radio video boogie with a suitcase, you're living in a disco forget about the rat race 

maybe the last post of the year. hmm. better make it a good one, eh?

were it not for some enlivening conversations provided by several good friends, today would have pretty much been a wash.

having foolishly waited until four am once again before going to sleep, i didn't wake up until around noon and even then i had another monster of a headache. i didn't oversleep, tho. i ended up getting roughly eight hours of sleep, which may actually be too much for my body now since i have conditioned it through repeated abuse to accept only five or six hours of sleep a night.

however, some good web surfin, music listening, and then conversing with craig and hajra online helped to brighten what was otherwise a pretty overcast late afternoon. it never really started raining (unlike last night when it was pouring out on the way home from pool), but just kinda kept a morose atmosphere outdoors which in turn translated into muted shadows throughout the house. unfortunately, one of the very few negative qualities about this house is it is not nearly as bright as the last place. where as we sat on the rim of the canyon and received more than ample ambient illumination in our last dwelling, this house is surrounded by trees and the like that obscure most of the sun.

as much as i hate the gangland whorepad that mtv has devolved into, i found myself during the early part of the afternoon becomming intensely addicted to the new show, "roomraiders." the concept is garishly simple enough; three girls or boys are selected, and a member of the opposite sex then has the opportunity to peruse through the regeneration quarters of all three of the subjects selected; the end result being that the lone investigator then has to choose their date based only on the criteria they discovered in each of the three bedrooms. interesting concept, but from the context of each of the episodes, this seemed to be a rather new show idea, only they were running an entire marathon of the series.

this would be keeping inline with mtv's habit of developing new shows, shitcanning them before they ever broadcast, and then lumping all the episodes together on the air on a particularly slow music day. chances are, that show will never be thought of again after the master tapes are destroyed at midnight.

one disturbing theme came floating quite proudly to the surface; all of the participants of the show were white, afluent, and extremely good looking. they didn't have any normal or average individuals on. which was somewhat alright; there were more than enough boxom blondes to drool over as i willingly allowed a significant percentage of my intellect be raped and left for dead in the shattered remains of my skull.

when i couldn't stand the abuse any longer (really, i had very little brain left to fret about), i turned my full attention to the computer and met with moderate success at attempting to rebuild the fragments of my mind. one particularly morose offshoot that directly resulted from extreme exposure to such idiocy were some altogether frightenenly dark suggestions i came up with that genetic engineering would be able to attempt. however, in keeping with a friend's wishes, i shan't reveal the wonderfully creepy details of my original idea.

just know, friend, that the thought was of the type to be expected after having been subjected to mtv's garbage. where is the music? mtv2, baby.

since both parental units were consumed with rendering aid to a family friend in moving to another apartment, i was called upon to provide return transportation for our youth director at the airport, who was arriving from the east coast after holiday. having not been aware that there was a major incident occuring on rolston that reduced el camino to a total mess, i foolishly headed down the road into the fray and spent a horrid ten to fifteen minutes waiting four rounds through a traffic light to get to the freeway onramp. in the meantime, i cranked up the local disco station and began boogying in the car. i'm sure that it must have been a humorous site. maybe even cute, but i wouldn't go that far. hopefully some girls saw me, as i wonder if girls think positively on a guy who not only knows how to dance, but can do so while driving along a crowded boulevard.

i just tried looking online to see if i could provide details of just what the hell may have happend on ralston earlier this evening, but no cigar. i myself want to know what it may have been, considering that the scene contained about seven firetrucks, as well as scores of police cars all over the place, and two helicopters that were low enough that a simple leap from the rooftop of the blockbuster video would have landed you square on the running board of one of the medivac choppers.

after finally getting on the freeway (which creeped along slower than molasses, negating my preferential use of cruise control), i managed to get to the airport with plenty of time to spare, seeing as how the youth director's flight was delayed in arrival by about fifteen minutes. the drive back was good; had a nice conversation with the weary traveller and brought her back to her place safely. i ran by wendy's for some grub as it were that mom decided to forgo cooking a dinner tonight, since half of the household currently was not present and wouldn't be for quite sometime.

came back and marveled at the wonders of highly concentrated grease that can be cooked to taste like nearly any food substance you can imagine, and then continued talking with craig online for a bit. although, it wasn't really much more of a conversation then bantering back and forth about diamonds are forever, which was the current bond flick running on spike.

which reminds me. shannanigans must be declared against the spike network, seeing as how it was supposed to be the "007 days of bond;" half of the day during the weekend they ran non-bond related content, and even when they did show bond films, they only managed to run the same four or five films over and over again in nauseating repitition, and only showing the rest of each of them only once or twice. i mean, hell. the living daylights was *not* that good of a bond serial. not even close. it downright sucked. though, they chose to run it four times. somebody must owe a favor to timothy dalton.

all of the greats (goldfinger, moonraker, live and let die) probably only saw one airing at the very most. which is a shame, because when you finally begin to realize that 'the world is not enough' sucked even harder than you previously thought possible, sadness is the only emotion that seems worthy of using for an apt label.

don't mind that last sentence. it started off kinda cool, but then after the last comma it just sank to the bottom of the ocean.


in fact, look at the program schedule. they credit "roger moore" as representing james bond in goldfinger (blaspheme!!!!) and not only that, but they have goldfinger listed as being made nearly ten years after it actually was. morons.

i still have no idea what i am to do for new year's eve, and here it is now only eleven hours away! the horror! yet another year ends where i failed to find the love of my life. at this point i'm willing to laugh at the painful joke that is my sex life, but it would have been nice to have at least met a good companion of whom i could spend countless hours cuddling with and talking on and on about nothing in particular. i thought i had found that in chia, until i discovered that she's pretty much committed to some loser living in another state (the long distance relationship a topic upon which she expounds her frustrations whenever possible).

i also thought that mary was an interesting person. kj as well was a lot of fun to receive e-mails from, but for some bewildering and wholly unexplained reason, both have just simply cut all lines of communication with me. this leaves me infinitely perplexed, as i have to wonder just what i may have done or said that caused both of them to negate me completely.

ah well. another year, a whole lot more shit to look forward to. it's not all bad, but at times i fail to see what little good there is. mind you, i'm not entirely depressed as in previous new years times; nor am i necessarily or entirely serious. partly it's just the rantings that come from a person at one am, a person who is about to go to sleep a lot earlier than in previous evenings. i'm just merely contemplating existence and what it all might mean.

and as of yet and usual, i am drawing blanks.

  • 12.30.2003

    could it be anybody? i just need someone to love 

    prelude: i must state that currently my abdomen is suffering from massive pain. having dropped some friends off at the pool didn't seem to help; my intestines currently feel as if a herd of gerbils are running a demolition derby within the fleshy walls.

    oh, and i really, really hate mixed signals.

    thanks craig and hajra for commenting! sorry to be a dick about it, but i like to get feedback seeing as how it helps me to know if i am saying the right things or if you feel i should shutup about other things.

    monday was yet another interesting day. the auspiciously deluded prospect of possible romantically physical engagements later on that night were about the only thing that convinced my weary self to get out of bed and manage to get to work by seven thirty am. once there, it basically was in essence a repeat of saturday; one group to have to setup for in the evening, and pretty much nothing else going on during the rest of the day.

    killed about an hour and half fighting on behalf of all humans against the un-Godly solitaire, and then moved on to watching animal house. at around noon i was toying with going to get lunch, but held off since the majority of the non-labor intensive hotel staff would be dining then; i popped in wayne's world (again) and finally made my way down to the cafe at about two thirty or so. the grubs weren't looking too good; the main dish was fried chicken (sitting in enough grease that with careful observation, you could see through to the next dimensional plane) and being that there is a huge mad-cow scare going on right now, i wasn't too convinced to have a burger.

    whanna know what i finally *did* get?

    wow. um, are you really *that* bored???

    grilled cheese, fries, and mashed potatos. woulda had some milk as well, but the stupid dispenser was out and the cafe staff are generally too busy or apathetic to refilling the thing. the root beer i had in it's place was rather flat.

