so you wanted to have some space 

i'm in a lousy mood.

a pretty rotten one, actually.

despite having won the logo contest on ravesf. i dunno if i'm gonna still post on there anymore.

i just took about a three hour nap to see if the mood would improve.

it didn't.

you'll hear from me later.

  • 11.29.2003

    all you do to me is talk talk 

    you may have noticed that there is now a nice little "comments" link at the bottom of each post.



    i figured that since my photo gallery has gone offline indefinately, i might as well make good on the other promise by providing a nice and easy commenting system.

    hopfeully i actually get some comments seeing as how it took me five minutes to figure the damn style sheet out to get the look i wanted.

    while loading an old blackboard into the hotel dumpster to trash it, i sliced my left middle finger up pretty bad. or pretty good. either one works, the point being that the cut went clean from the bottom of my finger, all the way around to the just past the top of the finger, right at the end. by the fingernail. it was a deep fucking cut, too.

    no sooner do i start bitching about there being no winamp plugins for iPods, when lo and behold, craig goes and finds me one!

    he also found several other really neat looking iPod utils... i have yet to try them however.

    was gonna watch one hour photo at work today, but the note from the boss yesterday asked me to take care of a bunch of small odd jobs; cleaning up the storeroom, throwing away the old rolling white/blackboards, and replacing the bulbs in the overhead projectors.

    i'm pretty sure that taking an hour and half nap wasn't part of his original agenda, but i took the opportunity anyway to catch up on the hour of sleep i missed while experiencing the mystical twilight period just before i got out of bed this morning.

    if a big long rant thing like i did about iTunes is more to my blog-reading audience's liking (you now have the ability to confirm or deny this), then i may start working more on in-depth observations about passionate subjects, instead of bitching about how much my job sucks.

    that's all for now.


  • 11.28.2003

    her body rises taking me higher, my loves desire is pure ascension 

    i'm really starting to get sorely cheesed with iTunes.

    i mean, it's a really great concept for a program, being that it has the music store built-in which in my mind goes beyond cool, since there is now finally a legal way to accquire music without having to worry about fbi agents storming your house and smashing your computer to itty bitty pieces.

    but there are some major issues with it.

    for starters, the program is basically just a port of the mac version's code to run on windows instead of having been re-written to run native on windows.

    for those of you unfamiliar with how a macintosh works, there is this little chip called the "rom bios" that is one of the essential componenets from distinguishing a mac board from a win/tel board. it's on this chip that most of the core os components are stored so that the os itself doesn't have to be as large or run as fat in memory. on older macs it stored things like the base system icons, cursors, and other crucial os routines (such as clipboard functions) that needed to be accessed by programs on a near constant basis. it was very intelligent, because it essentially allowed you to have the crucial, frequently repeated commands connected directly to the main board instead of having to dig the code out of the heading of the os's or program's code.

    instead of having to tell a program how to use the clipboard for example, you pointed the program to the commands stored in the rom bios and viola! your program runs faster, and is much smaller in size since the redundant code isn't a part of your program. this was especially crucial in the days before hard drives, since you had to have the os loaded into memory from floppy, and then swap it out with the program disc of your choice. by having all of the essential commands already resident in the rom bios, you didn't have to load this code into your program, or into the ram memory, saving incredible space. instead of making a call function to the clipboard commands loaded into memory, the cpu would simply queery the rom bios as to what it should do to exec a clipboard function. even though hard drives and larger memory sizes pretty much eliminated this need, it still was an efficient way of running code and keeping the system from suffering too notable a performance hit.

    or at least, that's the best i can figure given the literature i had available to me at the time i was a big macintosh nut.

    unless i'm mistaken, i believe that's how the newer macintosh computers continue to function, because it would be far too inconvenient to just up and drastically change the way the computer and the os inter-relate.

    re-writing a program to run native on a different os is extremely time consuming and costly. so, obviously since commands and program structures between the macintosh os, and the windows platform are drastically different, you have to make what is called a "port' of the program in order for it to run in foreign environments. like having to learn spanish if you are going to move to spain. this isn't a perfect method because it introduces the opportunity for major code flaws.

    with ports what often happens is that the translation is at times poor at best. just as your spanish syntax and grammar would be flawed (it's not your native tongue), the program code doesn't always do what it is supposed to. well, apple coders are used to writing c++ for the macintosh, not for windows. so the code isn't going to translate directly. they have to add elements into the program to ensure limited compatibility with windows. however, the core of the program is still geared towards utilizing components of the mac os which are understandably absent from windows.

    this becomes apparent as soon as you launch iTunes. iTunes's core uses the quicktime engine to playback mp3's; it's the preferred method on the mac platform being that quicktime is tightly integrated into the os. however, quicktime has never performed admirably on windows, partly because those core essential rom bios commands that quicktime referrences are missing. so, apple wrote the commands into the quicktime application. however, because you are now emulating an os on top of another os, it's bound to perform slowly, which is basically what happens when you run quicktime on windows. it has to create a virtual macintosh engine in order to run the program correctly, and this consumes a lot more cpu cycles and blocks of memory then would be desired.

    so, in short, quicktime on windows is a big smelly piece of ass.

    now, since iTunes as well is a port of a macintosh program, not only is it using quicktime being run in a slow mac emulator, iTunes itself has to run in the mac emulator since it uses the same macintosh os commands, independantly from quicktime.

    hence, both programs slow down noticeably and performance losses are suffered. fire up photoshop on windows while running iTunes and you will see what i mean. a program like winamp which runs native in windows isn't making constant cpu requests because it simply doesn't need them. it's running native; meaning it doesn't need a virtual machine emulating a different os in order to function properly. hencforth, photoshop and winamp co-exist peacefully.

    iTunes and photoshop do no, since one is running in emulation in memory, the other is not; and both programs suffer an even further performance reduction.

    also, because macintosh computers do not typically have a right-hand mouse button (they are single buttoned mice as many a gamer have begrudingly illustrated). anytime you use a windows two button mouse when iTunes is running, iTunes freaks and skips. it wasn't anticipating that particular element in the os, and has no way to deal with it other than sacrifice it's operation in order to allow the higher priority element, the right-hand mouse button, be given the system attention it requires.

    the biggest example of how poorly iTunes runs is in the visualizer element. the fact that it lacks any sort of control or customizablity is negligible when you realize that iTunes is again using quicktime in emulatin to simulate the imagery for the visualizer (i'm not sure, but it may even use elements from quickdraw3D, apple's preferred method for displaying real-time 3d data in an os). regardless of the fact that i have a geforce 4800 ti card, the visualizer never tops above 13fps, which is unacceptable as far as a visualization tool is concerned. it really is a shame because the patterns and figures that it generates are at times quite stunning. however because of the shoddy performance limitations, the visualizer is a failure at best.

    there used to be a huge camp of mac-heads that made the claim that microsoft had intentionally sabotaged quicktime to prevent it from running good on windows. i sadly for a brief time believed this lie as well. however, once i was made aware that apple didn't actually write a new version of quicktime for windows, that they in fact simply ported it (and quite badly, i might say) and the port ran like ass, i hastily altered my outlook. since apple never really bothered to change the original port, all future ports of quicktime were merely built on top of the original port and still to this day suffers like a famine stricken leper.

    what is truly surprising about all this is that this comes from the same visionary who claimed that a startup time of 30 seconds for the original macintosh was wholly unacceptable. steve jobs has always been extremely passionate about his work to the point of being more than extremist anal, yet with the biggest PR opportunity he allows apple to dig a big hole. the best way to impress windows users into switching to the macintosh would be to demonstrate it's programs on the windows platform, and have them run as flawlessly as possible. the campaign could be structured to tell people "if you can do all this with just this one program (quicktime) on windows, imagine what you can do with all of our programs on a macintosh." but they don't instill that view upon windows users.

    instead, they half-assedly hand out poorly implimented windows versions of their programs as almost an afterthought, like "i *guess* we should probably make a windows version since the windows iPod customers are bitching about how shitty music match jukebox is." there doesn't seem to be really any sort of care put into iTunes for windows; it only highlights the corporate side of the company handling the problem with a less than stellar solution.

    unfortuately there aren't any iPod plug-ins to work with winamp. until there are, the only methods for windows iPod owners to transfer/manage their portable playlists are iTunes or music match jukebox, both of which are surpremely lackluster. if anybody out there is insanely brilliant, they would get their shit together and start working on a winamp iPod implementation post haste.

    but hell, what do i know?

