that is sitting on the screen glass.

    i know some people really don't give a shit about the screen res they run at. i do. i'm just horrifically anal.

    i didn't really do much on saturday. late friday night "diversions" left me going to bed at nearly five thirty in the morning; i crawled onto my sofa in the same manner a wounded soldier struggles to make his way onto the gurney out of the firefight. i don't belive i slept too late tho, i seem to recall actually getting out of bed fairly early in the afternoon. it was difficult to sleep while the plumber that finally made his way out took care of the drain clog and restored proper water flow through our downstairs water fixtures.

    the guy who had "fixed" our system (affectionately nick-named 'sewer rat' as indicated by his name tag) at the beginning of last month *was* supposed to show up on friday, but for some reason or other (i'm placing my bet on INEPTNESS) failed to show and hence we had to call the service depot once more and inform them that, yes this is quite an urgent situation being that our kitchen was essentially non-functional without that precious gift known as "plumbing."

    thankfully a different guy showed up on sat at about noon, and this time went through the pipes the correct way to effectively remove the clog, instead of just running a snake down the tub drain for a while and then declare it resolved. my guess is sewer rat is pretty lousy with the ladies if his idea of taking care of things is just jamming it in for a bit and then leaving when he thinks it's done.

    i did somehow manage to drag myself out of bed despite massive waves of exhaustion and nasuea passing over me. didn't seem to be able to finish the sandwhich that mom got me for lunch. although, i did consume nearly a gallon of this v8 tropical blend juice that i have become an addict of. some people have crack. i have tropical punch. i am a bitch to fruit juice.

    wasted an afternoon by idly flipping through the television to see what was on (not a whole hell of a lot) and gave up, instead relying on halfway decent conversations with people online.

    nick and i did have a good little chat tho; we ironed out plans for our photo shoot adventure up in the city sometime this week. the concept is wonderfully simplistic: we have one hour's worth of shooting time, not including transportation. written down on pieces of paper are locations in the city that we are to spend five minutes or so each at; in which time we will shoot as many pictures as we can before the alloted time expires and we must move onto the next area. each location is picked seemingly at random by drawing the names from a hat.

    the majority of this plan was something i devised while up in the city the other day; only originally i was only gonna allow myself an hour period to shoot and travel, meaning i would have to move panickedly about the city while attempting to get my goal taken care of. nick suggested we not include transportation in that time limit, and also to select the areas at random to help add to the chaotic nature of the idea. my hope is to be struck by inspiration throughout the city without really looking for it specifically; more just seeing what we can find and what pops out.

    then the idea would be to combine our photograph efforts into maybe some type of journal or gallery. if the idea is successful, i would be extremely interested in performing the same experiment with other major cities. another project that i have is to eventually compile a huge photograph archive on the boston subway system. i dunno why, but for some reason one of the things i love, that is *love* about boston, is the subway network under the city. actually, that's not too surprising given my past affinity with trains.

    i could spend the entire day below the streets of boston and have a blast. that's not to say that above ground in boston isn't spectacular as well (it certainly is), but trains and subterrania go together really nicely.

    sf sort of has a subway system with bart, but it doesn't really cover the city; rather it passes through it and then under the bay over to oakland, but really, who would ever want to go over to oakland? downtown oakland looks very nice, but four or five city blocks does not hospitable a city make. bart is basically a whanna-be subway system... it's got some neat designs as far as the few in-town stations go, but that's about it.

    at any rate. it's good to start off a new year with inspiration. maybe restore some of the hope that i feel i have lost.

    in about two hours i gotta go help a friend from church with a video project. they need to do a "split screen/phone conversation" scene for a confirmation video, so i'm just gonna do a two camera setup into the sony effects switcher we have up in the control loft. should be a quick project, assuming the board still works even though i haven't really checked it in a year or so. no, two years ago. wait... yeah. wow. i've said it before yet i will continue to re-iterate; time moves by way too damn fast.

    except for when you are impatiently waiting for something. damn time and it's relativity!

    yeah, that was when we did the musical and i was board op/camera op for the event. hmm. hope it is still working...

    gotta go run to the store. lemme see.... damn... somebody won the 88 million lotto draw last night. guess i gotta shoot for a measly 7 mil instead. ah well, such is life.

    back later on, and i might even post again today. i haven't posted in like three days now, so guess i better hop to.

    if you're lucky, that is.