    while scarfing and checking out triage footage on cnn of all the mudslide aftermath down in san bernardino, one of the sales gals came into the cafe and sat at the table next to mine, and then ordered the exact same meal as myself. now, i happen to think that this women is a bit of a bitch, cuz about the only time she says anything to us it is oftentimes negative, and in a very loud tone.

    which is why i was surprised at her cordiality today. perhaps it's true what one of my co-workers said a few months back; maybe she wants me like a fish needs water.

    returning to the office rather quickly as it was fast becoming a very awkward situation (she and i were the only ones in the cafe, and restating my former prejudices against her, i don't hold too fond a sense of needing to spend time with her), i idly engaged in the only labor that was actually required for the day.

    done with work, i headed out into a vast sky of pea soup; truly the drive home was one of the worst i have suffered. at one point, the lane markers on the roadbed seemingly disappeared, a fact which was confirmed by other drivers that i am not really insane when they started weaving about and loosing the ability to keep a vehicle steered away from all the others surrounding it (i shouldn't talk, about an hour or so ago now on my way home from pool i almost merged into a mini-van that was riding in my blind spot). it began to feel like the fog that sometimes envelopes the simi valley in the summertime, the kind where quite suddenly a good hundred or so more cars and semi's decided to envelope each other in flaming wreckage.

    i was lethargically fearing for my life until i passed whipple ave, and the skies parted. back behind me where i had just ventured from was still shrouded in the gathering evil, but up ahead the sky was clear and the sun was beginning to make a limited cameo. the rest of the drive was infintely better, although i still had to deal with the nasty misting spray that results from the rear tires of the car ahead of you. the rain would be so much more tolerable if there wasn't this one major element; although i suppose if traffic didn't travel in such tightly packed wolf herds on the freeways this wouldn't be that much of an issue. but really, where the fuck is the sense in that?

    a nice long, hot refreshing shower was definitely in tall order. i maintain that if you feel completely rotten or feel physically ill, that a good hot bath or shower can work wonders. there is something therapeutic about hot water. helps open up the pores; loosen the skin. the two best ways to instantly feel 100% better are either a hot shower, or changing your underwear in the middle of the day for no real reason. both combined are extraordinarily healing.

    i swear. there's something about routinely changing your underwear throughout the day that helps to improve one's mood (situations permitting, of course). however, this is prolly coming off sounding like i stain my shorts every few hours, so nyeh. fuck it, you don't get to learn the secrets to existential bliss if you're just gonna assume i have a sordid reason for having to change my pants several times a day.

    because i don't. it just helps make you feel..... fresh.

    get your mind out of the gutter. and out of my pants, as well.

    dinner consisted of spaghetti and hamburger patties. despite the fact that i should be able to trust the meat that is prepared at home, i still didn't consume one. i dunno. pasta and burger patties; just a combination i never really 'got.' the salad was good, tho.

    headed off to pool and hung out with nate-dogg (not nathan, mind you. there is nathan and nate. confusing, no?), chia, and a bit later on, rocky.

    much later on spam showed up but not before rocky had to take off. pool was fun even though i ended up 1/12.

    ah well. nate showed me some steps to help improve my aim on the table. rocky kept scratching on basically every shot. and chia was just as hot and teasing as ever.

    i would report a lot more, but i am dead exhausted having been awake close to twenty one hours now.

    yeah, yeah. i'm a weakling.

    let me sleep. sleep, perchance to dream....

  • 12.28.2003

    for every minute that i work, i need a minute of play 

    before i begin here; leave comments!!! sweet zombie jesus!

    i went to all the trouble of trying to find a good commenting system for my blog, and yet nobody uses it! i understand that there are at best four or five people who read my blog, but surely you must have *some* comments on half the garbage i write!

    while getting hours from work yesterday was definitely welcome (so i can pretend that i still have a paycheck, assuming uncle sam doesn't rape it all away), there were only two events going on the entire day, so for the most part i was relegated to watch dvd's and listen to the iPod some more.

    after going through all of the nude scenes in animal house (i had viewed the entire film of animal house for the first time on friday), and having watched raiders of the lost ark from the trilogy pack i got for christmas, i have come to the conclusion that i have a major obsession with karen allen.

    work started off as normal at eight in the morning on a saturday; i got into the office and looked at all the flow charts and instructions, realized there wasn't really anything i had to do at the moment, and sat down at the computer to feed my solitaire addiction. after getting bored of winning, i took a walk through the hotel and discovered that there was a room setup for all the university kids (san jose state's athletics were using the facilities) that had video games and a pool table. back in november when i actually had a more consistently healthy work schedule, they had done the same for a kid's soccer group but in the other end of the hotel.

    i toyed with the idea of using the pool table for a while and improve my game, but being that the group may have shown up and claimed the space, i simply left it and went about my other limited duties; checking our mailslot in the sales office, double checking the event book to make sure we didn't miss anything over the weekend that was needed to be ordered, and then passed through the lobby to both make sure that the hotel staff definitely saw me out walking the floor, and to snatch a copy of the wave to read back in the office.

    this bi-weekly edition happened to be a particularly good one; not that they all suck or that some suck (in general most of the issues are quite good) but this one was a really good read, especially since i have missed the last few issues.

    anyways. exceptionally great lengthed tale reduced in stature, i came to a realization as i was intellectually stimulated by the contents therin.

    i am a lot more creative and inspired when i am surrounded by good materials. the majority of television is such utter shit, that it's quite staggering that i am able form coherent sentences at all after a few hours of watching tv. there are some good things to have come from television; like when i was engrossed in the family guy dvds; those inspired me and filled my mind with ideas. but a lot of the background garbage that's been infesting our entertainment mediums are molesting my brain of any decent material.

    i don't think it's simply limited to television, either. lately, it seems like a lot of current music and films out in theaters are just really, really bland. tailor made for a brain-dead generation.

    when i watch any decent film, i feel energized, inspired. most films in theaters recently aren't decent at all tho.

    in general, there is just this lack of decent, intelligent information. there is this huge void of creativity.

    what does this mean? well, it means that i need to begin an earnest search for lots of good quality material to immerse myself in. there are literally thousands of creative people all over the world; i'm just puzzled as to why they aren't using their potential to the fullest.

    and i intend to do something about it.

    i'm not sure what that something might be.

    although, craig and mine's film project is something that will hopefully work really well. since we're just in the pre-pre-production stages, we have a long way to go. but i feel really encouraged by this; it's a bit of fire under the burners to spur some action.

    there ya go, there's a bit of entry for a spell. i got lots more, but i have to sit and collect all of them and organize my thoughts.


  • you know you make me whanna 

    shout come on now.

    wow, how utterly shittay. four whole days with no posting having transpired.


    i have been renewed; refreshed and born again of a written flesh.

    in mere hours time, words as reflective as gold and sentences that float aloft on scented clouds shall delight in swirling about the limitless vortex that is your mind. they will entice you and tempt you; finding it hard to resist the urge you succumb and give in. enrapture if you shall. or will. or, er... yeah.

    whatever, so long as it means that you lose yourself completely in the delectable splendor of it all.

    your mind is but a playground for me now.

    time for the boots and the tonka trucks.

  • 12.24.2003

    silent night; holy night 

    i am more calm now.

    merry christmas to all.

    blessings to everyone who reads this blog (all four or so) and may the holidays bring you great happiness.