  • 11.27.2003

    happiness is a warm gun 

    damnit. so i *did* have an online photo gallery at one point for less then a day.....


    the person who generously offered me the server space to have my image gallery posted on is going through a change of web hosts, so for now the pictures are offline. they may hopefully be back on soon, once he gets a new account up and going.

    got to shoot a 50 caliber rifle yesterday. *o0o0o0o0oh*

    there is this kinda cute young girl in the rifle class. too bad she's definitely a minor. oh well.

    went to tapioca express again, but this time got the passion fruit juice.

    without the tapioca balls.

    for thanksgiving we are having mom's former boss over, and then possibly either going to see a film or to the auto show up at moscone.

    wait. i think i already said that before.

    but i don't recall so i'll say it again.

    for thanksgiving we are having mom's former boss over, and then possibly either going to see a film or to the auto show up at moscone.

    wait. i think i already said that before.

    but i don't recall so i'll.... d'oh!

    i got the lava lamp in the map to animate, but unfortunately the bubbles are moving *down* instead of *up* like they should. a few more tweaks and it'll look incredibly bitching.

    there was a cute girl at tapioca express, but she happened to be sitting with some guy that i assume was her boyfriend.

    most anime is very, very strange. i'm sure that if i were japanese, and lived in japan, and down with their social order, i prolly would understand a lot more of the culture.

    hmm... i don't really have any thoughts collected. gimmie a few here...

  • 11.26.2003

    those kids were fast as lightning 

    how soon did i get pics in the gallery???

    right away!

    there's not much right now, but do check them out. they are some images of highlights from the half-life map i am making of my house. so far there is only my room being done, since i want to get as much detail in it before i move on to the rest of the house.

    anyways. more to post later....

  • 11.25.2003

    there's a camera rolling on her back 



    and you didn't think i would get an online gallery.

    tsk tsk.

    of course...... there doesn't happen to be anything *in* the online gallery at the moment. so give it some time, it shall have some pics soon.

    see ya tomorrow...

  • come on feel the noize; girls rock your boys 


    when has *this* ever been the case? where i've been too busy to post.

    um.... never.

    last night went and shot pool with nathan and some people from the ravesf boards. total fun; went to this place up in colma called molloy's that's an old old pub, been around since the 1800's.

    there was this retired cop there, jim, and he was hysterical. kept calling the bartender a fag and the two of them would squabble like an old married couple. it was great. everyone knew it was all in good fun. however, jim kept telling me i should become a doctor or an attorney. heh.

    which is funny, because i've toyed with the idea of going into law. i definitely know how to argue, and if i have all the facts i can make a pretty damn convincing case of most things.

    anyways. we shot a few games of pool, then headed over to this poolhall a mile down the road. that place was better as far as pool goes, because the table at molloy's is a piece of shit with a warped slate. the tables at t&c's (the poolhall we went to) were nice and smooth. incredible action on them; the balls would just roll forever whereas on the table at molloy's, you had to put a lot of force into any shot just to make them move.

    playing at t&c was pretty fun, although at one point this gangly bum came into the hall (we were the only group there at the time) and came over to me to ask if i would go buy him some shit at the store around the corner. at which point he drops a rather large hunting knife with serated blade, just for effect. it was about this point in time that one of the guys in our group started unscrewing his pool cue to prepare beaning the bum over the head with if any trouble started.

    knowing that i had four other guys there, i wasn't all too worried. pretty much tried to play it off and ignore the guy to see if he picked up on the message.

    after he repeated himself again, another guy in our group came over and straight told him to get the fuck out.

    no problems.

    we're all having a big pool get together up at molloy's next week, and see how many people from the board we can get to come out for it. should be lots of fun.

    i have been keeping really painful sleeping hours lately. i didn't get out of bed until eleven thirty this morning. which is taking it's toll on me now, as i sit here trying to fight the exhaustion and aching. heh. gotta suffer to have fun, i suppose.

    also, about saturday night, i started feeling intense pain in my upper left jaw. i dunno what it could be other than possibly the really random weather affecting me. it wouldn't be a cavity because i brush everyday and a cavity usually starts off with a small hint of pain before becoming full bore torture. perhaps like how some people feel a change in barometric pressure in their knee or back, i may feel it in my jaw.

    which is definitely not cool.

    got another rifle course tomorrow night, and then for thanksgiving we're having a nice quiet family dinner, followed by a trip up to the city to check out the auto show at the moscone center. should be really fun; i'm taking the camera and getting a bunch of shots.

    oh, yeah. i'm lobbying to get an online photo gallery for me to post all my images in a convenient fashion for both you and i. be looking for that fairly soon, hopefully. unfortunately i'm not the one who determines wether or not it happens; it's left up to a friend of mine with a good online gallery site.

    anyhoo. i am working on a piece about the part this weekend. it should be available in the near future as well.

    as far as that all goes, i think i'm done for the moment.

  • 11.24.2003

    wake me up before you go-go 

    shit. i keep doing that. saying that i'll post later on when in fact i never do.

    sorry folks.

    so, the party itself was incredibly awesome. i would have had photographs which would much better tell the tale of the night, but several cameras got lost (i didn't bring mine) so unfortunately there is no potographic record of my having in fact attended a rave.


    got home at four in the morning, and got about two hours of sleep before having to play at worship. luckily i'm at the skill point where i can pretty much play most of the worship songs in my sleep, even though i resembled a state of being that could be considered awake.

    afterwards, headed out to the concert in half moon bay to play, but i wasn't up until right before the intermission an hour and half into the program. left there at about four, and finally got home to pass out on my couch until about seven.

    watched some of the sunday night lineup on fox, and then began brainstorming some ideas with craig. we're trying to work on a collaborative project so what that essentially means is we have been more or less arguing for the past several hours now.

    i'm currently feeling more than exhausted and need sleep. i intend to do a much more in-depth write-up of the party, and hopefully if they ever get the cameras back, have some pictures to share as well.

    for now, toodles.

  • 11.23.2003

    you can dance if you want to 

    so, the party was a major blast. i will fill in more details at a more convenient time, as i hafta get some pants hemmed and then make it to a orchestral recital over in half moon bay.

    i got about two hours of sleep last night. but, worth feeling like shit in the morning after having a really fun time last night.

    more to be posted after i am done with the concert and recover with some hours of snooze time.

  • 11.22.2003

    take me away, i don't mind... just better promise me i'll be back in time 

    ok, i was gonna go to sleep but then i got really perturbed and felt the need to express myself before these transient nodes of thought swirled clean out of my head.

    perhaps if you have been keeping abreast of the film advertisements on television lately, you would have noticed a trailer for a new film called "timeline." this title sounds cool; it has potential. until you actually see the ad.

    now, time travel is a very unique plot device (as evidenced by every star trek series using it on an almost weekly basis like a shaky old gimp leans on his crutch) and has the potential to bring you any number of fabulous stories. perhaps aliens have landed on earth in the future and the world is wholly unrecognizable as the planet we once knew it as. or we witness the beginning of life in the primordial sludge ponds of goooo.

    in short, it gives a film writer almost limitless possibilities. which were completely ignored and pissed away by the retarded rhesus monkey who produced "timeline."

    timeline stars a bright and amazingly talented cast consisting of....... oh wait. that's right. you've never heard of most of the performers in this film because they are largely a bunch of *fucking nobodys.* always a promising beginning to film when you fail to recognize a single person in the entire cast. hmmm. actually hang on. it does have that one lame guy who's been in several episodes of just shoot me. but that's about all i can really place his face from.

    oh, and billy connolly from boondock saints. he must have owed a favor to somebody to have gotten tied to the tracks of this railway collision. but most of you have prolly never heard of boondock saints. i suggest you skip timeline altogether, and just go rent saints instead. you'll feel much more satisfied with yourself.

    timeline features *surprise!!!!* TIME TRAVEL. now, normally this would be great, but the entire concept is getting worn thin at this point since nobody has the balls to depict something truly revolutionary in a time travel film, like a penultimate paradox-in-a-paradox-in-a-paradox. not like classic films with a plutonium fueled delorean, or one helluva rockin' phone booth. no, we're just reduced to being spoon fed this steaming pile of llama shit.

    only, see the time machine in timeline is extra-special. they need some kind of a hook to make this different than say, the last time travel film which was a rather banal adapation of the great novel, time machine.

    anyways. anytime anybody steps into the time travel chamber in timeline (can we say, a rip off of quantum leap, anyone?), and you engage the mystical 486 of doom that hurtles your soul back eons before you were even a potential in the gene pool, the time machine has this incredible talent of *exploding* as soon as the process is complete. which is extremely inconvenient, because then the next person has to wait until the replacement parts are shipped in from tokyo, and with ups overnight air costing a bloody fortune, you're not likely to be joining your pal in history anytime soon.

    but don't worry, it's a time machine! :-) you could leave two months after the previous traveler and arrive concurrently at the same point in time with your buddy. pretty damn neat, huh? but no, script writers aren't capable of thinking in a fourth-dimensional fashion, so the second time traveler appears two months after the first does in the past, and time runs out in the future at conveniently (for the writers, anyway) the same time that it runs out in the past, despite this being completely in-fucking-possible.

    our protagonists are sadly the bad guys in this film, because we don't really give a shit about a bunch of street punks picked from the midst of their bling-bling hopscotch circle jerks that have been tossed indiscriminately across the sands of time. why? because does the world really need an extra set of fast and furious whanna-bes crowding up our streets and avenues with their rice rockets? i didn't think so either.

