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8.31.2003

...but other than that, everything's peachy keen 

after searching in vain and wondering if perhaps it was foolish to spend what little money i do have at the current moment, i was able to locate and procure a copy of the elusive gta3.

about two weeks or so ago, our house started emitting this intensly foul odor. backed up porta-johns would be about what you could closely equate it to. needless to say, this is quite unpleasant. after talking it over with our landlord and getting the motion started on investigating a possible sewage issue, i began an earnest project of taping up all the heating ducts in the house with gaffers tape to keep the foul demons at bay. this has worked with overwhelming success in my room at least; moderate success in the rest of the downstairs rooms. however, after a licensed plumber checked under the house and determined that there indeed is stagnant, standing water under the house, it has been ruled that i can not use my new bathroom for quite some time. this is bumming me, man. the first time i have a bathroom all to my lonesome and i can't use it because it's responsible for playing host to an unholy posession.

today i finally got the bright idea to pour baking soda down the toilet and flush it, going on the theory that if whatever is being flushed away is merely ending up under the house in the crawl space, then at least a heaping helping of baking soda would possibly aid in the neutralization of the evil spirits. using my dominant arm i thrust open the door to the chamber from which the vapors seemingly flow from the drain in the bathtub and sink, and in a panicked blind rage attacked the toilet with full force and a box of sodium bicarbonate. the battle was pretty evenhanded until the porcelain bowl lunged back with a counterattack of huge spits of water that blasted my face and rendered my vision useless. psychotically i continued until the last few grains of the white powdery goodness were at last making headway as they were violently hurled onto the shitpile on the ground below the room's floor.

with great intensity, i hastily washed the remnants of the toilet's futile attempts from my visage and retreated to a safer haven where i was unaffected by the overwhelming powers of the scent of the devil himself.

so far, it seems to have worked. the smell usually gets really bad later on in the evening after it starts to cool down outside and the festering pile begins to unveil it's tender awfulness. at first we were thinking perhaps it was a plant that was simply blooming at midnight, since that is when the violent storm hits with it's absolute worst, however since there is the prescence of water under the house the more likely excuse is that one of the pipes is no longer complete and is failing at a duty most people take sorely for granted. that is, until their nostrils undergo the terror that exists in our downstairs.

tonight seems to be the best of the last two weeks since it's not nearly as exacting in it's vengeance upon the poor mortals from whose bowels did once give birth to such filth. hopefully we can get this issue resolved so i can begin using my own bathroom again, and not curling my nose up in utter disgust anytime i open my bedroom door and enter the living room.

as far as gta3 goes.. i'm a mixed bag of thoughts at the moment. i installed this new mod that makes the cars look truly badass, however i didn't think that it would have affected the game so negatively. it runs pretty damn choppy and at times just locks up altogether or does an IRQ stack dump. fortunately this only happens right before i am about to save the game after completeing a mission. as of now, the majority of the failed attempts at missions are due only to my system deciding to royally gore itself.

this of course does not make me a happy person. in fact, several times now i have wanted to wreak destruction upon my posessions, yet having done so back in high school forced me to realize that a) this is not a good resolution and b) i can't afford to destroy what i have.

the good news is, the game is a lot simpler than vice city, which means that were i not experiencing such massive system issues, i would be close to 50% done with the game instead of 30%. hopefully sometime before i die i will actually get to play the game long enough without a system belch that i'll be able to pass.

awww... hell. i use cheat codes anyways. for me it makes the game more fun, especially since with the new mod, the bullet damage has been upped by a factor of 300% meaning that if anyone gets a shot off you without armour you are pretty much a grease stain on the pavement. not too mention, i have little skill when it comes to this game (sad, is it not?) and in order for me to complete it within the next century i need some sort of edge. i can't stand people who get all moral about using cheat codes anyways. "but that's not how real life is" they cry. yeah, well neither is driving around in a stolen cop car and shooting at chinese gangs. besides, if the whole point of playing a video game is escapist reality, then doesn't that mean i have every right to create whichever reality i want in the game; cheating or not?

had an interesting set of dreams last night; which brings about that point: i remembered a dream again!! :-) the first one actually i think has faded to the point where i need to think real hard to remember it, but the second one was pretty cool. i was laying across this footstool, and the end of a sofa that this young blonde was sleeping on. i was down by her feet, and at some point in my sleep, my forehead hit her feet enough to wake her up, and she in turn then woke me up when she saw who i was. she had this really disarming smile on her face, and a gentle understanding of my being there. she seemed appreciative that i was there. we had a discussion, the topic of which escapes my memory at this point.

the other dream, which has come more clearly into view now involved segments from gta3. i was going around, doing gta3 stuff. pretty cool. i get to live that life in both game and dream form.

i seem to be more or less ok for the time being.. despite all that i have mentioned prior. it's difficult for me to really see any worth in continuing this charade of a life, but for now... i guess i'll stick with it.



oh and wish craig the best of luck. he has to get up buttcrack early tomorrow morn to haul ass from abq to azusa pacific in order to make it to tuesday morning class, having been notified he was accepted on sat by e-mail. i don't envy him having to deal with the traffic. you're a trooper dude!