  • when i say that i need you you say you better 


    so, as if there weren't enough items on the "list of things that i like but can no longer get," the final insult comes after finding out that the *only* place that i have found that carried clearly canadian no longer stocks it. no more. all gone.

    this, despite the fact that the drink sold well, and that it's manufacturer is in good financial standings.

    i wonder. is someone deliberately trying to wear away at me by removing *all* of the things that i used to enjoy?

    seriously. i know i sound paranoid, but fuck it. what the shit?

    i can't believe this. five products alone this year have disappeared that i really liked; everything else that replaces them is inferior at best.

    all i wanted to drink for christmas dinner was one fucking bottle of the stuff. one bottle. one fucking bottle. 8 fucking ounces. is that really so much to ask for?

    i acknowledge that i am whining.

    deal with it.

    it seems to me that the simple things that i want are too complex to actually have. so, here's to looking forward to a life where gradually everything i enjoy will simply be removed and all i will be left with is pure and utter bitterness.

    this fact is making me fear falling in love with any new products, because the lesson here seems to be that developing attachments to products is bad since chances are they won't be available to me in the next several years.

    did i mention that you can get that beverage in *every* single other fucking state but california?


    merry christmas.

  • give me one more chance to keep you satisfied 

    aren't you just so wonderfully lucky?


    i got some sketches posted here. no, wait. here. or was it over there?

    in time i may have more of my drawings posted, but as of right now, i'm just gonna post those because frankly, they are all that i have scanned in so far.


    that's a bit of a lie. i have more scanned in but i'm debating whether they are worthy of being uploaded and hosted.

    they have to earn their digital keep, you see.

    lest they get too egomaniacal and demand to force their ways into your mind.

    in which case, *fear.*

    i gotta go find my power animal.

  • 12.23.2003

    that's why i say hey man nice shot 

    pictures from pool night are now posted in my gallery. enjoy!

    oh man. i woke up at noon today, fell back asleep and woke up again at one thirty. i had(have) a massive headache from having gone to sleep so late (basically five am), but it was worth it cuz i got to talk to hajra for quite some time.

    watched some next generation, uploaded the pics, and now trying to figure out what i am gonna do for lunch/dinner.

    i'll be back.

  • is this the value of our existence, should we proclaim with such persistence 

    bethlem ad was fun as always, but seemed... i dunno. this year, the wait was about fifteen minutes (as opposed to the hour and half to two hours we have spent in previous years waiting), and it wasn't nearly as cold. it was definitely crowded tho; it seemed like a lot more people were just hanging around, milling about then actually moving on from place to place.

    yet another example of yuppy parents shoving through everybody there to make sure that 'their' kid gets to see everything as if they are a vip. like at the christmas tree lighting we went to at the carlmont shopping center in belmont. we had a cheery front row spot standing and watching the high school choirs sing, but as soon as the elementary school grades came up, every single yuppy parent there shoved their way to the front, leaving us standing behind a wall of flashbulbs and false enthusiasm.

    oh well.

    at least they still had the homemade donuts and hot spiced cider. that is always the highlight for me. oh, and they usually have a lionel train somewhere in their rec room setup on a table and running about a scale town/mountain range.

    pool night was a lot of fun too, even if renee ended up staying over in davis until tomorrow or wednesday. i shot a whole mess of pictures and a good collection of video clips (pocket cam angle gets used!), so be expecting to see those up on the site shortly.

    and by shortly, i mean "when i get around to it."

    and when i say, "when i get around to it," i mean "leave me alone and stop pestering me for the pictures!"

    on the drive back from returning one pool croonie up to literally haight ashbury (a place ironically, i have never before driven past), and then dropping nathan off at ea, i cranked up the radio in the corolla hoping for some good tunes to come on. what did hit my ears was an altogether pleasant surprise. the blog title for this entry comes as a line from that song, "stand or fall" by the fixx; a song that i honestly have not heard in five years or so. the last time i had heard that song, was when mom, bro and i still made our friday night drives through palos verdes listening to "totally eighties" on star98.7. sadly that station doesn't do an eightie's friday night anymore, but quite pleased was i to discover that iTunes music store had the song; i am currently listening to it again for about the fourth time this evening. :-)

    omg. it's four am and i really should be asleep right now. but talking to hajra is better and since i only get to talk to her for limited periods of time (unlike the literally days on end that craig and i will converse over everything and they're uncle), so it's all good. plus it gave me a chance to check out all the pictures and videos i took tonight instead of waiting until later tomorrow morning. plus, let's face it; chatting with a cute girl is always a plus. (hajra being the cute girl, and cute is an understatement).

    i am also in the process of scanning in old artwork that i did in high school, which will also be posted when i get a chance to upload it. being that i have very little of a life, and am really not doing anything later on today, i suppose i will commit myself to such a task.

    that, and i need to vacuum my room again. for some reason my carpet is a magnet for dust and dirt and crap. well, not crap. crap goes in the toilet, dummy.

    oh, and that's one other thing of note. for the past several weeks, i have seen scout ants crawling about my desk. not a lot of them, just one or two at a time. oddly enough they don't ever go after the candy that is sitting pratically unwrapped next to the mouse pad; instead they wander about and obsess over things like my iPod earbuds, or the glass candle holder that i got to display as a sculpture.

    and then, inexplicably, they have just started to *die* on my desk. like, there are now several that are either out in the open or under the piles of junk paper all over my desktop, that are curled up in ant fetal positions and are *dead.*

    somebody please try to explain *that* one.

    i am gonna go return more fully to the conversation, and shuffle files about my hard drive in an effortless attempt to bring some sense of order to the messy digital domain i occupy.

    one last thing. o_0 somebody buy me this for christmas. right. now.


  • 12.22.2003

    shake rattle and roll 

    there was a 6.5 earthquake at about 11:27am or so this morning in the san simeon area.

    they just showed video feeds from downtown paso robles of the damage they have sustained.

    pretty crazy. i remember the 6.6 quake that struck northridge back in `94. you pretty much don't ever forget something like that, especially when it feels like a freight train has crashed through the middle of your house.

    hopefully hearst castle is ok, as well as linn's in downtown cambria.

    and pray for the people who have to deal with cleaning up the damage and or have to rebuild.


  • in walks her daddy standing six feet tall, says you ain't gonna swing with my daughter no mo' 

    today was interesting. after i uploaded some new pics and movies to my gallery, i began a virus scan of my hard drive (gotta maintain the paranoia) and laid down to take a nap.

    thankfully i shut my monitor off when the scan was done, because i ended up sleeping about five hours or so. at various points during the nap, family members came in to check on me or to see what i was doing. however i didn't end up getting out of bed until close to 8pm. caught the end of the broncos/colts game (broncos totally stomped the colts into the astro-turf) and got wendys for dinner after watching one of my fave episodes of malcolm that happened to be on.

    man. i had an intriguing dream. at first it started off where i was living with melissa joan hart and her mom, but then she slowly changed into laura prepon of that 70's show fame. turns out i was going out with the saucy redhead, and she was all kinds of down with the dante.

    anyways. apart from that all, not much else is doings. was supposed to go to a baptist gospel christmas service tonight, but mom was feeling under the weather and i was ensconced in my sleepfest so we ended up not going. which to me is a real tragedy, because last year that gospel service was about the only thing that got the christmas spirit into me. i hope that something else takes it's place.

    we're gonna swing by bethlehem ad later on tonight, so maybe that will bring some holiday cheer to my soul. or at the very least, i'll enjoy the homemade doughnuts and hot apple cider that they always have.

    oh wait. hmm. i wonder if people are meeting for pool later tonight. if they are, i'll hafta show up much later. we'll see how that all works out.

    so, right now i need to try and force myself to sleep again, since i gotta establish a more normal sleeping pattern to keep my bio-clock from getting seriously whack.

  • 12.21.2003

    teacher leave those kids alone 


    i got published on waferbaby.

    anyhoo. gonna upload some pics later, i have more images from the latest compile of ten-forward.

    oh! which reminds me; i found the set of blueprints i got for that show, and it turns out that i came within a foot of nailing the actual dimensions of the ten-forward set. since i was only using a quicktime vr movie of the room as my guide to how to design the area/figure out the proportions for everything, i didn't have exact measurements and had to go on only my best educated guesses.

    and as it turns out, i am a pretty damn good guesser.

    anyways. i'll be back shortly.