    "we have 650 years of knowledge over these guys, we should be able to kick their ass" is actually uttered at some point in the film. right. i'm sure that you're j.crew will impress the shit out of the black knight just before he reduces you to a limbless stump. very fucking keen. i mean, come on.

    let's be honest. we've all seen star trek four (the voyage home). we all witnessed how pathetic all of the crew's attempts to blend into 1986 were. although, one can admit, it is quite the amusement (even to this day) to watch the cop stare blindly through chekov while being probed as to where the "nuclear vessles in alameda" are.

    can timeline possibly get any better??? of course it can! it was based on something written by micheal crighton, the brilliant man who brought us the ultimate thriller, jurassic park. however, he was only responsible for the book that inspired the movie, and even though it was a best seller, sadly the majority of people out there truly believe that lex was the older grandchild, that john hammond gets to leave the island, and that unix can run on top of the dos shell on macintosh computers.

    however, crighton has seemed to have lost his edge since this new film is basically just a rip-off of perhaps the greatest midieval time travel flick of all time, which of course was army of darkness. what more could you want? bruce campbell, an army of the undead, and some of the last ray harry hausen type stop-action animation ever produced. not too mention, we've all been guilty of at one 'time' or another, looking in vain to find the one s-mart that stocks fully loaded auto-shotguns in the housewares section.

    what can possibly be so damned interesting about having these thug losers get sent back in time to a castle? we're told that one of the guy's father was 'lost' in time, which is kind of a misnomer because usually time machines have some sort of "memory" system that keeps track of where each time traveler is going to. but, alas! i forgot! our time machine here is *different.* it doesn't keep track of what year a person is sent to, being that it's infinitely more humorous for some shmuck to land back in the age of the dinosaurs and have no way of being retrieved.

    so, his father is 'lost' back in time. let's face it. regardless of there being literally hundreds of castles in the whole of europe, which one is the one that dear old dad gets zapped into, but king arthur and chamelot. shit. i didn't see *that* one coming. fuck, and i was really hoping to see henry the red try to figure out what nikes are.

    even though king arthur's name doesn't actually appear in the imdb cast list, please. we all know who the king is *supposed* to be. the least they could do to enhance the film would be to have our time traveler's break into a rousing version of "knights of the roundtable" from monty python fame. too bad copyright laws are a bitch to bypass...

    so, i was right. the lead actor in this was some dopefuck from fast and furious. i knew it all along. didn't i mention the rice rockets??? we gonna split hairs here? am i wrong? am i wrong?

    shut the fuck up donny.

    all in all, i haven't seen any large floaters by the name of timeline, nor do i care to since i typically enjoy not having my brain be intellectually raped by regurgitated refuse. watch some other great time travel film instead and wonder if perhaps someday, a hollywood writer from the future will come back to our time to save us all.

  • to the lord let praises be, it's time for dinner now let's go eat 

    after that dinner, i could die a happy, happy man.

    for those of you who have never been to a kincaids, i strongly suggest you make an effort to visit and enjoy their fine selection of fish and steak dinners. go do it.


    i had my usual; filet mignon medium with garlic mashed potatos, asparagus, and their wonderful garlic bread. tried the butter nut squash soup and it was really good, but i just couldn't get used to the flavor so it wierded me out a bit.

    also, they don't have their sorbet sampler right now (bummer!) :-( but they did have fresh raspberry sorbet, so i enjoyed that instead. stuff was really cold though; had to order a mug of hot water to sip after every few bites of sorbet to keep my throat from freezing.

    a member of our party ordered the seasonal fruit cobbler and wasn't able to finish all of it, so my brother and i canibalized that until it was no longer existant. i need to figure out just what they do to make their crust; it isn't too dry and flaky or too wet and mushy; it's got a beautiful consistency and has what tastes like cinammon in it. very extravagant.

    a splended time was guaranteed for all.

    as you can see by the image in the last post, i have been working on making a half-life map of my current bedroom. i've since added a shitload more detail, with even more to still come. eventually it should look close enough to my real room that i will give you comparison images consisting of photos of both my actual room and the digital representation.

    saturday night i am going to a party over in the east bay that a bunch of people on ravesf will be at. i have been saying i would get to one of these shindigs someday, since i usually only see everyone when there is a party at somebody's house, but this will be a larger event and should be pretty cool. nathan and myself will be heading over in carpool fashion to cut down on parking. princesa says she will be wearing quite the outfit....

    i'm starting to get into a much better mood, and have been feeling some increased inspiration, so be looking forward to a period of increased creative works from me. as usual, they will eventually make their way onto this page for you to recognize my skillz.

    my jaw hurts from chewing so much good food, that i'm gonna go lay down and sleep quite merily.

    well, not as much as if you were here beside me.

  • 11.21.2003

    there's always something cookin' at old joe's place 

    yay! we're on our way to dinner.

    i was gonna post more today, but decided to wait until i had a decent compile of my latest project.


    obviously it's far from complete but already beginning to look quite badass.

    anyhow, i shal report on how extremely wonderful dinner was after i get back.


  • 11.20.2003

    too long ago too far apart, she couldn't wait another day for 

    well so i'm still alive, and so are everyone else that happened to be at the range last night. at least, that i know of.

    depressing reality says that this is entirely too true, and that i'm doomed to never get a chick. bah! oh well. i guess lonliness is alright.

    after learning how to shoot, and experiencing several rifles (i like red dot sights the best, with a hing action rifle).

    yay! i may win the logo contest on ravesf!! i hope i hope i hope....

    after we went shooting, bro took us to this wierd place called tapioca express that serves these really.... odd combinations of drinks. they are these milk teas that have tapioca pudding frozen in little bubbles throughout the drink. it seems to be a mostly asian trend, since everybody in the place was of different asian persuasions. the tapioca balls were really, um... awkward. they felt really slimey and tasted about as good as regular tapioca pudding.

    i wasn't too impressed with the milk tea, but they have a passion fruit juice that smelled pretty good.

    bro got that, and i sampled a bit of it. i'll get that next time.

    but, without the tapioca balls.

    i need to work on some material to post that is good. lemme go see what i can come up with.

    there might possibly be something in my non-blog archives....

  • 11.19.2003

    cuz when the feelings right i'm gonna run all night 

    well, here i am like promised. although, i've been fairly busy today. this being despite the fact that i got out of bed at about 10 or so.

    the shelves for the model cars have remained fixed to the wall without anything falling or shattering, so this could be a good sign. it's been about twenty-four hours since they went up on the wall, so hopefully they will remain there.

    ikea is always a wonderful treat to go check out. there's just something about a faux kitchen or bedroom simulation in a giant twisting maze of a store that fascinates me beyond all comprehension. i'm wierd like that.

    had lunch there, which was actually amazingly good. get the manager's special if you go; it's swedish meatballs with small potatos, soup, and lingenberry sauce. i topped it off with the cinammon roll that i was desperately aching to have. worth the wait, of course.

    got the lamp, but found out that it is made to wire direct into a power tap box in the wall, and doesn't have an actual plug or a switch. the solution is we are gonna home-craft a power cable with rocker switch and mount it into the wall. the cord sadly will just have to dangle down to the outlet near the floor. i would rather avoid this, but since this isn't our home being that it's a rental, i lack the resources and permission to remove a section of wall and run a power drop up to the spot in the wall where it will eventually sit.

    the wiring in this neighborhood must be in pretty bad condition, seeing as how we had several brown outs today. my poor baby doesn't like it when she's shut off abruptly, and hence expressed her dissatisfaction with such treatment by punishing my ears with a rather irritating chorus of frozen ball bearings.

    i really, really, really am gonna replace the power supply and fan this week. just need to figure out when i can do it, since i'm semi-busy the next few days.

    heading off to rifle class in an hour or so. tonight we get to fire some rifles as well as learning about them. pray that i don't kill myself or anybody else...

    i am incredibly excited that we are going to kincaid's on friday evening. it's only quite possibly the best place i have eaten so far. the filet mignon is quite incredible. not too mention the desert platter which contains amongst other items, a sorbet sampler that puts any of the fruit sorbets i have ever made to ridiculously embarrassing shame.