  • 1.01.2004

    so we're told this is the golden age; and gold is the reason for the wars we wage 

    yesterday morning i was awoken not by family or by an alarm, but by having overslept to the point where my body hurt yet again. i had indeed ended up staying awake until about three that morning before retiring for sleep; i felt the aftereffects of awkward sleeping habits take hold yet again in the form of the all-too common headache.

    looking at the clock, i noticed that it was close to noon. being that it was new year's eve day, i immediately felt the tinglings of rage build up as i realized quite irritatedly that we were not going to be heading into the city that day. if we were to head up there at all, it would have been around nine in the morning or so. my anger sat for quite a while, as i attempted to ponder just why it was that every single one of our family traditions had been seemingly abondoned in this past half year. mom had hinted that we might possibly not be going to sf as per our custom the previous day, having become exhausted from helping a family friend move.

    however, seeing as how pretty much *all* our schedules were re-arranged to coincide with that day to allow us to go into the city, it seemed quite strange to me for us to experience such a bold departure from the norm. i decided to at least leave the house for a spell during the day when mom offered for me to tag along and to go out and run some errands.

    it was good to get out for at least a little time; saw some old comrades at the store when we went to pick up a few last-minute items. refueled the camry, and picked seamus up from work. i had bought a lotto ticket, hoping to cash in on the 71 million or so, but alas we didn't get any winning sets of numbers so it's now close to 81 million and will prolly rise much higher by the next draw on sat night. headed back home. not too much excitement.

    until the garbage disposal in the kitchen once again clogged and began vomitting back up into my bathtub in a dreadful reminder of the beginning of the month. this time, it was far worse smelling as mom was smack in the middle of cleaning out the fridge, and the clog happened sometime after the lasanga and the two week old burger meat. even though there was much less water flowing into my tub, it stank a thousand times worse. wow.

    liquid plumber gel seemed to work on the sink's end of things, but didn't do dick for the tub drain. at least the cleanser washed away the malicious odor of spoiled foodstuffs. now all we have is the eye-burningly overpowering strong scent of chlorine passing through the downstairs. assaulting one's breathing passage with the airborne equivalant of sandpaper is a wonderful way to end the year.

    in a way tho, the whole plumbing issue seemed to summarize the last half of the year in a way.

    at any rate, i managed to get over things and in spite of everything loosen up for the rest of the night. i was placed in a far better mood at the promise of entering the city today should it fail to be raining out, as a compensation for having lost something meaningful to me. it also helped that edward scissorhands was on television at the time; i had forgotten how badass that film had been being that i last saw it about six years ago. the rest of the evening was spent for the most part talking to craig online about our film, and then watching a bio on hefner and the playboy mansion on a&e.

    i decided last night; our film *must* be the ultimate, if only to serve as our springboard to getting admitted to that place. i mean, damn.

    just, damn.

    at around fifteen minutes to 2004, i swaggered on into the living room to watch thousands of people on television whoop it up down at the embarcadero. even though i have more than the means to have done so, i wasn't really feeling all that sociable to go hang out with thirty thousand people whom i neither knew nor cared about.

    i felt slightly validated by the fact that it began pouring out halfway through the fireworks going off from the ferry building, but not by much. the images of tons of young, pretty couples getting all sorts of tongue wrestling on was more than slightly depressing in many ways. thankfully, we managed to find a re-broadcast of a brian setzer concert from japan on one of the public television stations; the show was damn incredible. he had this one trumpet player kevin nelson (affectionately nick-named hotdog head by seamus) who was certainly larger than life and was one of the most enlightening aspects of the show. the rest of the band were no slouches themselves, tho; his drummer looked enthusiastic enough that he could have charged at the audience at any point in the show without surprising anybody; the bassist played slap bass with an upright; and he had some cute looking back-ups that essentially were eye-candy as far as anyone was concerned.