  • 12.19.2003

    we built this city on rock and roll 

    i have decided to at least fill you in on what's been occupying my time (besides lazying around and fidgeting);

    ten forward lounge

    yup. fans from "the next generation" breed of star trek will recognize this as being the ten forward lounge from our favorite starship, albiet unfinished to say the least. i finally got all of the key points in the room taken care of (with exception of the recessed can lights just above the rock sculpture in between the replicators), and next need to fully furnish it in order that it might look a bit more normal.

    the brush/entity work has been a major bitch, but i am finally pretty happy with the way everything looks. unfortunately, there are a few errors whose solutions escape me at odd hours of the morning; for some reason it only started rendering the "sky" of outer space out the windows on the tenth compile, and even then the sky is scaled to some humongous frigging proportion that the huge white blobs you see out the main windows are stars, just greatly enlarged, again for some unknown reason; some of the brushes/entities are not quite lit evenly and so appear different shades of the base wall color; the blue stair highlight casts an insipid blueish/green hue all over the walls across the room; some cracks in the walls are visible despite there being absolutely no space between the two brushes/entities; and some of the textures need to be updated.

    but all in all, again; i am quite pleased with how well it has turned out. eventually it will have a decent amount of tables to help round out the look, as well as some other asthetic enhancements that have yet to be made. in addition, i will be creating hallways outside of each of the doors (the doors currently do slide open correctly yet lead to a dead end wall) and perhaps a few crew cabins on deck ten. i'm not sure, but i may end up making the transporter room on this deck as well, despite the glaring fact that deck ten does not actually have any transporter rooms on it. perhaps if i can find the blueprint set i got of the ship a few years ago, i will see if i can add a holodeck to that level as well.

    if not, i may just create a series of maps and link them all through worldspawns in the turbolifts. we'll see.

    so, enjoy the images and look forward to seeing more of the project as it nears completion.

    (btw, i have not completely abandoned the map i was making of my current house; i have merely hit a technological wall in that the texture load for that map currently just barely makes it below the maximum texture count for a half-life map. i need to do extensive work and re-do the map to ensure that i can maintain the high level of detail currently present, and at the same time appease the half-life engine so as to not have it fall to it's knobby little knees begging for mercy.)

    fuck. it's almost 3am, damnit. i need sleep.

  • 12.18.2003

    shake it up 

    i'm currently working on a post about the day i had on tuesday. just haven't had a whole lot of inspiration on what to write for it. i would rather post the entire thing than in small pieces; otherwise you end up reading the entire thing completely out of order, leaving you in a state of utterly hopeless confusion.

    that, and i'm usually exhausted by the time i post at night. i need to change my posting schedule to result in better quality posts.

    i will say this tonight tho. i declare massive shananigans on the penny arcade store. i ordered the group poster for the comic a fucking month ago and have yet to receive it. i have even e-mailed the person in charge of the store several times to at least get an idea as to why it might be so late in coming.

    if i were to get an explanation detailing just why i don't have it yet, i would be more tolerant. but to be blindly ignored is rather insulting, and reflects quite poorly on their store's integrity.

    anyways. i go to sleep now.

  • 12.17.2003

    don't let the sound of your own wheels drive ya crazy 

    everyone think good thoughts for craig. he leaves for phoenix later on in the morning, where he'll stay and catch LOTR3 (which, btw i saw last week if you didn't see the ticket i posted).

    after that he stays the night and then heads on to new mexico in the morning.

    wish him a safe drive and hope he takes along the tunes i recommended.

  • the wheel in the sky keeps on turning 

    recounting begins in five, four, three, two… um… that.... one that comes after two….

    sometime around five this morning the heater kicked on. even though i’m not suffering from a cold or flu, i was still abruptly awoken by it being far too hot in the room. tossing aside the covers didn’t seem to help; i ended up flopping about on my couch until around six thirty or so and managed to fall into a seemingly restless void of space.

    during this time i suffered an extremely strange dream in which i began losing all of my teeth, starting from the back row and working their way forward. it all recalled the time i was sitting at the a/v control table for the san jose youth gathering in 2002 (in real life), and my right wisdom tooth split; sending the pieces all over my mouth.

    in the dream, each tooth felt a little loose until eventually i was missing my entire lower jaw’s worth of chompers. quite lame i assure you.

    mom awoke me finally at nine since i had asked that she allow me to accompany her and our youth director to deliver clothing and presents to needy children out in the central valley. bro got back from his four hour opening shift, and we ended up all sitting down for a family breakfast. being that this never happens, it was quite special.

    mom, the youth director and i headed off towards turlock since we had far too many items to deliver at the halfway point. i took lots of pictures, which will prolly be posted online at some point in time.

    anyways. i have a lengthy description for the day in mind, but i can’t seem to really focus on anything at the moment. gonna head off to bed and then write when my mind seems more collected.

  • 12.14.2003

    you can dance if you want to 

    sorry for the delay!!

    here they are; the last four chapters of the current graphic novel:

    dante: faux fun
    chapter four: back in the day
    chatper five: going for broke
    chapter six: revelations
    chapter seven: all good things

    i already have an idea for the next one. most likely i will do a few more small ones, but i am currently envisioning a much grander one that would be continually added to and expanded upon. perhaps taking my blog in more of a graphic novel format altogether.

    we'll see.


    had a some kids from the youth group over; two of the cute gals were fascinated beyond reason with my electric train set. giddy is putting it mildly. they loved running the train around the tracks and prolly would have sat there the rest of the night watching it and controlling it from the transformer.

    too funny.

    pool night tomorrow, not much else doings. check back in later y0.

  • 12.12.2003

    when you tumble and you're left with just a thing; where's your crown king nothing? 

    ok, so i didn't get the novel finished tonight.


    but, i have a very good reason as to why.

    ^ and that picture linked there explains it all. or at least, it should.


    however, since the panel i need to get done isn't until the middle of the story, i have decided to go ahead and post the beginnings of the story for you all to stew upon while i finish pulling the other panel out of my ass......er....... gracing it with my creative imagination.

    yeah. we'll stick with that one.

    so, here it is!!

    dante: faux fun
    chapter one: insert four tokens
    chapter two: makin' bacon
    chapter three: silent running

    ....more to come on that......

    see, i at least make good on my promise that *some*thing would have been posted this morning. the other four chapters will be available shortly. prolly either fri night, or sometime sat morning before i pass out.


    sleep is for the weak.

    i need sleep.

    therefore, get bent. :-P

    oh, and have a good day.


  • 12.11.2003

    asphalt jungle, gotta be a man of war 

    oh snap.

    i am in a much jollier mood. you should see how this graphic novel looks, dudes. i mean, damn.

    this thing should hopefully rock. i've done the majority of the work on it tonight. unfortunately i need to accquire a few last minute props in order to complete this project, otherwise i would have it posted online right fucking now. patience young padawan.

    the time will come soon.

    i'm greatly encouraged by this thing. the inspiration for it has been building for the past few weeks, but it wasn't really until this afternoon that i finally disciplined myself to sit down and write out the story to give myself an idea of what i wanted to do. thankfully, miss muse decided to smile kindly down upon me, and gave me what i feel should work fairly well.

    but then again, i'll leave you to be the judge of what it ends up being.


    one fucking panel is all that stands between you and my latest project.



    anyways. again i'm feeling much peppier and believe i should now go to rest. with luck, the graphic novel should be posted later on tonight. if not tonight, than at the very least sometime friday morning.