    so there are a few projects in the works concurrently from me at the moment. being that i work better this way (multiple focus, i.e. multi-tasking), it means that there is a slight delay on when each of them will be readily available for the relatively small numbers of my blog audience to indulge in, but worry not. the day shall soon be upon us where you will delight in all the wonders that i have managed to beat out of inspiration.

    consider it in terms of these; the longer it takes me, the better it will be.

    actually, that's a horrible lie, but we can pretend it isn't, right?

    i thought so.

    that's because you rock.

    i need to figure out in the meantime a decent method of allowing people to comment on my entry's (not like there's usually much to comment on anyways), and i tried enotation, but it doesn't seem to work or i'm just really dumb and can't figure it out. either way, i need something else and i haven't bothered to google it just yet. if anybody knows of a solution that doesn't involve me spending hours on the net searching and then trying my damndest to figure out, by all means, share them with me. you know where the e-mail link is.

    or do you????

    because i've moved it a few times now. i like to keep you, the reader on your digital toes. it's a fun, twisted little game that gets me off in ways you will never know. either way, just don't forget to re-format the e-mail address that you are sending your comments to. my intentionally mis-spelling my e-mail address is the only way in which to keep the bastards who collect cd's of e-mails and selling them on the God-forsaken seedy alleyways in the phillipines from finding me out. cuz if they found me......

    but then again, you're a smart reader and already knew that.

    or you could just im me. i'm pratically *always* on the web unless i'm hanging out with family, sleeping, or ocassionally, at work. try it sometime. i'd like to meet you; people have said good things about you. but you're gonna hafta explain some of the nicknames they have for you.... i mean, really. people gotta do some fubar'd shit to get some of the names i've been told.


    well, that about raps it up for me for the moment. you don't hafta go home but you can't stay here.

    until next time......

  • sunshine da ya a time wit de bus rider 

    i'm thinking i may want to make an actual website, but there are two issues facing me.

    one, i have no audience seeing as how there are prolly only three or four people at most who read my blog, and second is i have no idea what the site would be about.

    but i do know i want it all stylish and sleek and looking like all the other gen exer's pages out there that i have found.

    i can be creative too, damnit!

    i'm actually working on a few ideas i have for more graphic novels, but so far nothing really has seemed to spark my interest.

    i have however begun making a half-life level out of the current house i live in. so far, it's coming along rather nicely except the ceiling keeps getting divided in a rather funky way and it makes the room end up looking like shit.

    hafta play around with worldcraft to get it to work properly.

    got the other shelf up for my room, and so my die-cast model cars are now prominently on display. i feel rather excited because i have not had a dedicated space for the cars before, and now they are all special and got a place of their own. i could have done that far sooner than i actually did, but meh.

    to cap off my max payne obsession, i am getting this mini spot lamp from ikea tomorrow that can take a pre-cut gobo and beam the pattern onto a wall, and i'm gonna custom order a max payne silouhette gobo from this place that our office gets gobos cut from. if they won't cut it (copy-right and all), then i will end up just having a gobo cut of my signature and shine that on the wall instead. either way, should be kinda cool.

    also i am dying to get one of their cinnamon rolls. everytime we go there, they smell sinfully delectable which means i simply must try.

    i was remembering an hour ago when we had the ocean storms down in redondo the last year we lived there. since all the bedrooms were upstairs, and the roofs was slanted, anytime a storm blew in from the pacific we bore the majority of it at our place. that was totally awesome tho. the sound of intensely driving rain beating down upon the shingles up above, the wind howling and cracking tree branches across the walls like whips. look out at the ocean and feel like you're on a fishing trawler out in the middle of nowhere, heading into a massive front and feeling the waves break up over the bow rail and onto the deck.

    like the one and only time we went to catalina island in the five years we lived in so cal. heading out to the island was a beautiful trip; perfect temperature and wonderful sunshine. the day we spent on the island was a lot of fun. took the bus tour around, checked out the old community center/dance hall, and all the ideal touristy stuff. as i recall, we also ate at this pretty decent little restaurant up above a gift shop. when i say little, i mean that generously... there was hardly room for the waiters to get through the tables to serve the guests. but still nonetheless really cool.

    but on the trip back to long beach, this fury came from out of nowhere as we were boarding the boat, and the whole ride back was head long into huge swells that did crest over the boat with an undulating frequency. i almost got sick on the trip back, but i managed to stay it off by going outside onto the bow, and enjoying the ride out there. it was also so that inc ase i honked, it would be out into the ocean and not inside the boat for some poor shmuck second mate to clean up after we docked at port.

    i'm gonna sleep now. i do intend to post a bit more today; i got kinda involved in side projects yesterday and ended up not finishing the post that i had started.

    however, that will not be the case now.

    or ever.

    until next week.

  • 11.18.2003

    i don't need to fight to prove i'm right 

    you ever laughed so much, and been happy that it hurt your mouth from smiling all the time?

    that's where i'm at right now. hung out with nathan, nate, spam and their other friend (damn, i forget the guy's name) at molloy's, this cool pub up in south sf. had some guinness, played some pool, watched spam dance (man is that a nice sight) and mostly just had a good time being entertained by all the other drunk people.

    there was this one dude in particular who was off the wall; really unpredictable like a pamplonian bull which made it quite funny to watch. a few times he almost got completely out of hand, but nonetheless it was a great time. watching a guy play air guitar on a pool cue and then dry humping the pool table is pretty damn amusing.

    there are only so many times during the year where i laugh as much as i did tonight. i really need to hang out with drunks more and laugh at all the dumb shit they do.

    obviously, i am easily amused.

    that's why this shit is so damn funny. the hilarity isn't even chartable.... you can't begin to make a formulae to find out why those videos work as well as they do. the reggae, computer, and nosebleed ones are the bestest, followed closely by the kidsfry one. watch all of them regardless, but save those three for last. in fact, watch the reggae one last, since it's the best of them all.

    gotta run my jacket through the wash since it now reeks of cigarette smoke.

    also gonna go ptfo since it's now almost 3am.

    more posting to be done later on in the day.

  • 11.17.2003

    ch-ch-ch-ch-changes turn and face the change 

    i don't think i have to specifically identify the alterations i have made to the site.


  • you're fooling yourself and you don't believe it 

    random conversation overheard by a yuppie mom to her disgusting child at taco bell today:

    "tie your laces or i'm throwing those shoes away."

    *nudges child*

    "i'm serious. that's not good for your ankles."

    work yesterday went by fairly alright. the assistant boss was there to help with the big strike, so that didn't take nearly as long as it would have had i been there solo.

    the important thing was that there was like a high school homecoming/sporting event thingy going on. literally, hundreds of insatiably hot young high school age girls running around in volleyball skirts. damn.

    there were also a shitload of dumb-fuck jocks all over the place. i mostly ignored them.

    gonna go play pool tonight with some peeps from ravesf. should be a lot of fun, i'm sure you'll get to hear about it at some point in time.

    didn't do a whole lot today. went to get paper at best buy and then lunch. now mostly just sitting on my ass, coming up with ideas for the thesis i shall be presenting online here in a short time. possibly in a day or so, depending on whether i can get the flashy graphics all done quickly. actually, i can, really it's just a matter of deciding to expadite the process. and the answer is....

    i'm kinda in a daze right now. i woke up at eight, fell back asleep and woke up at ten, when i got out of bed. i really should have gotten up at eight instead. the two extra hours of sleep only produced a massive headache and a lightheadedness that has lasted most of today. hopefully this all subsides before i go play pool, otherwise i will suck more than i usually do.

    although, whenever i play pool, i actually manage to play fairly well right up to the 8-ball, where i have a habit of loosing all ability, and spending the next twenty minutes trying to get the damn 8-ball sunk. you would think that my opponent would have a massive opportunity to win at this point, but i seem to bring about a curse on the table that prevents anybody from breaking the stalemate. go figure.

    damnit. i always have really cool things to say in my blog when i'm *not* sitting here at the computer. lemme go off soomewhere and see if i can come up with something better than what is here.

  • 11.16.2003

    but through my eyes the light of you is all I see 

    after my hour and half nap at work, and just before i started watching the recruit, i had an idea of something i'd like to share with you.

    obviously, since i need to leave for work in about fifteen minutes, i don't have near enough time to express this concept. expect at some later point in time a nice, lengthy description which may possibly even include colorful images for your eyes to feast upon. it should be a veritable visually orgasmic experience.

    oooh. i hope you're getting excited now.

    in the tradition of the great naval sea-farers, if i were anybody currently holding a ticket for the maiden voyage of the queen mary 2, i would hastly return my ticket and demand a full refund. bad omens before a ship has even set sail to sea generally are regarded by most involved in the industry of ships as a hex, and i would certainly say that the death of twelve people on a collapsing gangway after her sea trials is a most ominous sign.

    ooh look! you can pretend you are a chernobyl plant operator and see if you can solve a potential meltdown issue. just don't fall asleep or allow your morals to become corrupted and radiate all the denizens in the digital realm.

    you know. the java people.