  • 8.30.2003

    no big surprise 

    so, i wanted to go see clerks tonight at the camera one down in campbell. but fuck going by myself.... especially with that crowd. i would look like a total lame-o if i showed up alone.

    of course, i wouldn't hafta go by myself if people didn't flake on me. hahaha... people not flaking on me.... good one.

    the only one who had a legitimate excuse was nathan because he was out of town.

    tell ya what. don't say you're interested in going if you really are not. don't even bother saying you care. otherwise it just puts you in the position to make an ass out of yourself when you flake at the last minute.

    i bet everyone there is quoting the movie by heart, and that it totally rocks. bet it doesn't rock nearly as much as my comfy sofa....

    night.



  • 8.29.2003

    random droppings 

    i would be at work atm. due to a recent halt in our economic prosperity, i have been left with little to do this evening aside from a few tasks. at least i got a good copy of the wave to keep me company.

    i need to get gta3. i already have vice city, which is considered infinitely better than it's predecessor; however that was an opinion formulated before i discovered two things:

    1. i am getting supremely bored with vice city as i have pretty much accomplished all of the missions possible

    and

    2. i have discovered a mod for gta3 that makes the cars look incredibly badass and the game itself actually interesting to play.

    once again, i have yet to be able to remember my dreams from the previous night. this has happened for a few days now; it's really starting to disturb me. considering that i typically rememebr the vast majority of the dreams i encounter during the full third (sometimes greater) of my existence, i am not at all pleased with this unpleasant occurance. when one acknowledges that the only time i am involved in a sexual encounter with another person is during the few hours i am unconcious, i would at least request that i remember them again. guess shit happens huh? usually far too often, too.

    has this ever happened to you? i have close to a million things i wish to talk about/write about/make tangible, yet i can not for the life of me figure out how to do so anymore. i used to be plagued with the opposite issue; having an incredible desire to write and yet having no substance..... this time i have more than a decent wealth of inspiration yet no motivation to actually do anything with it. it could have something to do with the fact that my mind has been growing increasingly more abstract (even more so than it actually was) and is losing all form of manner to a swirling rosenbridge of chaos.

    it also seems as if i get struck by museful insights at times when it is least convenient; i.e., when i am driving or doing something equally consuming that precludes me from being able to vocalize such conceptualized thought. at least i still got my vast archive of big, pretty words. :-D

    i won't lie; i really hope that i can go to so cal again for the mb hometown fair, and not only that, but that i see erin there, we hook up, we both fall madly in love with each other, and comit very filthy acts throughout the greater part of the south bay area (the real south bay, not this whanna-be hotspot). alas, i have a feeling this won't actually come to pass, yet i can't seem to let go of the hope that anything is possible. regardless of any other negative experience prior, i still do want to set myself up for colossal failure in the event i get too complacent with how dismal my life already seems to be at current standing anyway.

    i also won't hold back now. i have been completely psychologically depleted by having been rejected to college. despite the fact that i am 24 now and should have attended univeristy a long time ago, i really felt that now was the time for me to actually do something academically advanced and push myself. seems that fate has completely altogether different plans for me.

    perhaps going to so cal and making erin feel compelled to rip open her pants for me? i have no idea. fact of the matter is that i currently view my meandering existence as an utter joke; somehow, somewhere, someone is getting their jollies off on the fact that my life borders on comedy of errors status at an increasingly high percentage.

    take for instance my infatuation with mary. lord knows nothing won't ever happen in that circumstance, and it's pretty simple to ascertain as to the why: age and distance. i'm old enough that i don't belong in her world anymore, and she and i live so far apart that even if there were mutual feelings and the age obstacle were able to be overcome (which, come to think of it, is not that big of a deal actually since the age difference between my parents is roughly akin to the respective ages in this situation), by the time anything could actually ever come of a relationship between her and i, she would have found some other shmuck in life and become wholey dependant upon them. short of citing previous examples of how my own personal romantic experience has become little more than a comic foible/fable, i fail to understand how this wouldn't be dissimiliar in any way. it's only a matter of time before some guy makes a move for her, and she willingly accepts. and yet, i continue to sit here, virtually ignored by anything that has a vagina, breasts, and is more or less human.

    damn. well, one thing you can expect from me: posts that for the most part are way too long. have fun.

    and enjoy your stay in my mind. forgive the mess; it's a work in progress.



  • rest easy for now 

    so... this would be my first blog.

    no, i take that back. i have actually had a variety of blogs in some form or other for the past several years; i usually just get supremely lazy and forget to update.

    why should you come and read my blog?! you shouldn't! go away!

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    damnit, you're still here. oh well. guess i might as well commence with the regailing..

    our new house guest moves in today. this should be interesting. i definitely believe that he should be a welcome addition to the family, yet there is always that suspisicion that the greater uncertainy inherent in chaos is something to fear. and fear it we must.

    man. people like to be all cute and "hip" when they intentionally say that their blogs are uninteresting and that they have nothing to say. in this case, it's even more so accurate. i can't think of anything that would be of any interest whatsoever to casual web hunters in search of stimulating blog material. but stick with this for a bit... ya never know when something interesting may pop up down the road......


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