    *dreams rather sweetly*

  • 12.10.2003

    don't understand why we can't just hold on to each others hands 

    grrr. as i write i'm not too happy.

    had to deal with the garbage disposal backing up into the downstairs bathtub. that was quite lovely. since my room is right across from the bathroom, even with the doors both closed, and having already engaged in a bucket briggade effort to remove all of the standing water from the tub, the scent is floating throughout the downstairs right now.

    eh, but shit happens i guess. just gotta deal with it and move on.

    there is a new album in my gallery.

    panoramic images

    these consist of photos where i intentionally shot multiple images in a pan of an area, with the full intent to stitch them together later on in photoshop.

    however, since we all know just how lazy i can be when it comes to some projects, i had only finished one (the sf roof one) in several months. finally taking the free time i have been so abundantly bestowed, i set myself to work finishing up the other two. see if you can find the separation points for each of the overlapping pictures. i think for some of them you may be surprised. unless of course i failed, and they all suck royal.

    which some people seem to be of the opinion of as of late.

    hopefully craig will realize that all i intend for his business affairs is nothing but success; however at times people are unwilling to recognize good intentions when they are present. maybe in time, i won't sound like a dumbass but someone who knows what the fuck he is talking about.

    i am currently working on the next graphic novel. after dicking around for quite a while, i may have figured out a decent storyline. it's not intended to have quite the same level/amount of humor as the previous one possessed; instead this is more of just a true "noir" type story. i have good feelings about this one, as the last several novels i made starts on ultimately failed because i didn't feel they could hold up to the first.

    but i guess i just gotta put forward the best i can and hope that is enough. time will tell.

    since it seems like all i'm good for tonight is pissing people off, i'm gonna go off and work on the project instead.

  • 12.09.2003

    and it all comes down to you 

    so, for starters i finally did clean out the fireplace.

    you know.

    in case you really were concerned about that.


    oh. so, there is now photographic evidence that i attended a rave.

    check it out. i'm at fun fun!

    some of the pictures are from the actual rave, and then some from the after-party down in san jose, which i unfortunately did not attend. i won't tell you who i am in any of the images; given the evidence provided you should be more than able to determine which person is myself.


    that's about all for now.

    on to watch best of both worlds part two on spike.

    damn, i forgot how much part one rocked.

  • school's out for the summer 

    damn. tonight was slick.

    i fucking owned the table at molloy's for about five games. i got some really killer shots off, too. on a shitty bar table, no less!

    we had lots of fun, got to see cort again, whom i haven't seen or hung out with since way back beginning of the year at a party at rivera's place.

    after a few hours at molloy's, we ended up sliding over to t&c's again. this time we had a big crowd, so we prolly wouldn't have gotten hassled by any street folk, and it was a little bit busier than the last time we rolled there, but not so busy that we had to wait on a table or anything.

    earlier in the day i went on a cleaning frenzy and ended up re-oraganizing all the shit in my room. now it actually looks somewhat liveable, and i don't have to keep stepping over shit to get from one part of the room to the other.

    although, i still have yet to clean out that fireplace.....

  • 12.08.2003

    roxanne; you don't hafta put on those red lights 

    oh snap!!! i almost forgot to mention...

    as we were driving through the city to get to the freeway after fun fun, we passed by some honest to God hookers!! i have prolly seen prostitutes before in my life, but i was never really conciously aware of them until that night. the blonde we saw was pretty damn striking, too.

    and i'm dead sure she was an undercover cop.

    i feel much better after having got a more normal night's sleep last night.

    but, as i read some of my older posts, i realized i had stated that at some point, i needed to clean out the fireplace.

    it's a week later; i still have neglected to do so.

    it's off to work i go.

  • the sun goes down, the night rolls in, you can feel it starting all over again 

    i almost started to pen my latest entry earlier yesterday morning when i got home at like three thirty. however, after debating internally for a few moments as to whether i wanted to just say fuck it and stay up or pass out, i decided (sort of mistakenly) to just fall back on my couch and allow my weary self to rest. even now, i still feel beat to the point where my dyslexia is really showing. i keep misspelling shit and typing words and even some sentences entirely backwards. however, being that i actually used msword this time to compose my post, you’ll prolly not notice too many grammatical errors, and if you do happen to find any, well then good for you.

    of course, this weekend started off with me having lots more energy.

    sort of.

    friday was as normal a day as any, being that i didn’t get out of bed until sometime after noon. i had erred greatly in judgment and didn’t go to bed until almost 4 in the morning on friday having immersed myself in the digital world that is nfs underground. i seem to have reached an impasse in the game where i no longer am superior in hardware to the competition, yet i lack the necessary points to further upgrade my wheels and force the other racers to suck down c02 from my tailpipe.

    when i finally did sleep, it was for a considerably long time. woke up and did laundry; basically ensuring that i had both clean clothes to wear to the ea party that night, and that my work clothes were in a similarly cleanly state for the early morning shift i was pulling on saturday.

    nathan showed up at my place about 8 or so, and we rolled on up to the city. the party was down by the embarcadero, over near the hyatt next to the ferry building. there’s this really great high class grill down there called “one embarcadero” that serves incredibly delicious filet mignon. our event that night was in the lobby/atrium of a really nice business complex a block or so away from that restaurant. they had complimentary valet parking, which was nice even though we had to wait over a half hour for them to fetch my car when we decided to leave at around one am.

    inside the party, they had bars setup all over the place (you’re given three tickets for alcoholic drinks, all other beverages are unlimited and free) and towards the center of the atrium, were the dinner stations. the grub was essentially the same as the party last year; sliced turkey, roast beef, salmon, etc. however, this year they had a more enticing dessert section; little pastries with bavarian crème that had a slice of kiwi and a blackberry, as well as dessert cups that consisted of crème, strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries. sinfully decadent and marvelously delicious.

    got to see a lot of people that i haven’t in a long time; my old former queue lead, other queue members, and people who have since moved on to other departments in the company. we were trying unsuccessfully to get a large group of people to go over to the dance floor regardless of the fact that the dj there sucked balls; nathan ended up finding some friends of his, two sisters; one of whom works in marketing and the other in sales. they were gonna dance with us but at the last minute decided to skip to uptown and hang out at the after-party with a bunch of execs. needless to say, we were quite bummed, although i was a bit more pissed off than nathan seemed to be. hell, even though he was gonna take the blonde sister, i had no qualms with dancing with the brunette, being that they were in their early to mid twenties, it would have been a perfect match for all four of us.

    it did not happen, sadly.

    amazingly, i did end up getting home and to bed a little after two like i hoped to, and even more amazingly managed to wake up in time for my work shift. late in the evening on friday, the assistant boss had called to see if i could come in at seven thirty instead of eight as originally scheduled. i begrudgingly accepted.

    there was just one group to contend with that day so again, once i had ensured that they were set properly and good to go, i returned to the office where i collapsed and slept rather uncomfortably for a good three hours or so. it wasn’t really a continuous nap, as i kept waking at different times to adjust my position at the desk (sleeping at a desk hunched over is excruciatingly painful), and in between fits of rest i surfed the web aimlessly and challenged my mind to a few miserably disappointing rounds of solitaire.

    i also penned a “how to” guide written in the same style as the how to’s on waferbaby, which i am going to see if i can get posted on there. it’s written extremely sarcastically and pretty frank, so those who are easy at taking offense at stupid shit really should just avoid reading it altogether.

    or if you want to read it and pick a fight with me, be my guest. i’m always down for a nasty flame war. i’ll letcha all know when it is posted, if in fact it gets approval and finds it’s way online. if not, i’ll likely just post it here anyways.

    it was interesting to note that during this week when the boss had vacation time, the assistant boss took it upon himself to throw out all of the message boards in the office, including the ones that had all of the boss’s personal photos and other items attached to them. there may be a war coming….

    one of the things that i mulled over in the interim of waiting for five o’clock to arrive was the fact that in general, people’s lives are so disconnected in this era despite numerous technologies having been developed and enhanced to bring people closer together. particularly i thought about this because i started getting major chest pains, and being full aware of many circumstances where people have simply dropped dead for un-explained reasons after having mild chest pains, i wondered if anybody would know how to find me if i were to die at work. realizing that nobody in my family really knows where the hotel i work at is located (since it does happen to be thirty miles from my house down the peninsula), and that the door to the office was locked, and i was the only employee scheduled this weekend, that it would stand to reason should i unfortunately shuffle the mortal coil at work on a morning such as that, conceivably nobody would realize it until monday morning when the boss and assistant boss showed up.