    *looks around nervously*

    i haven't had much opportunity to be online lately. bummer. i've seen craig on aim several times and have failed to had chances to converse with him.

    i need to correct this issue.

    did a fair amount of re-organizing the garage yesterday after coming home from work. that was good. my car now has ample room to sit and bask in all the glory of the eight tons of crap i own. although, while going through my old file cabinet, i found among other treasures, the script for my star trek spoof, star wreck. reading it, i realized just how funny some of the shit that was written way back in jr high was, and also how utterly incomprehensible the majority of the outline is being that it doesn't follow any particular order.

    would be interesting to go back and re-write it so that it makes more sense, and actually do something with it like film it and suffer numerous intellectual property and copyright violation class-action lawsuits.

    not much else to say at the moment, i suppose.



  • 11.15.2003

    darling won't you ease my worried mind? 

    i am seriously considering buying a new power supply.

    after the power in our house was conveniently interrupted during the overnight storm, my computer remained in an "off" state until i turned it back on later in the morning, at which point the ball bearings again had settled inside the fan enough that once again, my room sounded like a fucking b52 was clearing for take-off.

    got another shelf at ikea to accompany the one that i had previously purchased, and wouldn't you know but we actually did install one of the things into my room today. i can't put anything onto it yet since we have to place it's twin on the other wall adjacent to it, but it is currently sitting there looking rather nice in my room.

    pray that she doesn't fall off the wall or the supports come loose and wake me up from a peaceful slumber with the sound of a wooden shelf crashing onto a hardwood floor.

    i forgot what it looks like to have my room vacuumed. seeing as how there was fine amounts of dry-wall dust now giving my carpet a new luster, i drug out the vacuum cleaner and ran it over my floor. it feels like it's a whole new different room. how pathetic am i?

    honestly, i'm usually not that terrible at upkeeping my room.

    this weekend will likely blow. i work from 7a until 4p on sat, which is basically the entire fucking day, and then i'm back in again on sunday at 2:3p despite the fact that i keep explaining to them that i have prior, religious obligations. seeing as how i was reminded today that dad knows some very powerful attorneys, i may just have to investigate matters further....

    so, nyah. i should prolly go pass the fuck out (ptfo) for now seeing as how i will be spending the entire day at work. it's not really all that busy, either. it'll be mostly babysitting the groups there, so i'll likely bring a selection of dvds to watch to help pass the time. maybe the recruit, since that seems to work all the time, and possibly the city of lost children.

    or maybe, just maybe, the limey. haven't watched that in a long while.

    at any rate, snore.

  • 11.13.2003

    but i shoulda been gone long ago, far away 

    you would think that i would learn by now, but no. everytime i get wendy's for dinner, i always power munch so fast through the meal that i end up getting horrible stomach gas. i don't really give myself enough time to allow whatever gas i do happen to have escape as i eat, so by the time i've finished off the plate, i get these massive abdominal pains, shortness of breath, and have to lay down for a while.

    jezuz. i sound like a fat guy.

    ever since about the time i installed the geforce4 into this computer, it had yet to make that really annoying grinding sound with the cooling fans; today it began doing it early in the morning, way earlier than i should be waking up in theory. what bothers me is it's so intermittent that it's really difficult to pin down just what exactly is causing it (as such, the fans are now quiet again).

    it can't be a temperature issue, because we've had massive temp swings in the time since it last happened, yet it was never triggered. it doesn't seem to be a stress issue of the system, because most of the time it happens the comp is either dead idle, or only running winamp. in the case of this morning, it only happened for about forty-five minutes, so it doesn't seem to be a major seizure of the ball bearings, since it managed to right itself after a short while (not quick enough, tho).

    ah well. i've really exhausted all interesting thoughts on that.

    first night of rifle class was quite awesome. the instructor passed around several different variations of .22LR rifles, and we got to inspect all of them to see how they work, what the individual parts to them are, etc. since the firing range is right behind the classroom, we kept hearing shots every now and then of varying degrees. you get used to the sound of loud shots going off, until about the time one of the guys who runs the range brought out his 50 cal and shot about ten rounds. *drools*

    that sounded like a fucking canon going off. which, is essentially what a 50 cal is if you think about it.

    mollie stones has some really great stuff for lunch, but make sure to win the lottery first or inherit a fortune before you go. you'll spend like twenty bucks on only a few items real quick.

    i finally broke down and shut off my comp yesterday, to install the firewire card i bought last friday. i'm pretty bad about installing new hardware in a computer, usually due to both laziness and fear of fucking up something in the case and breaking my beautiful baby. this fear traces back to about four years ago, about the time i had acheived a zen-like status when it came to installing computer parts, got too complacent, and made a critical mistake while installing a second hard drive into the computer i had at the time. needless to say, there was a screwdriver involved, static discharge, memory, bios, and yeah. so i now live in constant fear that everything in my room is exuding far too much static electricity to be healthy for my computers, or nervously fretting over wether or not i accidently touched a component the wrong way (wow does that sound totally wrong). if i could, i would lock all my systems into hermetically sealed static-free boxes, but i don't happen to posses the immense amounts of money this would require.

    i embellished that far more than i actually needed to.

    i do that a lot.

    with the new firewire card in my desktop, i actually overcame the laziness hurdle and transferred the remaining ten albums that i had sitting on my hd over to the iPod. originally, the only connection i had to load songs onto it was through the laptop, and since all my affairs are conducted on this here desktop machine, it's a major pain in the ass to copy a bunch of shit over to a laptop and then copy them onto an iPod. much nicer to remove a few steps in the process if possible. again this is mostly a laziness complaint. although, it's a bit more involved, because a bunch of the albums didn't have any ID3 tags on them, which if you aren't familiar with, are pretty much required by an iPod to distinguish an MP3 from any other old bullshit file. with iTunes however, it is incredibly easy to rectify this issue, seeing as how you can edit any ID3 tag info you wish right *in* the player window without having to open up a separate properties window for each and every file. which, when you start talking about ten albums with an average of twelve songs each, gets to be a big fucking amount of files that you have to do this for.

    finally. apple has made my life much, much easier.

    and you prolly didn't care to read about any of that.

    i have a day or so of editing the ID3 tags for the 80's collection ahead of me before i can transfer it into the iPod. since the bulk of my collection came from *censored,* a lot of the files don't have any info tags, and some of them are even incomplete. which leads me to question several things; why in the world would people host an incomplete song file? that's essentially pointless. it's like going through foreplay, getting all hot and bothered, shagging away at a hottie, and then going to sleep before reaching coitus. dumb. dumb i say!

    that, or encoders that cut off the ends of songs, cuz the dumbass who was encoding them didn't realize that because he had a crossfader plug-in on his mp3 ripping application, it fucked up how all the song endings were written.

    ok, the end of the world is near. craig just signed off to go purchase a bible......

    there aren't a whole lot of songs in my 80's collection that are incomplete, but enough that it will nessecitate me going through and shuttling to the end of every song in the collection to see if it ends properly or not. oh. and songs that skip ad nasuem. people who ripped songs on systems that were older than hydrogen and shouldn't have been attempting that in the first place.

    i've been feeling guilty lately, because i've been pretty lousy at the whole blog updates thing. some days, i post like four sentences and that's it, and then five days later i post about the same length and it's a great length of time before you get any entry's that are of significant length. so, even though most of the large posts lately have been just bullshit filler, i am concerned about your blog reading well-being. just so you know. there is someone who cares.

    even though the majority of the thoughts and ideas i have had for blog posts usually evaporate by the time i reach a convenient terminal to update from.

    see, like this morning, i had this great zinger to slam paris hilton, but i can't even remember it now. though i can remember it was gonna be insanely brilliant.

    and what ended up appearing in it's place sucked balls.

    something that apparently, paris hilton does in excess as well.

    yay! i got my cheap shot in!

    i've been working on some logos for the ravesf message boards, and i think i've reached a few iterations that i'm pretty happy with. i gotta send them off to rivera today for his review and see what he thinks. hopefully i'm the one who gets picked for producing the logo. that would be quite awesome. if i get picked, i will definitely post the winning design on here for all four of my blog readers to enjoy.

    sadly tho, it looks like nothing inspiring in the form of writting is coming to me at the moment, so i'll go and regroup my thoughts until i have some a-list material.

    ciao, baby.