    in the middle of stray cat strut, instead of the original solo, they broke into the pink panther theme. totally fucking badass. executed *flawlessly*. muy exquisite.

    the encores were also quite awesome. i was most pleased.

    three am i pretty much had had it with being awake, having never quite shaken that initial headache from waking up at the middle of the day. i fell back upon my pillow after having listened to "new year's day" by u2, as per my own personal annual tradition, and then slept.

    once again, i pulled a shining move by waking up at noon today. although, to be fair i had been woken several times prior by the sound of incredibly torrential precipitation. at seven am i realized the dreaded truth; we wouldn't be going into the city once again. having eliminated the one need for me to wake up fairly early in the morning, i fell back asleep and more or less remained there save for the times the rainfall got to be monstrously loud.

    noon arriving, i actually bolted up from my couch in a daze, having been awoken by some subconcious system my body must have created to help preserve my sanity. i slumped upstairs to find dad washing all our dishes in the washtub in the laundry room, seeing as how we are unable to use our kitchen sink or dishwasher until the incompetent plumber that said he 'fixed' the sink last time comes back and actually does his job correctly this time. although it is a strong possibility that the whole plumbing issue could have resulted from the massive amounts of rain we have been experiencing lately; the last time it did this was during the freak storm we had where close to four inches fell in slightly more than an hour.

    mom arrived back from some errands just as we finished up, and salvaged the day by saying she was interested in heading to the city later in the afternoon. delighted, i went off to shower and get ready. we took off from the house at about three thirty and made our way to daly city to catch bart in to market street. it was glum out but thankfully had stopped raining; just in case each of us were armed with an umbrella.

    the city was a bit busier than it usually is on new year's eve day, but it still was fairly managable. our first spot was to hit the old navy across from the virgin megastore. inside the store, the umbrella i had brought kept popping the handle up and shooting the knob across the floor; finally at one point the handle shot off and went sailing off into a display, and rather than spend five to ten minutes hunting for it i just conferred with mom as to whether or not i could just simply throw the thing away. it wasn't really worth keeping anyhow; the stem of it was just this metal pole that had a jagged edge that i was sure would impale someone if it decided to randomely go off again in a crowded situation.

    after bro purchased a really cool shirt, we headed up the street to union square where the light was seriously fading fast. by time we had actually arrived in the city and made our way up by the macy's it was past five, and the sun was on it's way to the other side of the globe. i snapped a mad load of photos in a complete frenzy; the images will be posted in a bit here. the williams sonoma store was really cool; they had all kinds of delightful items, as well as some very pleasant smelling lotions. normally, i'm not a big fan of lotions (i like it rough, baby) due primarily to the high grease factor that most cheap lotions have; it was sufficiently absent from these. i tried out a sample of the lemon marangue smelling stuff; even now my hands still smell all lemony and wonderful.

    from there we took an electric trolley down to fisherman's wharf and then walked to ghirardelli square to check out the new lori's diner there. we usually eat at the one two blocks up on powell from union square, but this one recently opened next to the sharper image near the chocolate shop. dinner was quite good, and it was nice to for once sit and enjoy a meal with the entire family. haven't been able to do that a whole lot lately; christmas eve was the last time we did manage to.

    stopped by the ghirardelli shop to get some chocolate squares, and then headed back to market on the trolley to catch a bart home. the ride back to daly city was amusing. for half the trip, it looked like this group of college girls were riding in the other end of our railcar. most of them were quite cute, but i couldn't think about them too long as i was trying desperately to ignore the gangly looking old chinese guy that kept staring at me every few moments.

    *shudders*

    anyways. all in all, this was a fairly alright way to ring in the new year (save for the old chinese pervert and the bathtub of vile death). it didn't really come together in the way i expected it to, but what things really ever do in life? it was good to spend the time with the family, and to hang out in a very intriguing city once again all together for possibly the last time (if it does end up that we move away in the summertime).

    so, how did you spend your new years? i'm dying to know.


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