    i mean, obviously somebody would realize that i never returned home after my shift, but more than likely it would be treated as a missing persons case since only a few people at work have a set of keys to the office to be able to check and see if i were there or not. throw in the fact that my family really have no way of reaching me or the hotel other than my cell phone (which doesn’t receive well inside the walls of the hotel, and of course would be utterly useless after i were reduced to a lifeless mass) and it would cause a day or so at least of intense stress for my family as they would have no other way to confirm my whereabouts until they received the grim news from my boss.

    how shitty. interesting how we have built up so many methods of communication and networking, to ultimately fail in such a situation. since people are more increasingly living and working extreme distances from each other, and it’s not uncommon for people to move to an entirely different region of the country then their parents, we’ve moved to a more stressful environment where it becomes difficult to constantly keep track of the well being of others that you care for. it’s not so much about staying chained to families, but not even fifty years ago, it was very likely that you would continue to live in the same town that your family had for many generations, never really moving outside of an invisible set of boundaries. there used to be a time when everyone in your town knew who you were; the clerk at the drugstore had memorized all of your prescriptions, the gas station attendant was the guy who sat next to you at church, and everyone had a much more developed sense of community. it seems to me that community has given way to individualization and independence.

    have you ever wondered what would happen if a friend of yours online were to pass away? chances are, you would never find out what really happened. the majority of our families are prolly clueless as to who all we communicate with (since the world of disconnected communication allows this sort of anonymity), and so would have no idea that they should contact somebody to let them know the fate of your acquaintance. one day, a friend could essentially sign offline and never appear ever again, leaving you to wonder what exactly transpired to bring this about.

    this fear of dying and being left for dead for several days ultimately prompted me to leave the office and begin working on organizing the storage cage, since that at least is an area surrounded by open chain link fencing and virtually anybody passing by could tell whether or not i was in serious medical trouble.

    however, this proved hastily frustrating, because the assistant boss decided to completely re-arrange everything in the storage room. he every so often suffers from these huge flights of inspiration where he decides to throw everything into chaos and then leaves the rest of us to figure out how the fuck to correct the situation. like with our storage room; he displaced all the storage shelves and moved them about the room, trying to find the perfect situation to get all our shit into the miniscule storage area and maintain efficiency. i am one who accepted long ago that there really is no ideal arrangement to get all our equipment into the room properly, but that fact doesn’t seem to stop this boob.

    we used to have this floor cabinet that conveniently stored all of the loose accessories that don’t really have any defined place, such as whiteboard markers, tape, dry-erasers, shit like that. well, he decided that that wasn’t working out for some odd reason in his own little world, and hence tossed it out; now every miscellaneous item is scattered about on the carts throughout the storage room. if you haphazardly bump a cart while getting a screen out (an almost guaranteed occurrence), you are now committed to spending the next ten minutes picking up several hundred markers that were sent flying all over the room and under every other cart sitting there.

    that’s another thing. all of the screens are now sitting up on a shelf that is six feet off the ground. the average tri-pod screen weighs about twenty pounds and sticks out of this shelf a good four to five feet. if you need a screen that is sitting on the bottom of the shelf, you essentially have to remove every other screen on top of that one in order to get it out, since these screens have the notorious reputation of getting latched together and bringing every other one down off the shelf when you were going for just one. now, mind you, the screen arrangement was much simpler when they were stacked in a corner standing upright, taking up about one sixteenth the space they now consume by being on the shelf, and were far easier to retrieve since us short people (he happens to be about six and a half fee tall, as opposed to my stout five foot four frame) but never mind that. we’ll just sacrifice efficiency and space for a plan that has no reasonable explanation and will ultimately fail.

    the thing that finally sent me over the edge is the fact that the assistant boss decided to pull shit randomly off the shelves and scatter it throughout the storage room to see if myself and the other guy who worked on friday night would put away everything in the correct spots. this proved to be endlessly frustrating because as yet, he hasn’t labeled where he wants *any*thing to go, so to put it back where he wants it to be is next to impossible. despite what others like to think, i really do not possess the ability to read minds; a fact that many bosses seem to piss away on a daily basis.

    i retreated to the lobby to secure a copy of the metro to read up in the office (this time with the door open) and soon after discarded the opinions of the metro’s film critic, since they blasted pretty much every film out there except for elf, where they morphed from being a professional film critic to a slobbering fool sucking will farrell’s dick. the review really highlighted that a) the critic lacks appreciation for decent films, and that b) the critic really wants to suck will farrell’s dick.

    thankfully, the group that was occupying the meeting rooms ended a full hour and half early, so i took the opportunity and bailed after striking their equipment. i still received a full eight hours, since i was originally scheduled for nine and a half.

    at home i checked the forum again to see what the scoop was on fun fun (the party i went to on saturday night) and found out that tiffany was minus a ride to the party. i volunteered, being that she lives five minutes from my house, however when nathan and i went by her house to pick her up, we found out through some third-party text messaging that she was at the hospital due to food poisoning. onwards to the city we traveled sans tiffany, even though we had no idea where to go being that the directions to underground raves are seldom announced until right at the start of the party.

    after getting mixed up and following hayes street to a dead-ended, we looped back and finally found van ness, and even scored parking on the street not even five meters or so from the door to the venue!

    the party itself was a ton of fun fun, even though the majority of the girls attending were underage. far too often i caught myself checking out some incredibly hot girl only to shortly realize later that she was only fourteen or so. gah! what is it with me and only seeming to get the attentions of girls that i can’t fuck due to legal reasons?

    anyways. since our directions were muddled, we barely got to see any of clint’s set. we managed to catch the last ten minutes or so before he switched off with the dude after him, and it was cool to hear it but from the way people congratulated him it sounded like he did a really awesome full hour of mixing. ended up dancing in all the different rooms and meeting a whole lot of people. there’s something about the rave crowd that is really great. they don’t seem to have the same prejudices that people generally have; for instance there were all different genres of people in there and yet they all interacted in a very polite, mature fashion.

    if only high school had been that way.

    to say that the party was underground is not just figurative; it literally took place in a meat packing warehouse (devoid of meat and supplies at the time) that was in the basement of this one building on bush street. the walls were all brick and there was virtually no ventilation, so not only was it insatiably hot down there, but there also was the presence of what is affectionately referred to as “raver funk;” essentially the combined odors of all the perspiring people and the smoking people. regardless, it was a lot of fun even though i crashed at midnight, but yet still danced until almost three am when i told nathan we had to bail so i could at least pretend to get a decent amount of sleep before having to play drums in the morning.

    princesa should have pictures of the whole party posted online on the forum at some point in time. worry not, you shall be linked once the gallery is available.

    so, that brings me back to the start of the entry. it only took a few moments to convince myself to sleep, and after only three hours of really lousy rest, i was made aware upon waking that everything that dad had set for the audio at church on thursday before he left for his road trip with doug (dad is the head sound guy, really, the *only* sound guy at the church) had been upset by a recorder concert that had taken place on saturday night.

    being in a major daze from lack of rest, and having just woken from a dream about the party that i had left only a few hours prior, i encountered a half hour or so of half-dream/half-waking where reality, dreams, and memories seemed to merge into one confusing entwined state of existence. it took me a while to come to grips with the overloading barrage of stimuli my brain was attempting to process; literally in the dream it felt as if i had never really left the party but was encountering stimuli from another plane of consciousness concurrently.

    fearing the worst in regards to the sound equipment, i showed up to the church and was instantly confirmed my ghastly suspicions; the next half hour was spent in untangling all the cables that had been lumped on top of each other and thrown out of the way. luckily, out of eight vocal mics, there was only one that i was unable to get connected back where it needed to be (the port for it was underneath the stage which had also been moved but could not be moved out of the way again to plug the one errant mic back into) and everything else managed to work out alright. even so, after having gotten about four hours of useful sleep in the past forty-eight hour period did not contribute to a positive mood when facing the challenge of re-wiring everything on a pretty short schedule.

    after managing to prove that i can still play drums quite well despite having not slept well for several days (actually, it’s the holy spirit that gives me the ability to play) there was the reception for our teaching pastor who accepted an interim call down at bethel lutheran in cupertino. that was pleasant enough; talked to brad and hung out for a while discussing video games and the like. pastor ken then agreed to allow our family to borrow a few of his rifles later on this week for a photo project i have in mind. you will find out in due time what i am scheming….

    i finally got home at two in the afternoon, and more or less slept til seven when we went out to red robin for dinner. that was a lot of fun; i think our waitress “janine” was checking me out the whole night, something that mom confirmed once i pointed out this fact to the family. anyways.

    ok you monkeys. chew on all that there for a while. i think i’ve posted enough here to more than cover for lack of posts over the weekend, and then some. gonna be going to molloy’s for pool again later tonight, so i’ll write about that if anything particularly fascinating transpires.

    until then, don’t bug me. i’m going to sleep now.

    and this time, i mean it.