  • 11.11.2003

    falling down a mountain, and kissing dirt 

    it would seem like quite a few people are suffering from moments of doubt in their life. either there is something wierd like the solar flares going on, or i just happen to have enough friends online that are all roughly the same age and reaching the same depressing conclusions about their lives.


    last night was really strange. i managed to stay awake until about half past midnight, having been up since five in the morning after getting only three and a half hours of sleep prior, and i moved over to my couch in the middle of a conversation with craig online. next thing i know, it's now one thirty and everyone is all signed off at this point. ok. so i go over and close aim down for the night, and then sit back down on the couch. next time i wake up, it's three thirty and i'm having really bad gas. everything in my room is still on at this point; the monitor, the lava lamp, all of my lights. with great difficulty resulting from the gas, i managed to get everything shut off in my room, change to sleep, and fold the covers over in a decent enough manner to sleep.

    sleep was not what i got.

    well, i did end up managing about four or five hours, despite not getting out of bed until ten this morning. for some reason, partly the gas, i kept waking up every half hour or so since my body quickly adapts to any patterns i manage to fall into. having woken up several times prior in similiar fashion, my internal clock caught on and began disrupting my sleep at the most inconvenient of times.

    mom's b-day is today (wish her a happy birthday!) but we celebrated it last night since a friend of her's was in from down south. it was fun, gave mom her present; a new gameboy advance sp since she fell in love with the thing when she saw someone playing it and tried it out. so now she's all kinds of happy, yay! it's good when moms are happy.

    however, i missed going to pool night, like i promised some of the people i know. they got a little cheesed and didn't really accept the fact that i had other obligations, per nathan's explaining to them. it's quite alright tho. next mon night, i shall go and represent my l337 pool playing skillz. then we'll see who talks some mad shit.

    heh. bullshit. what am i talking about? i'll rule the table until the fucking eight ball, and then choke and not be able to sink it for half an hour. that *always* seems to happen. i'll have this rockin' game and then just get STOPPED and then it drags on and on until at some point, everyone who was interested has either died or left.

    blech. ya know the taste that's in your mouth after waking up in the morning? i really, really hate that taste.

    too bad i'm too lazy to get up and go over to the bathroom to brush my teeth and remove the flavor.

    yay. strongbad *finally* updated. i was beginning to think that they were shutting that feature down or they just didn't give a shit anymore. i wonder if the site still gets as many hits anymore. it seems like most popular things on the net only hold attention spans for a few months and then they become relegated to some obscure digital corner of the cyberworld, forgotten and eventually overwritten. like mr wong. anybody remember that cartoon? that shit was the best, until icebox.com decided to be cheap assholes and charge money to watch all of their cartoons.

    the assistant boss gets back today from his time off. this should be interesting.

    i haven't had too many days off lately where i wasn't completely exhausted or had a million things to do. tomorrow will be one of the first days off where i don't have too much of a full adgenda. only thing i got really going on is tomorrow evening when we have our first rifle training course. that should be fun. other than that, i will prolly take some time to work on the fifty million projects i've been meaning to dedicate some time to in the last several weeks, like installing the new firewire card i got for this computer last friday but is still sitting in the box. even though the new computer i will eventually be building already has built-in firewire on the mobo, that will be quite a while; firewire cards are cheap; and i want to download my 80's music collection to the iPod and don't really care to wait ten minutes for all four gigs of music to copy over to my laptop which currently is the only firewire access i have at the moment.

    i need to fix myself some lunch, and check on my laundry, so i'll be posting again relatively soon. like, tomorrow hopefully.


  • 11.10.2003

    got a black magic woman 

    well, this morning was interesting.

    for starters, my alarm clock decided to *turn off* instead of retreat into 'snooze' mode like i have become so acusctomed to in the mornings now. i figured out that now that i have an alarm that actually features a snooze button, that i would learn to make full use of it and indeed i have. since the snooze button is the same as the 'light' button, it is very easy to tell exactly what time it is when you say to the alarm to go piss off.

    well, so it shut off, effectively making me about five minutes late to the start of my day. i went into the kitchen (freezing as it is at 5am), and proceeded to pour my usual cereal in near darkness. when i finally did snap on the light, i was immensly grateful that i had; both in the bowl and in the clear tupperwear container, my breakfast had been conquered by a massive swarm of ants. throwing the entire contents of the bowl and box away, i silently accepted the fact that i would have to work sans breakfast today.

    at least we had orange juice.

    at some point after i fell asleep last night, the family somehow discovered that the garage door was no longer working. this could be a bad thing, since my car happens to be parked in the garage due to the plastic window on the top of my car unable to zip close, thus leaving my car exposed to the continually worsening elements. luckily, the garage door only weighs about twenty-five pounds, or at least it feels that way with the wheels assisting, so i was more than able to manage opening the door and getting my car out.

    from then on, my day went fairly well.

    so, about the mighty wind show. damn that was awesome. i won't soon forget that experience. despite us being seated in the upper dregs of the nosebleed section, it was still quite awesome to just be in the general presence of such overwhelmingly incredible talent. and i still want to shag parker posey.

    i have a whole bunch of stuff to talk about, but, um.... i can't remember a large portion of it.

    suffice it to say that i haven't gotten my usual second wind from dinner tonight. i'm pretty much gonna hafta pass out soon, after futurama of course.

    geh. i'll be posting at some point, in great length i assure you.

    hey, tonight's post was significantly longer than the last few posts.


  • 11.09.2003

    it's blowing out a message to every woman, child and man 

    ok i lied.

    about blogging later on today, i mean.

    i have several things to share, but won't get to do so until after the show tonight. depending on how late we get back, i may not have a chance until sometime on monday.

    i gots me some good commentary brewing, i just needs some time to collect all me thoughts together.

    and Lord knows, that may in fact just take forever....

  • and the wheels on the bus go round and round 

    i'm tired; it's late.

    few things of note.

    saw revolutions last night. majorly badass. i was not disappointed at all. quite pleased.

    we are in fact going to go see the mighty wind troup up at the warfield tonight after all. yay! which means, if i am to get any sleep before monday morn, when i have one last brutal 6am shift, i need to go.


    i will blog later in the day.

  • 11.06.2003

    raindrops keep fallin on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red 

    as i was driving home from work today, fighting the urge to collapse onto the steering wheel in hopeless exhaustion, the notion crossed my mind that perhaps my last few posts have been really depressing and just downright pitiful.

    in fact, it's more than a notion. it's fact at this point.

    however, i choose not to delete them, as they are relevant to my current state of being and are reflections from the particular moment they were made. and if nothing else, they serve as ample filler to make it look like i actually do have anything at all to say.

    plus several people have relayed to me that my depression has in turn been getting them down, and since this news really does tear me up inside as i am not one to revel in causing emotional pain (or any for that matter), i shall endeavor to change my ways.

    welcome to the newer, lesser depressing blog! it'll still have roughly the same content, but i'll have a nice big smile on my face as i type. see? i can think positively! ;-)

    this morning at work actually was fairly alright, save for the fact that i felt massively hungover; this is regardless of the fact that i haven't been drunk in about two years. after i lost all concept of time at one point from the nausea and four or so hours had passed, i began to realize that perhaps while some people are able to drink and drink and yet still wake up the next day feeling great, their hangover in all actuality is transferred to someone else. like being the host of a virus; you never have a good time and always get stuck with the mess. i actually coped with the soreness pretty well. i was able to function even though the sinus headache really was tearing up the inside of my face. at least it drew attention anway from the arthritis in my fingers....

    besides, i wasn't in nearly as bad a shape as the night guy, who was alright dead tired from currently having the flu.

    see now, i'm not gonna be pessimistic here, but this is indeed one of the aspects of this job that truly blows; there is almost nobody who can replace you for a shift. if you are sick, you pretty much have to suck in your gut and come into work anyways, because otherwise none of the work gets done. unlike a regular office or some reasonably decent job where the deadlines for work aren't nearly as crucial, the a/v world pretty much thrives on an hour to hour basis. if the night guy can't come in, like, seriously if he's so violently ill that movement might precipitate death, there are two things that happen. either the guy who is off that day (there are four people working in our office, myself included) has to come by and fill in for the missing tech, or whoever was the opening guy is required to stay until the end of the day. by end of the day, i really mean this could be conceivably anytime between 10PM and 2AM, give or take the magnitude of business on the particular day. since it is constantly fluctuating, only your start time is really a guarantee. it's basically anybody's best guess as to when you can actually leave.