  • 12.05.2003

    you gotta fight for your right to partay 

    i said last night that this weekend shall be quite interesting.

    tonight, i am joining nathan in attending the ea christmas party. that should be fun, and terminate exceptionally late, say around midnight or one.

    then, i have work on sat morn starting at seven fucking thirty. !!!

    after which, i am meeting up with some ravesf people and going to another party up in the city.

    that'll prolly get me home at about three or four in the morning, as parties often do, and then i play at the early service and then helping with the departing ceremony for our teaching pastor who is leaving.

    it'll be quite busy.

    but i think i've more than given you guys enough to drool over for the past few days. three posts yesterday, one of which was quite long, plus about seventy pictures or so uploaded for your enjoyment.

    you should feel so lucky.

    and i'm glad you do.

    but now i take my leave to prepare for a 48 hour period where i in fact may only get four or five hours of sleep, at best.

    you'll hear from me again when i'm not lacking of crucially needed energy and rest.

  • 12.04.2003

    working on the chain, gang 

    which is where this moron will be for a long time.

    omg. fucking mayo. that's what a person's life and safety has come down to.



  • woke up, fell out of bed... dragged a comb across my head 

    got a new gallery up.

    dec 31st, 2002

    my family and i have a tradition of going into san fran on new year's eve day, early morning and hang out. tour the city, get some good food, and head out before the crowds show up mid evening. it's a lot of fun for us.

    there are some pics.


  • rocky had come, equipped with a gun to shoot off the legs of his rival 

    so, unfortunately we didn't get to shoot the 50cal last night, on our last night of class. :-(

    although, we did fire off a few rounds with the bolt actions (i actually had the lever action) and then learned one of the more important aspects of rifle ownership; gun cleaning.

    however, just because we didn't shoot the 50 doesn't mean there aren't pictures.

    rifle class

    i made plenty sure to take a sufficient number of pictures of my favorite rifle, the hinge action. damn, awesome gun. fit me perfectly, had a hair trigger, and quite accurate with the badass red-dot scope it had. however, i am keeping most of the pictures for myself, since a lot of them didn't turn out quite perfect.

    see, i absolutely abhor using a flash whenever i shoot pictures, simply because the light from a flash is super unnatural and produces all sorts of ghastly shadows that take forever to clean up in photoshop. the only time i would stoop to using a flash are for artistic situations where the flash would produce a unique effect, or in circumstances where a flash is required for the specific picture. any other time, i prefer to do elongated exposures, although when lacking a tripod, those images don't always turn out quite so well.

    for instance, every picture in the auto show gallery was taken without a flash. as you can tell, i wasn't steady enough for some of the shots, considering that the shutter was open for a good second or so for most of them. i have gotten a lot better at steadying myself and keeping still enough to get most of the images to turn out. the nightshot mode on the mavica i have is about the closest thing to a prolonged shutter exposure that i can get for that camera. even then it isn't always enough, like last night where some of the shots of the rifle aren't all that crisp from lacking enough light to produce a vibrantly decent exposure.

    in due time, i'll be posting a lot of my 35mm work that has already been scanned in. there is always the fear that someone will walk off with my digital images and claim them for their own, so most of the 35mm shots (which are what i really care about) will either be super small images, or have some kind of watermark embedded to prevent digital theft.

    even still, i'll bet some wanker out there will rip my content and claim it for their own. it will be at that point in time when i hunt them down like the un-dead they are.

    and i don't treat my un-dead very well.


    despite the fact that doug and brendan already have a digital camera on the road trip they are doing for the show, dad decided to take my digital cam as well, so i am sans the ability to digitally capture the world for a week. i am greatly distressed; it's usually when i suddenly no longer posess the tools that i am struck with massive amounts of inspiration to be excessively creative.


    i have recently become addicted to nfs: underground despite the fact that normally, pimped out street cars really bug the fuck out of me. i currently have a badass miata built up with some pretty impressive bling-bling, and i'm starting to really get ahead in the racing world. well, the digital racing world that is. already been featured on several virtual magazines and receieved some awesome litle trinket awards.

    as for right now, i have to go figure out something to do this afternoon. tomorrow night i've been cordially invited by nate to the ea christmas party which should be a lot of fun. we went last year and hung out with good friends. dilated peoples dj'd a set towards the end of the evening, and the city had this really cool atmosphere about it where it was raining like it was the end of the world. since the party was out on a pier, the water around the docks was churning madly in a pitch dark mass that seemed ready to consume the souls of those who dare tempt it. in a lot of ways, it felt like being in a videogame.

    and this year, we should be able to get there correctly without getting hopelessly confused by the poorly written directions to the venue. i didn't mind so much getting lost since sf is an interesting city to be around, but if they have the same food there as last year, it would be quite positive to arrive before the rest of the crowds and stuff myself with food until i can't feel my stomach anymore.

    time to go hang the picture of grand central terminal i got from birgit the other day, as well as setup the zen garden on my bookshelf and take a backho to the mess on my floor.

  • 12.03.2003

    gonna ride across the river, deep and wide 

    got some pics added to my gallery.

    sf auto show - thanksgiving 2003

    more images to be coming online soon to a web browser near you.

    for instance, after tonight hopefully i should have some decent images of the rifle class and shooting out on the range. i'm gonna be taking my nikon 35mm and opening the shutter just before mom fires off the 50cal rifle, and then closing the shutter a little bit after to get the effect of the veritable fireball of gases that seemingly vomit out of the barrel of that monster weapon.

    the 35mm images will take a bit longer to get online, since i gotta get the slides developed/scanned in/meaningless techno babble that you could give more of a shit about.

    however the mavica shot images will prolly be posted sometime tomorrow. assuming i'm not so lazy that i don't get them done, in which case... :-P

    anyways. figured that was worth an update on here.

    not too much going on for now, although i think it's awesome that i got hajra to listen to dire straits! yay!

    craig has suggested a make a side-thing with a bio on the people i know and hang out with. i'm gonna ask friend's permission if this is acceptable, in the meantime, feedback and lemme know what you all think about that. i know that at the moment, prolly the only people actually reading the blog at this point in time ARE craig and hajra, so if you both think that it would be a good addition, drop me a line and send me your thoughts.


    and those of you who aren't craig or hajra, and happen to read this blog as well.... um.... feel free to comment anytime as well!


    *evil grin*

  • 12.02.2003

    i got a picture of you 

    yay! the gallery is back up.


    although i'm quite pissed off right now.

    driving used to be a source of joy in my life, but thanks to the fact that everyone around here is a stone-cold dumbfuck, going one block means you chance your life that you'll get taken clean off the road by some silly twat of a soccer mom driving an suv far too large for her to reasonably handle.


  • can't get no laces for my shoes, can't get no fancy notes on my blues guitar 

    hmm. ok that was.... odd. tried to load up my blog after some people notified me that it didn't seem to be working, and blogspot said it didn't exist.


    re-published, and everything seems to be all peachy keen.

    pool night was totally sweet, yet again. we ended up staying at molloys the whole time; it was too large a group to try and up and move over to t&c's. besides, chances are likely that the one night when we have a huge grip of people, t&c's would be packed and all the tables forever busy.

    nathan pretty much pwned the table the majority of the night. even jynx who is this hardcore poolshark came up short against him. although once rivera got up, he started to clean house simply through really good luck, like when both boston and i scratched on the 8-ball.

    good times, good times.

    got to see several people i haven't seen in a while. some former co-workers, and friends of former co-workers. that was nice as well.

    and flowers are nice. and the sky is nice. and i can only seem to come up with comments that start with "and" and end with "nice."


    times like those where i can't really come up with anything elegant to say, i shouldn't really even bother continuing to type. it's like, "ok, the best you're getting out of me is something a third grader would try to pass as an essay on why they like stuff."

    i will say this tho. to salvage this post and save it from the brink of intellectual destruction, i will mention that you should seriously go and get "brothers in arms" by dire straits. incredible album. i had most recently listened to it a few times like two years ago, and i really hadn't given it any more devotion as far as my attention to music is concerned.

    but then i decided to pop it onto the iPod on sat morning while sitting in the office at work bored out of my concious frame, and ended up discovering how truly awesome the majority of the album is. there are only two songs on it that i'm not totally sold on just yet; ironically the title track because it starts off really strong and then pretty much dies as soon as mark knopfler starts singing. it would have been much better had they progressed in the direction they were indicating by the start.

    the other track i don't particularly care for is 'the man's too strong,' mostly because right after i hear the song "ride across the river" i get impatient and jump right into "one world."

    not too mention the album has the greatest song mtv ever ran as a music video. except for sledge hammer. and thriller. and.... oh pfft.

    the song is "money for nothing." that song is what rock and roll is all about. and that was the last true example of rock and roll ever.


    and i mean that.

    well, except for u2, but some would argue they are more pop.

    ok, now i'm comparing bands like some jr high fanboy. wow. you're just getting all kinds of quality material from me tonight.


    well, i think that i'm gonna go mentally mature a considerable amount before i start making even more posts that sound like the shit that kids write on *their* blogs, where they think everyone is fascinated but really, they just read to placate the child's fragile ego.

    oh wait! speaking of kids, we went to the belmont christmas tree lighting at the carlmont shopping center last night. barring the guy who didn't know how to run a sound system without making it feedback, the lights that made every choir on the risers look like they had been sunburned by a nuclear detonation, and the mayor who accidently said the real name of the guy who was playing santa over the pa (and then said, without realizing the mic was still on "oh shit, i shouldn't have said that because of the kids), it was actually endearing to a very slight degree.

    but only a little. i can't let slide my badassness.

    nnnnhhh yeah.

    i go now.

  • 12.01.2003

    you're so far away from me 

    sorry bout that.

    craig requested that i link the logo i had created for ravesf that won.


    pool tonight.

    *packs weapon for self defense*....

  • i guess you're just what i needed 

    oh snap. i just remembered this other dream i had last night.

    came in quite crystal clear while sitting here.

    the dream started off where i am checking into the lobby of this incredibly fancy and swank hotel. like, beyond five star. the lobby was done up in a huge beige motif. like, everything. the pillars, the couchs, the walls, the counters. topped off with a gold trim on everything. like the kick plates around the bottoms of the pillars were shiny gold plates, and the couchs had gold highlights and decorations.

    everything had a bit of a pinkish tint to it as well. prolly the lighting in the room.

    i checked in, and found out that suprisingly, a hundred bucks (and not a thousand) got me into one of the extremely fancy suites. the suite was actually a little house unit almost on one of the top floors. although concurrently, as dreams often will do, it also was a separate building off to the side of the hotel, like a cabanna style house unit. at any rate, the appointments were quite luxurious.

    as i sat down on the bed, i felt a wave of energy pass over me, and the next thing i knew, i was standing in a dark industrial construct. like a giant sewage system underground. there was a rather sizable heater/boiler like unit in the middle of the room, and on the end of the room i was standing at, a giant cog-wheel steel door that currently was shut but was beginning to buckle under extreme water pressure. after finding something to prop the door with, i continued to hear the muffled shouting of what looked like swat team members that were urging me to get the hell out of there. we couldn't find any exits from the room, seemingly trapped until i re-checked a corner and found an old screen door that we kicked open and followed through a tunnel for quite some distance.

    the tunnel emerged into an office at the top of a very tall building. there wasn't anybody nearby, having all been evacuated for a reason i was dutifully unaware. there had been some demolision going on in the building, evidenced by part of the floor giving way to a mass of girders and rebar. i lept down into the office on the floor below, and began searching for survivors. hearing a loud noise, i turned to look out the window.

    in time to see an aircraft pass under my spot in the building and collide with the floors below.

    then i was lead into the dream i recounted in the earlier post.

    i *still* haven't gotten dressed or cleaned out the fireplace.


  • now it's time to say goodnight, goodnight, sleep tight 

    after being in a really pissy mood last night for a bit, i finally lightened up and had some good laughs with craig online.

    a ravesf cutie also told people off in my defense. :-) she rocks.

    and she is a major cutie.

    once again i didn't even realize that it was 2am until i finally looked at a clock and realized that my sorry ass needed to get some shut eye. i really should have a big ass lighted clock sitting right on the side of my monitor. maybe that would help me realize it's bedtime more often.

    before i woke up at around ten thirty this morning, i had this incredibly odd dream.

    it started off with me sitting at a bar with nick, just knocking back a few drinks and hanging out. i decide i really need to go take some pressure off the ol' bladder, and head into the bathroom. while there, something falls on my head and knocks me cold out, during which time there is a symphony of lightning and thunder all around.

    when i awoke, i rose to my feet, checked myself in the mirror to make sure i didn't have any scars or bruises, and enter the bar to find that a very cute girl is walking into the bar at the same time. some of the guys in the bar take notice of her and watch her make her way to the bar, which she and i reach at both the same time. we sit in synch, and she orders the same drink i have sitting there.

    feeling very awkward next to this girl, i turn to glance at her just as she does the same. our eyes catch, and instantly we both have a massive sinking feeling. as i start to say something, she opens her mouth to say the same thing. we both shut our mouths, give each other the once over. look at our drinks, back at each other.

    without saying anything further, she and i move in and quickly kiss. backing away, it becomes clear to us.

    somehow, she's me, but as a girl. it takes us a few moments to break the whole syncronized speaking thing, but once we do, i come to find out that she has memories of being herself and not me for only the past few moments. being that the keys she has are for my place (since she's some duplicate kinda gone wrong), i bring her back to my apartment and she stays on the couch while i take my room. the next morning, we both rise at about the same time, and fix each other breakfast.

    for some reason i go for a bike ride, and she decides to come along. she hops onto the back part of the seat, and because we're pretty much syncronized as far as our actions and thoughts, she and i are able to maintain balance on the bike with no problem. there was a conversation, but i can't recall the majority of it and it would have been boring to anybody who isn't me, anyways. at some point, as we are walking the bike (she and i took turns pedaling and finally got tired), we look at each other, and the thought crosses our minds as to what would happen if we had sex.

    that was about when i woke up.

    damn. sex with myself? god i'm a lame-o.

    got pool night up at molloy's again, then we might possibly go to the hall where i almost got shanked by a grizzly bum. i think i may bring a steak knife just in case...

    other than that, not much else to do today. i'll prolly go clean out the fireplace in a moment since we burned several logs in it last night. i had it looking all spotlessly clean, and then the duraflame log collapsed halfway through it's cycle and left a huge mess all over the floor of the fireplace. i forget what that piece is called. perhaps just the floor or something.

    i dunno.

    damn. how would that even work? would our two genetic materials cancel each other out? man, that would be interesting to find out.

    if the genetic code in both reproductive fluids were identical, they would prolly either just die right there or manifest a grossly horrible mutation.

    i ended up scrapping some of the ideas i had for future graphic novels because frankly, they sucked donkey nvts. i have a few more ideas that are being developed that may yield much sweeter fruit. we shall have to soon see.

    at any rate, i should prolly go get dressed and take care of the fireplace.

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