    in addition to all this, the majority of the actual work isn't anything at all as comfy as that of a regular office; it's backbreaking labor that wears a person out fairly quickly. a typical room set will consist of equipment weighing in collectively between one hundred pounds to more than five hundred. true, you do have carts that carry the equipment, but at some point, you have to *remove* this equipment from the cart and place it throughout the room, oftentimes more than once depending on how moody or fussy the client happens to be. also note, the hotel is almost quarter of a mile in length (it's right next to the freeway, so i reset the trip-odometer in my car one time at the start of one end of the building to see how long it was to the other) and you generally traverse the hotel an average of seventy-five times on any given day. why, by the third hour of work today, i had managed to travel back and forth from one end of the hotel to the other over twenty times for vartious things. this mileage adds up pretty quickly.

    this is the point in the blog where we have a "hands-on" experiment time: go to a gym and bench 100 pounds for two hours, and then walk roughly nineteen miles. you have basically just experienced what a moderately fair day of work is for me.

    you would think that with all this hard work, i would be ripped like a God at this point, but no. i've managed to preserve my fragile lanky and muscle-less frame, despite having almost thrown my back out several times from having to deal with particular instruments of equipment at work that were beyond my physical abilities. and no, they do not provide back braces.

    at any rate, getting back to the original comment about having to fill in for a sick person, it is entirely conceivable that at some point, you will undoubtedly work a 22 hour day, as many of the more experienced members of the a/v community will only be too happy to retell in annecdote-like fashion. this fact is quite lame.

    so lame in fact, that i've begun to desperately step up my efforts to search for a different job, but a quandary (not a depressing one!) presents itself; even though the economy seems to be making an in-roads to recovery and jobs are beginning to fill up, i am kind-hearteded enough of a person (can you believe i just said that??) that i am willing to accept and appreciate that someone else who has been out of work for the last year or two infintely deserves immediate employment much more so than myself. it's that damn compassion thing; i can't become self-centered enough despite numerous attempts. so, i really should just be grateful that i have a job at all at this point.

    i was beat as a pennitentiary inmate by the time i finally did stagger home. ended up taking a nap almost immediately preceeding entry to my room, although the hour and half did little good to resolve my situation. it was one of those naps that did more harm than good, as i woke up feeling even more physically drained until i ate a magnificent dinner prepared by mom that seems to have given me a second wind. i'm more a night owl anyways; i don't usually even feel alive until about ten in the evening. three and four am seem to be my peak times, as i have been known to produce some of my best artwork/writings during that period. if it weren't for the fact that there is quite a lot of beauty in the world during the daytime, i would essentially make an effort to adhere as strictly to a purely nighttime existence as possible.

    although, society doesn't seem to agree with this schedule and instead operates on slightly more different models. ah well, i pretty much knew i was gonna have a challenge dealing with the world from the get-go. guess it's up to me to figure out the most prime resolve for attacking this paradigm.

    last night i was so exhausted after getting home that i passed out in the middle of some special on discovery channel about cars and the american fascination with the drive-thru, only to awaken during this medical program where a doctor was identifying the different parts of sex organs removed from a male and female cadaver and spread out on the lab counter. really, they were... real. it was pretty surreal to experience, having woken up only a few moments prior where i had been dreaming about girls and sex. and what do i see first thing after departing from a slightly peaceful slumber? the whole human plumbing system right out there on a cold stainless steel table. not unlike my own genitals..... ;-) j/k *muah!*

    oh yeah, and there was some goof about the weekly appointments for our rifle lessons that we actually begin next wed instead of last night. it's alright; at the last minute shamus decided he wants to partake in the course as well. meaning that dad is the only one left in the household who won't be able to operate a firearm after this month. spooky, eh?

    hopefully this entry has been far less depressing or pessimistic as my previous few. i intend to keep a slightly more hopeful outlook on life for now.

    could be worse. could be raining.

    oh wait. it is.


  • 11.05.2003

    do you take me for a fool, do you think that i don't see? that ditch out in the valley that they're digging just for me 

    lame. i had to pause talk talk to remember that line.

    life has this interesting way of torturing me. met this really cute strawberry blonde chick who was the meeting planner for a group at the hotel today. she seemed to dig me cuz everytime i came by she would smile and all. which was really nice.

    until i realized that she doesn't live in this state, and was flying out that afternoon.


    oh yeah. so, i meant to post this recollection a few days ago, but i've exhausted and then some the last few nights, and even though i did post last night, i didn't remember to include this.

    the other time that rain sucked was when i was in my senior year of high school and riding my bike five miles each way through torrance. see, most parents tell their kid's some bullshit story about having to do all this back-breaking labor like building the barn or walking uphill both ways to get anywhere, but it's merely that; bullshit.

    i can with pride tell my kids (oh come, let's face it; i'll never get lucky enough to score and have kids) that i actually did bike ten miles each day for school. if you don't believe me, i'll show you on a map where my house was, and where the school was. boo-yah.

    anyways. most days, riding to school was no chore. this is quite the opposite when there is a nice layer of petrol floating on top of little pools of water all over the fucking street. although, to my credit i never lost control on my bike due to the rain. no, i just managed to flip my body over the handlebars when the fucking lug nut holding the front wheel onto the steering rod slipped off and the wheel shot off the frame of the bike. that was quite fun. that was the time i got the permanent scar above my lip. it's not really noticeable; just kinda this slightly darker spot. oh wait. i think i got the scar the time my wheel didn't hit the curb right and i went facefirst onto the ground. or maybe it was the time i was skateboarding and didn't jump right...

    regardless; i have a scar from *a* time i ate the pavement. but yeah, rainy days and riding to school were not pleasant. especially since my school was really just a bunch of mobile classrooms parked on a slightly grassy field which made quite a nice mud pit anytime there was a decent amount of moisture.

    there were several times that my history teacher (who also lived about five houses down from mine) would give me a ride to school in the morning and i'd catch a ride home with friends or someone. rich also helped out with the transportation issues. mom would have helped, but she had to take my bro to school in the opposite direction which was also (conveniently for her) adjacent to where she worked.

    damnit. this weekend we were gonna go see the traveling show that resulted from the film "mighty wind," but bro has decided he doesn't want to go, mom has company coming on saturday through tuesday and won't go, which means dad won't go which means then i won't be going. call me crazy, but going to shows and events alone just completely BLOWS. for starters i suffer greatly from horribly awful anxiety in general, and the fact that being by myself only heightens this awful feeling is not good. those of you who think it's no big deal, kindly remove my foot from your ass when i'm done lodging my toes up there. anxiety is a terrible, disgustingly disturbing thing that i would only wish upon those people that suck.

    and believe you me. there are a lot of those people out there.

    FUCK. seriously now. is there gonna be ANYTHING that i wanted to do the last half of this year that i actually WILL get to fucking do??? christ, i might as well just piss away any ambitions or anything i was looking forward to. what the fuck, man? why is everything shitting on me now? this year started off so good, i was a much happier person eleven months ago (and eleven months ago, i was pissed and depressed, so to imagine it getting even *worse* was quite frightening). i haven't gotten to do even a twentieth of the shit i have wanted to do in the last six months or so. what the fuck?

    i hate it when people tell me "oh shut up and just accept it." ok, well fine. great. so, wonderful life this is.... you know... with no hope for ANYTHING but that one day, death will come to release me from this festering pile. usually the people who say shit like that have things going good for them; they can't see why people are complaining about anything. either that, or they are people who haven't had anything go their way either and they're just now in a state of extreme bitterness.


    damnit, ya know? fuck it. i'm done with tonight's post.

  • 11.04.2003

    the man and me will do, nearly any task 

    ok, so to catch you up to now.

    yesterday sucked balls at work, but was somewhat redeemed cuz i got to work with funny union peeps. that was cool. tried to get home as fast as i could, and ended up taking an hour because traffic on northbound 101 during rush hour is like flies around a dead horse's balls.

    took a quick shower, and then the family (grandparents were in town for a month until this morning) headed out to the old spaghetti factory down in san jose. if yesterday had been my last day alive, i would have been able to accept that simply because of the good time had by all.

    for starters, san jose is a bitching town. imagine new york all clean and about one thirtieth the size, and you have san jose. it's a very well kept city that has undergone a shitload of expansion and re-development in the past few years. got adobe's headquarters down there, the shark tank (where i saw u2 play two years ago), the fairmont, and the tech museum. so, driving around that town is fun enough in itself. and as bro pointed out, the place looks much like vice city during nighttime since there is hardly any traffic on the streets.

    if you haven't been to a spaghetti factory, i recommend highly. got a great atmosphere, charming people, great food. all the essentials. last night was damn cold, so it felt like a winter day real close to christmas. i was delighted in the restaurant by the sweet sight of a shitload of good looking tail like you can't believe; although there was this one surfer-like chick waitress that we spent a good twenty minutes trying to figure out if she was really a she or not. our waiter was this bald-headed guy that looked insanely familiar but i couldn't place him, and we encountered "beardo."

    "beardo" was the name eric and shamus (non-brother eric, our house-guest's new nickname) kept noticing this bearded waiter who would exit from the kitchen with food but would seemingly never return to the kitchen, yet a few moments later he would re-appear, brand new food on tray and heading off to another table. they came to the conclusion that there was a cloning machine somewhere by the employee coatrack, and that each clone could only stay alive for about two minutes, at which point they melted and collected in the basement through the cracks in the floorboards to later be converted into delicious spimony. throughout the night, shamus kept saying he was gonna get the guy's autograph. mom wanted us to tell our waiter that it was grandma's b-day that day (which it was) to embarrass her; we switched the tables and secretly informed the waiter that it was mom's b-day in actuality (her's is next week, truth be told) so when they came out singing, my mom pointed and laughed at grandma until she realized the staff were singing to her.

    vengeance upon us has been assured to us by her, and we are told it shall be swift and brutally painful.

    as we got up to leave, shamus managed to wrangle beardo off to one side, and explained to him his theory and that he wanted the guy's autograph. i'm sure that must have been the most amusing thing a customer has ever told this poor guy since he was pretty taken aback for a few moments. the signature is now prominently displayed in shamus and bro's room in the complimentary italian soda glass from the restaurant.

    depsite that this outing usurped all my free time, really, in truth i couldn't think of many other ways i would have cared to spend it.

    unlike today, where work again sucked nuts and tomorrow will be even worse seeing as how i now have to be in at six and am responsible for everything that is happening in the morning. well, not everything. the other boss was coerced into coming in a few hours earlier to help out since it's really a physical impossibility for me to set four rooms in two hours and take care of three or four other rooms that are starting at roughly the same time.

    although, tonight was pretty cool too. had birgit over for dinner and we bbq'd some dogs. hot dogs, you perverted fuck. geez.

    tomorrow night is the first rifle course session that mom, eric and i are attending. should be pretty cool; we're starting off with learning about rifles and the different parts to the .22, then next week we have to bring some rounds of ammo for the range.

    as well as hearing and eye protection, but that should go without saying.

    even though i just said it.

    alright. so, oh yeah. i shot more pics of the max-o-lantern but i've been too dog ass tired to upload them and post. i shall do that once the will to live returns again.

    soon, i assure you.


    anyways. my intestine feels like it's been shredded by a mulcher, so im'a go take care of that now.

    send me good thoughts for tomorrow morning. that i actually wake up and get there on time, and that things go reasonably smoothly would be nice.

    for realz. i'm gone.

  • 11.03.2003

    the snack that smiles back goldfish 

    i would blog a lot more tonight, but i gotta be at work tomorrow morn at 7a.

    so, just dropping a note to letcha know i say hi.


    ok, i sleep now because sleep is good and it's seriously colder than a monkey's ass tonight.

  • why is it so damned hard to find piano scores on the internet???? 

    music is supposed to be free, damnit!

    anyways. i *was* gonna use the opening chords from claire delune for this entrie's title; suffice it to say that the internet is making it difficult for this to be accomplished.

    ugh. worked today. long. boring. checked out www.howstuffworks.com. quite cool.

    i've been feeling kinda "meh" lately. sadly the jack is fast becoming a squishy lump of pumpkin mush. it's a good thing i carved it on the day, seeing as how quickly the thing has turned. it's been this screwy ass weather.

    i love rain, but not when i hafta work. rain is good when you only have to run a few errands, or when you get to stay at home and curl up in front of a giant warm fire with hot chocolate and marshmellows. that's all kinds of wonderful.

    although since my room again is downstairs, i don't think i get to hear the rain on the rooftop as i sleep. it's perhaps one of the most calming things i can think of when i can't sleep; rain on a roof and thunder. incliment weather is great when you can use it to your advantage.

    there were a few times up at arrowhead way back in the day that i remember it raining; it doesn't get much cooler than that. up in the mountains, away from civilization; in a wood cabin in the upstairs bedroom, late night, and rain pouring down so hard it echoes through the crawlspace/attic/rec room up above, and you hear it slightly muted and bassy. very relaxing. that and the snow season.

    being that we don't currently live in an area that gets any snow, i really miss it. but again, to the extent that snow is only fun when again you can make it work for you.

    heading up to the mountains for some fresh snow and a warm fire. at todd's cabin, we used to use the hottub out on the deck when it was snowing out after a day of tobagon runs down the hill behind the house. then we'd run inside and sit down next to the fireplace and have cocoa. those were good times. i really, really, really hope their cabin survived the wildfires.

    just thought, that should prove to be interesting as well; as the fires are put out it's gonna start snowing really soon. so it's not like anyone can really thoroughly survey the damage up in the mountains until it all melts away next spring. whatever wasn't ruined by flame may get destroyed by snow. double-whammy. :-(

    the only time the sound of rain falling was a bad thing would be during the second period of time i worked at the store two years ago, and had to get up at five in the morning each day. back then, i would really be the only one in the family out of bed at that point, so it was just me, the rain and bitter cold. that was back when we were put up in the temp apartment since the house we were renting in the shores was undergoing retrofitting. because the unit we stayed in was detached from the parking spaces, it meant that in my uniform, i trudged soakingly across the parking lot to my beloved car, where she would comfortably boil me with the awesome heater she's got.

    the commute would be this giant slick mess; california drivers freaking out and forgetting how to operate vehicles since they manage to mentally block out the concept of rain the rest of the year. i'd listen to the doghouse on the radio, or pop in soundgarden depending on my mood that morning. get to the store and spend the last ten minutes before my shift began, sitting in the front seat of my car out in the parking lot, enjoying the last few blasts of warmth i would feel for the next eight hours. then off into the store, again passing through the stinging rain. being that the store was ginormous, there is no possible way you could effectively heat it so the designers didn't even bother with putting in heaters.

    you'd walk down the freezer aisles, already frostbitten from the chilling wind that managed to seep through every crack in the doors, and then begin slowly entering into a state of cryostasis from the sheer cold eminating from the frozen dinner section. i always wondered why they kept the power going to the freezer boxes during winter; they could have easily cut the juice and not suffered any product loss seeing as how the bulk of the store was already outscoring wisconsin's lowest temperature records. when i had to go make deliveries, the heater in the truck of course was beyond a state of operating, and managing a large top-heavy truck on slippery streets teaches one to respect the fragility and briefness of life. usually all the orders were shit like milk, and ice cream which of course is exceptionally cold so by this point my blood would be reaching absolute zero and all life in my veins would cease.

    the break room would always be around the same temperature as the milk box at the opposite end of the store, and the floor was constantly in need of mopping as everyone tracked in water and mud. the chairs were wireframes with no cushions and just brutal to sit in. on some days, i would venture out into the deluge of moisture and sit in my car, run the engine with the heater or drive around the parking lot to keep from being mistaken for a glacier.

    most of the places i delivered to had parking lots beyond the edge of forever. since the oil in the wheels on the dolly would lock up, i usually had to either hand carry assloads of bags across the steppes of these massive corporate parks, or chance that halfway down the way, the cart would simply stop dead cold, exerting one of newton's famous laws of motion upon everything i had so carefully stacked.

    but the receptionists were usually very cute girls who i am sure had rich daddies that owned these meglo-maniacal conglomerates; they didn't really need a job, it was just a front to them getting spoiled rotten by their parents. how do i know this? well, i find it hard to believe that a receptionist with a lousy low-hourly pay can afford a brand new seven series beamer. typically, that just don't add up.

    only thing that really salvaged that job was the few cool people i hung out with at the store and talked to. a shitty job can be made acceptable so long as you keep good co-worker company.

    the rounding off for each day would be making it home before anyone else, alone again, taking a warm shower every early evening to retain feeling throughout most of my body, and nuking whatever marie callendar's dinner thing i picked up earlier that day for dinner. by the time the rest of the family had arrived home, i was either engrossed with something on the computer, or fast asleep on the couch. that was pretty much how i existed, again in more or less a state of limbo for two months.

    that was the christmas we went to so cal and i smashed the right quarter-panel on my car. the trip ended with some good things tho; halfway through the vacation i got a call from my old queue lead at ea asking if i wanted to work a 6 month stint again. that improved my outlook for quite some time. and definitely, the year that followed after that was pretty good until we speed forward to this last summer when everything i thought was my future was painfully shattered like a worn out christmas bulb.

    well, i would share more of this story but i'm too dog-ass tired, i gotta be up at 7 to go to work (in the rain, prolly), and.... yeah. this entry most likely is host to a record number of spelling/grammar errors, but it's way too late for me to give a fuck now.

    btw. it's now raining, and i can hear it quite well in my room. :-)

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